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Joke’s On YOU, Batsy! Bat-stravaganza, Part 4 (of 4)

b1p4introIssue #1, Batman (Spring 1940)

Moody!Monday, Batfans!

Here we are with the last part of our Bat-stravaganza.

I hope all of you had a relaxing, stress-free weekend. Ours was, eh, better than the weekend before, although it certainly didn’t start off looking like it would be.

But you’re not here for a weekend update, are you?

Oh! And lest you haven’t noticed, which, if you haven’t, then I’m sorry, but I’ve managed to update the layout of the site a bit, to make it easier to read, and much easier to navigate. Not everything is up and running as effortlessly as I’d like it to be yet, but bear with me…I’m still working out the kinks.

NANANANANANANA-NAAAAA! ONWARD!

When last we left our Broody!Bat, he had just let the vixenish Cat fling herself from his boat to escape, while Robin looked on in hopeless befuddlement. Fast forward to now, where it appears there’s about to be another go-round with one Criminal!Clown:

jokerno
NOOOOOO! What do you mean they’re out of coffee? How do they expect me to do any proper plotting without my Java fix?

Jailbird!Joker isn’t content with sitting behind bars, so he decides to do a little creative dentistry:

splodytoof
False. Teeth. Explosive. Chemicals. Four words that should never be used together. Unless you’re planning on blowing a hole in the wall. *needs the number for Mr. J’s dentist*

At Wayne mansion, Young!Dick and Brucie are just finishing up a little one-on-one training time when a newsflash interrupts with an important announcement:

boycrush
Hmm. Yes. Shrewd. Subtle. Ruthless. Sexy. I think Batsy has a boy-crush! The first bloom of a truly epic Bro-mance in the making. *tear sniffle*

Meanwhile, in a deserted cemetery, Stealth!Joker regains access to his underground lab to begin plotting a fresh round of crimes. Having not learned from his previous caper, he goes right back to what he did before, announcing his crime on the radio before he commits it. This time, he’s targeting the police Chief!Chalmers.

Naturally, the police are rather aghast at the whole situation, the chief himself unable to believe that Joker would be so brazen. And yet, what do they do?

policecord
Hey guys! Let’s do the same thing we did the last few times the Joker killed someone and we knew about it in advance! Surely it’ll work one of these days, right?

 Unfortunately, the answer is no as the Chief gets a phone call just as the clock strikes dead-o-clock:

jokercalling
WHAT? I DON’T THINK I QUITE HEARD YOU!

Lucky for him, the police are already there to solve the mystery:

jokerpoison
Oh, so NOW you figure it out. Excellent work, boys. Way to work the hindsight is 20/20 angle.

Chief!Chalmers takes a dirt nap as the Joker’s crime wave spreads across the city as he steals art and jewels. But it’s not enough. No, there’s something bigger out there, something more worth stealing:

cleoneck
And I deem this panel redundantly amusing and GOOD FOR YOU! The Snarkstress… Has spoken!

Again, the police station themselves at the museum to “protect” the necklace:

policeprotect
Who brought the donuts? Hey Paulie! Did you swing by Dunks? I’m feeling a little peckish.

Eight on the dot, Joker emerges from the Mummy case he’d been hiding in to gas the cops and steal the necklace:

lillywhite
…And give you SUCH a killer massage, dood! No really, you should feel these hands! Magic-freakin-fingers.

Surprised!Joker looks up just in time to see Batsy rushing him from the shadows, but like the time before, he goes down swinging:

bitchfight
Batman/Joker bitch fight. For. The. WIN!

Not content to beat the crap out of Batsy, Joker heads for …

ancientmace
Uh…That doesn’t look like an ancient mace. That’s more…ancient axe. BAH! Details!

And delivers a glancing blow to Batsy’s head:

ouchies
Ooh. *wince* Someone’s pride will be all sorts of banged up come morning.

Jovial!Joker won’t be able to finish the job, however, as he hears people coming and doesn’t want anyone to see him. He snatches the necklace and takes off, leaving an unconscious Batman sprawled on the museum floor.

whoareu
Unable to resist the temptation, he simply MUST know who’s behind that mask!

But Batsy isn’t ready for jail OR exposure yet:

jazzhands
But Broadway? Boyfriend, he is SO ready for the stage! JAZZHANDS!

He flees out a window and is gone, leaving the police to clean up the mess. Meanwhile, the ineptitude of the police has the people up in arms. One in particular, Edgar Martin, has started making speeches all over the city calling for reform. The Joker, naturally, is annoyed:

testtube
But HOW to get it to him? Hmm! What haven’t I done yet?

He announces his intentions (again) and the police crowd into the house (again):

jokerspoken
And suddenly, Snarkstress is hit by a powerful wave of Déjà vu that nearly makes her wonder if she’s psychic!

Martin decides to unwind by playing a little solitaire. On a deck of cards. That have randomly appeared on his table.

mindoffthings
Like…who put these cards here? Where did they come from? Should I really be touching these? Are they even mine? THOSE SORTS OF THINGS YOU MEAN, MARTIN?

He sits down, shuffles, and cuts himself on the card edges. But it’s not until he starts laying out the cards that he’s finally slapped with the clue-by-four waiting in the wings:

omgwait
OMG! WHAT? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? WHO LET THE MAGICIAN IN HERE??

 Aaaaand again, Joker manages to kill his intended victim in a room full of cops, and it’s not until the vic is clearly dead that the boys in blue figure it out:

cardswdeath
*face. palm*

The next day, Brucie visits his good friend Commish!Gordon. Gordon is concerned that they’ll be calling in the Batman to solve the case, and Bruce agrees that’d be bad, but he has a plan!

jewelsrfun
Hmm. That might just work. Good work, old chum! Thanks for doing my job! Also? OBVIOUS!BRUCE is OBVIOUSLY BATMAN!

The next day, talk of the Fire!Ruby is plastered all over the newspaper:

interestingjoker
COULD IT BE A TRAP? COULD IT? Hmm. Stocks are down again. How disappointing. And the funnies just…aren’t. Why do I read this crap?

Of course, we quickly learn that Brucie was right:

jokerjewels
My precious! Yup. Joker is afflicted with ‘OSB’. (Ooh! Shiny! Brain)

He takes the bait, or, as the panel suggests, nibbles at it:

nibblebate
Mm. Needs…more death. Yes. This bait is in dire need of more killing.

He walks RIGHT into the trap, finding himself circled by cops in masks, but the Joker surprises them by switching from Joker Venom to plain ol’ bullets. Something they were totally unprepared for. He makes it to the roof to get away, but finds himself being tailed by a certain brightly-costumed boychild.

boyslap
BOY!SLAP! Go away kid, you bother me!

Robin manages to grab a flagpole before hitting the ground and Joker goes outside to investigate, finding the Boy!Blunder dangling. He aims his gun at Robin, and Batman appears to stop him:

jokerstop
*gasp!* Batman!? Is it really you? *Both start to squeeflail at each other*

Joker shifts position to take out Batsy:

underneath
And you have to commend Joker for actually having A BRAIN enough to know about the armor thing. Just sayin’.

Of course, at that moment, Robin’s pole breaks and he plummets down, bouncing off a conveniently placed awning and onto Joker, knocking the gun from his hand. Batman steps in:

mrjoker
Heh. Deuce. House of Cards. How am I doing Robin? Punny enough? Yes? Been practicing.

Ever the resourceful baddie, Joker pulls a knife, intent on killing Batsy:

sidestepknifejab
*GASP!* NOOOOOOOOO! NO! HE’S THE ONLY ONE SMART ENOUGH TO PUT UP WITH BATMAN!

As expected, Dying!Joker’s reaction of disbelief quickly turns to amusement at the situation:

cantquityou
You have no idea how bad it gets! I'm not you... I can't make it on a coupla high-altitude heists once or twice a year! You are too much for me Batsy! I wish I knew how to quit you!

Obvious!Robin points out the obvious:

funinfuneral
The Joker: putting the ‘fun’ back in ‘funeral’ since 1940.

They’re interrupted by a couple of GCPD who stumble on the scene. Batsy and Co. flee, letting them take over the “handling of the dead criminal” situation. One of the cops recognizes Dead!Joker and calls for an ambulance:

stillalive
OH MY GOD! Get this man to the Department of Redundancy Department! Also? YAYZ!

And that ends this quartet of Batsy goodness! Next week, we’ll be back with the DC Comics we left off on. Until then:

robreg
See Pimp!Robin back there? He’s going to make sure you don’t cheat him out of his profits. Violently.

~Go Team Batsy!
Snarkstress


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