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Batman’s Bloody Rampage!

Issue #36, Detective Comics (Mar. 1940)

Belated Moody!Monday, Batfans!

Thank you for understanding the delay. It’s never fun when we find ourselves intertoobless here at Hus af Snark. Mostly because we’re both SO dependent it borders on addiction. *sighs* Aside from that… let me smooth things over with an additional offering:


*Bat!Fan!FLAILING!*  Sure, it’s just a teaser, but oh. mah. gawd! I canNOT wait to see the Bane/Batsy fight because it promises to be EPIC!

I trust you all had an eventful weekend? We most certainly did not. Dragon and I spent the time focusing on cerebral pursuits that left us wanting to do nothing more than laze about. Maybe it was the greyness outside, or maybe we just needed some down time, either way… we tried to enjoy each other’s company.

Of course, the cats were excited when their new “OMG!LASER” showed up, so endless hours of fun to be had there. Good times!

But enough about our boring lives, you’re here for one thing!

 

 NANANANANANANA-NAAAAA! ONWARD!

 Last we left our Broody!Bat, he was enjoying a relaxing night at home, having just finished putting Professor!Strange behind bars after his failed attempt at fogging Gotham blind.  THIS issue finds our hero pulled over and preparing to ask for directions at a nearby house because he’s gotten himself lost:

Quick! Someone get him a Garmin!

A shrill scream splits the air, and naturally, that catches Batman’s attention:

Ladies n’ Gents, I give you Batman. Reluctant hero.

Creeping to the house, he sneaks inside and finds himself peeking in on a torture session:

Everyone’s a critic. Even Rude!Batman.

As expected, everyone in the room that has a gun and a pair of fists decides to bum-rush our hero, because, hello, he wasn’t invited to this little party, but he takes each of them out in turn. Untying the hostage, Joey, he uses the rope to secure the baddies he’s just beaten up:

SURPRISE! BETRAYAL! Some people are SO ungrateful!

Having knocked out Batsy, Ungrateful!Wretch turns his gun on his original captors and dishes out a little justice of his own:

So…do these technically count in Batsy’s body count? He *did* tie them up…

Our hero wakes up sometime later, feeling very stupid, and, taking a look around the room, very confused:

Just how many blackouts *have* you been experiencing there, Batsy?

A quick check of the bodies, reveals that Joey did, in fact, shoot them all:

Not that the blood pools are any indication or anything. Y’know.

Batsy recalls the conversation about Turg and too much information from the earlier torture session, wondering what the information was that they referred to. Fast forward to the Bat!Mansion, where Brucie tries to puzzle it out with his latest tool:

Do not underestimate the power of the Bat!Pages!

The next day, Detecti!Bruce visits each Turg in turn, coming up empty handed with the first two. The third apparently owns a grocery store, and our hero goes in with a simple request:

And by “sugar” he means “the blackmarket, high quality, ILLEGAL stuff”. Only the best for our Batsy! Also? Way to criticize someone's location choice for a business, Snobby!Bruce.

As he’s getting his “sugar”, he spots Mr. Turg leaving with Joey from the back. Aha!

Because everyone knows that grocery store owners are middle-aged, overweight, balding men with potbellies and jovial smiles.

 Batsy returns later, knocks out poor Al-the-sugar-pusher, and heads to the back room, where the order is given to shoot him, but our hero turns off the lights to gain an edge:

Queer!Batsy dons his FABULOUS glasses and proceeds to redecorate!

Thusly cloaked, things start getting out of hand rather quickly:

*Gasp!* SCANDALOUS! I didn’t peg him for your type. Queer goggles indeed!

Content at having totally freaked out the baddies, Batsy takes his leave, promising to return soon. They flip the lights back on, and realize they have a traitor in their midst:

Aww, poor Joey. We hardly knew ye.

Of course, as they take off for the pier to do Criminal!Activities, we discover that Batsy never left, but instead hid behind some nearby boxes to find out what the real plan was. Dying!Joey calls out to him, and fills him in on the remaining details:

Aww, poor Joey. We hardly knew ye.

Joey dies in his arms and after a mourning period lasting approximately .5 seconds, our hero heads down to the pier to exact a little vigilante justice:

But things don’t quite go as planned. Oops.

Once in the water, however, the cold water shocks him back to consciousness and he cuts his way out of the bag, just in time to get away:

*sings* ‘Cause I’m as free as a bat now, and this bat you can not chaaaaange!

Soaked!Batsy makes it back to the dock, kicks down some baddies with a flying leap and then pulls out his most devastating weapon to date:

The Bat!Taunt! Complete with Angry!Bat stare!

He knocks them off the dock as well, and runs for the T.N.T-laden boat, giving himself a little pep talk along the way:

A very … slow… bullet, but a Bat!Bullet, nonetheless. Pedi pep-talk notwithstanding.

He manages to steer the boat away from the luxury cruise liner it was destined for, steering it safely back to the marina:

TO THE BAT!PHONE!

He goes to pay Grutt a little visit, stopped at the door by his gun-toting butler, whom he quickly dispatches on his way to confront the “head”:

AKA “Not a real grocer!” How could you!

Surprised!Grutt grabs a sword and flings it at Batsy:

Promptly impaling Jeeves, the gun-toting butler, who had just regained his feet from the bat!slap he’d received earlier.

Or not. Batsy stops the sword’s flight with the door:

Wait. Wait wait wait. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES WHERE THIS IS GOING?

Grutt tries to escape, but Batman stops him with a punch to the face that sends him reeling back:

*GASP!* NOOOOO!

And I’m sure you’ve guessed it now, so I might as well show you:

STABBITY-STAB! Is it just me, or are Batman’s kills getting more… VIOLENTLY GRUESOME? ANYONE?

But it’s just another night’s work for our hero:

Way to rationalize there, Batsy. Batman!Bodycount: I’m starting to seriously lose track here. What, 10, now? If we don’t count Joey and any other baddies that might have drowned at the pier.

Next week, we’ll have Huge, Terrifying Man-Monsters going toe to toe with our Broody!Bat. Who will die next?

~Go Team Batsy!
Snarkstress


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