Issue #165, The Mighty Thor (June 1969)
The Mighty Thor “HIM!”
Thundering!Thursday, Emo!Thor Enthusiasts!
This has been a week made of utter suck and fail. It started with an extreme case of exhaustion and “too much to do” that kept Batsy from being snarked. Followed by the timing belt and water pump going out on the car (and the expen$ive repairs thereof), computer freezing/reboot issues that seriously have had me pulling out my hair, and cellphone wonkiness.
Honestly? I’m still trying to figure out just what I’ve done to piss off the techno-gods enough to put me in this predicament.
I’d take some Excedrine…if we hadn’t learned the bottle we just bought has been recalled. No. Really.
Ah well. It is what it is. And no amount of whining, crying, gnashing of teeth, or emoing in my notebooks will help the situation any. One must simply laugh and point.
So that’s what we’re doing today. Laughing. And pointing.
Now where’s my hammer?
When last we left our emo!hero, he was saving the world from Sexy!Pluto’s utter dominance with a little help from Sif, Balder, and a red-bearded Zeus. Pluto had stolen an atomic research building from (oddly enough) downtown NYC, all because of some robot!dood contained within, and by the end of our last issue, we still had no idea what the big deal was.
Procession over, our heroes turn their eyes to another conundrum: figuring out what Pluto was after in the research center.
As the three head inside, we flash over to Asgard, where someone ELSE is having a bit of a conundrum of her own:
Seems ol’ ‘Nilla!Wafer is tired of being spurned:
Since she can’t exact revenge herself, she’s called in Seeress!Haag to do a little consulting:
Apparently, this Space!Pool is where Giddy!Haag likes to splash about, because she has, let’s say, an interesting physical attribute that makes it ideal:
Peering into the water, they locate both Balder and Sexay!Sif, but before Giddy!Haag can snatch him from the pool, ‘Nilla!Wafer puts on the brakes, wanting, instead, to see what’s going to happen. Meanwhile, back on earth, Sif, Balder, and Thor stalk down the eerily quiet corridors of the Atomic Research building, in search of the being that had Pluto so frightened.
Emo!Thor picks up on the hum and follows it, racing down the hallway until the three are engulfed in a brilliant light. An explosion knocks them all over, and suddenly:
But while our hero marvels at the blue, pulsating goo that has him transfixed, further down the hall, something else is awakening:
Sloughing away his trappings, this new figure emerges, born anew and confused all to hell about why he’s still on earth when he fled from the planet so long ago:
He heads out into the hallway and runs into our trio:
New!Guy explains that he’s less than human, more than a man, created by evil people (whom he apparently destroyed over in Fantastic Four issues #66 & #67) meant to be the prototype for a new race of powerful men… oh yeah, and he has no name.
HIM spills his tale of woe about destroying his creators and taking to the stars, only to be in danger from exploding meteors, so he cocooned himself and hitched a ride with a wandering starship piloted by none other than The!Watcher:
So rather than bring HIM on board, he sends HIM back to earth via satellite:
And we’re back to the present (because all of this happened without HIM’s knowledge, so yeah) where Humanitarian!Thor is busy lecturing HIM about how he really shouldn’t hate mankind because they’re not all bad. To which HIM responds:
But, he admits that he’s lonely…hey! Guess what?
Emo!Thor is obviously having NONE of these shenanigans, asserting his claim over his lady and telling HIM that she’s already spoken for, so BACK OFF DUDE. HIM responds by flinging Thor and Balder away with a flick of one tanned wrist:
Those two dealt with, it’s honeymoon time:
They disappear into a solar vortex before Thor and Balder can react:
After his emo!tantrum, he grabs Balder, creates a solar vortex of his own and the pair head after HIM:
Aaaaand back in Asgard, Daddy!Odin is still on the hunt for the birthplace of HHH!Galactus (because he just canNOT let this one go) and is summoned by his royal Astrologer. Seems SOMEONE has discovered a new, long hidden galaxy in the distant stars and thinks Odin needs to know about it. He’s not entirely certain that it’s where Odin’s looking for, but that doesn’t matter to his liege:
Flash over to our heroes, who have landed on a barren land that looks vaguely New Mexico-ish only to discover a startled HIM:
Emo!Thor charges in, hearing Sif’s plea for temperance and promptly ignoring it:
Thor and Balder are extremely put out at this attack, and the hits just keep on coming, because just as Balder is preparing to step up in his homeboy’s defense:
Sif all but forgotten, Thor leaps to Balder’s defense, trying to pry the nasty crone fingers away from his beloved BFF while informing her that he seriously does NOT have time for these shenanigans. He has no beef with her (aside from trying to steal his bro):
A tug of war ensues, with Thor refusing to give up and Balder begging him to GO SAVE SIF. This…makes Thor… angry:
Of course, while they were busy beating off Grabby!Haag, HIM and Sif have vanished. Ladies n’ gentlemen, I give you:
Balder tries to console him, but it is all for nay:
Until (hopefully) next week!