Issue #170, The Mighty Thor (Nov. 1969)
The Mighty Thor “The Thunder God And The Thermal Man!”
Thunderous!Thursday, Emo!Thor Enthusiasts!
I’ve been working. A lot. And it’s hard to find the time to snark when you’re kicking your own ass making money.
We want to give a big shout out to all of you who have read Minutes To Midnight and enjoyed it enough to leave reviews over on amazon! We’re seriously psyched about having it out there for public consumption (even if we’re also rather terrified!) and within the week we shall be expanding distribution to make it available in major retail outlets (like B&N and other areas) so you’ll be able to download through them OR just walk right into the store and order it. So exciting!
Regarding the Geek Treats etsy thang, I’ll be picking up the rest of the supplies this weekend to get the pendants/earrings done. I’ve finished my Avengers line and all of them will be available very soon!
In any event, soon as it’s up, you’ll know. I’m prepping to dive into more geeky territory (including, yes, Star Trek and Star Wars woe!cakes) and suggestions are always appreciated. But that’s about it from my end here in the SNOWY springtime of Seattle (wtf Seattle!), let’s get on with what you’re really here to see.
When last we saw our emo!hero, he was busy having a sit-down with Emo!Galactus. A sit down that was rudely interrupted by Daddy!Odin who snatched up Big!G and sent Thor hurtling back to earth, because that’s what he does. So he lands on a rooftop in downtown NY, only to discover that badness abounds across the city:
He hammers off, spots Thermal!Man and prepares to attack, only to be stopped by the voice of BFF!Balder telling him to stop:
Thor asks the crew what T!M’s purpose could be, and we find out that it’s apparently to “weaken the free world”… whatever THAT means. Just then, T!M decides to stroll on by:
The danger source in question appears to be the US Military:
T!M is fed up with being fired at:
His blast manages to turn the ground to lava:
Invigorated!Thor declares that the humans need help, and the others rally about him (despite being the ones to stop him before, that is):
A quick hammer fling knocks T!M off his feet long enough for our hero to swoop in and give him an ultimatum:
T!M isn’t falling for it:
Once in his grip, Emo!Thor realizes that perhaps he was a bit too … brash:
Before Grim!Hogun can act, T!M pins him with a piercing gaze:
With Hogun down for the count, Faboo!Fandral charges forward to use his blade:
Of course, his charge ends about as badly as Hogun’s:
Our heroes are forced to pull back and regroup, just as an aircraft speeds past overhead to drop a bomb. Within, the pilots debate existential topics that are pertinent to the era:
They let loose their missile while the Asgardian brigade, fearless heroes all, hide:
The missile hits, T!M goes down for the count, but not before our hero catches a distant cry:
Alas, it is not his fabulous hair, but a downed soldier seeking assistance:
Now, I’m gonna pause here because what I’m about to show you is rather… at odds with what we’ve seen of our hero so far. See, we all know that Emo!Thor’s alter ego, Lame!Blake is, well, lame in the truest sense of the word: he walks with a cane and a limp, and is woefully frail. In fact, it’s that very reason why his transformation into Emo!Thor is so fascinating. So … with THAT image in mind, let me present to you the rest of the story.
So, our hero realizes that it’s not just his strength that is needed to save this downed soldier, no. The skill of Dr. Blake is definitely warranted, but it would seem Lame!Blake has undergone some…changes since last we checked in:
Meanwhile, back at the downed!warriors, Volstagg is engaged in boasting (as normal) about how awesome he is, while Fandral bemoans the fact that the Mighty!V ain’t done crap to help. And while he’s in the midst of his “I’m awesome” tirade:
And, as expected, Volstagg has wearied himself with his bragging and is unable to stop the onslaught of the freshly napped T!M, so they once again charge into the fray. MEANWHILE:
Of course, ‘Nilla!Wafer is having none of Evil!Loki’s protests about her beloved:
Unable to let her beloved perish (despite the fact that he really doesn’t love her back AT ALL), old ‘Nilla decides to intervene, despite Loki’s continued protests:
She casts a spell into the tv!pool and saves them:
Naturally, this is the horn that broke the Loki’s back:
Flounced!Loki leaves in a huff:
Meanwhile, back on earth, Not-so-lame!Blake is saving not just the life of the wounded soldier he found, but apparently, the lives of all the soldiers:
Just then, a soldier runs in to let everyone know that the monster is alive again! Cue panic and Lame!Blake fleeing for the street:
The second he’s out of sight, he Thwack-Thor’s out and heads off to open a thunder-god sized can of whoop-ass on T!M:
T!M starts blasting our hero with his eye-sexiness, and the battle rages on, taking out whole blocks of scenery in the process:
It’s pretty quickly determined that emo!Thor is lacking one very important thing:
Realizing he’s truly alone in facing this baddie, Emo!Thor reaches deep into himself and brings out his most dangerous power:
He calls up a huge tidal wave to snatch T!M right off the street (ignoring the fact that there might possibly have been, I dunno, HUMANS hanging about…but whatevs) and hurl him away into the ocean:
Apparently, the plan is for this tidal wave to take T!M to the frozen north, to be trapped in ice: