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Issue #67, Detective Comics (September 1942)

Batman & Robin: “Crime’s Early Bird!”

Moody!Monday, Batfans.

So SO sorry about the delay in Emo!Thor last week. I was a sleep deprived little Snarkstress, let me tell you. I went ahead and made sure it posted, so look at YOU getting a two-fer-one special today!

The weekend was fun and laid-back. On Friday, we headed out to get Dragon’s b-day present (Lollipop Chainsaw for the PS3) and along the way had ourselves a little adventure. See, I’m a HUGE fan of Monster Rehab. Like whoa. And my favorite flavor (Orangeade) wasn’t in at the local 7-11, so I picked up something different.

So, drinkage secured, we get back on our merry way, and while stopped at a light, I decide it’s time to pop the top and taste this super dry mana from heaven.

Imagine my COMPLETE shock and surprise when, in the act of taking off the WRAPPER holding the lid in place, there’s a tiny ka-plow! and suddenly? Nitrous Monster…everywhere. HULK!SPLASH! Who knew that removing the wrapper would anger this drink so much that it chose that moment to explode and paint the inside of my car (and me) with the drink that should’ve, by all accounts, been reserved solely for my mouth?

I sure didn’t. Dragon didn’t either. We were both learned that day.

So I got to wander about in Best Buy, drenched and sticky, and mildly buzzed with energy that I didn’t consume but instead, tried to consume me.

After our running around, we came back home, changed clothes, and settled in for some sparkle hunting, Lollipop Chainsaw style. And let me tell you: This game… is hilarious.

I am NOT a fan of anything Anime. Really. I know. There goes my geek cred, right? I spent almost 5 years in Japan and that STILL didn’t enamor me to the art. It’s not that there’s anything particularly wrong with it, it just doesn’t turn my nerdy crank. So by all accounts, I really shouldn’t have liked this game as much as I did.

It’s simplistic, stylistic, pure unadulterated candyfluff with a stroke-worthy blonde cheerleader, her decapitated head of a boyfriend, a truly screwed up family, and zombies. Lots and lots of zombies. It didn’t take nearly as long to complete as the ones I’ve BEEN playing (Dragon’s Dogma, Skyrim, Lego Batman 2) but I don’t think I laughed quite as hard as I did while playing LC.

And the end boss? Pure genius that had me screaming, “Oh my GODS! THAT IS SO GROSS!”

So… worth a rent, at the very least.

Speaking of renting, finally sprung for a Gamefly account. So many games I want to play but not enough money to afford them all. Some of them, not sure if I want to drop the $60 on the off chance that I’ll play it once and never touch it again. So first up on the way to me is Assassin’s Creed: Revelations. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Also finally hit the 100% complete mark on Lego Batman 2: DC Superheroes, so yay. AND revisited Dragon’s Dogma and proceeded to get my ass kicked all over the place. But let me tell you what. That game does NOT play around with how hard it gets after you complete the storyline. Archhydras and Hellhounds, let’s just say they suck on ALL levels. But it’s fun. If you play, and feel like taking my pawn for a spin? Look for Dirk (Bear). He’s… a 53rd level Sorcerer at the ‘mo and kicks all sorts of ass. Seriously.  (And yes, for those of you paying attention, Dirk IS modeled after THE Dirk in Minutes To Midnight.) My ONLY beef with DD? If I want to start a new game, it’ll overwrite EVERYTHING and I’ll lose my pawn and all the badass armor I’ve gotten so far. So… until we get an external HD to save it all on, looks like Morgan and Dirk n’ crew will be out cleaning up Everfall, one bloody ledge at a time.

And there was miniature food making to be had! Dragon’s traditional birthday dinner of ribs, corn, and mashed ‘taters was given the geek-treat treatment (along with one of his favorite breakfasts that, unfortunately, have proven near impossible to find anymore):

Oh hey. Here I am rambling on… when there’s SNARKING to be done!

NANANANANANANANA – ONWARD!

When last we saw our justice mongers, they were busy beating up on Two!Face, the newest baddie to join the Gotham lineup.It was quite the wrangly tangle, as it were, and we now turn our attention to Spring, for it hath truly sprung in ye olde Gotham:

While they’re busy enjoying the great outdoors, we turn our attention to the great INdoors:

In the audience, a familiar face stares on in rapt attention:

Later, as Young!Dick and Brucie make their way toward the theater, they hear shots fired nearby and whip into their costumes to dispense some Batly justice on the do-badders:

They catch two perps trying to make off with a big box from the back of the theater:

Robin takes down Hotfoot!Harry just as he’s preparing to rub one out, er, shoot them from the shadows, just as Sing!Hi!Lo makes it to the back door to thank them for stopping the robbery. But wait! Penguin comes hustling out the door, bopping Sing on the head:

In the ensuing chaos, Robin grabs one of the baddies, unable to see much of anything. But when the smoke clears:

A few days later, Young!Dick asks Brucie if there’s been any word on trained birds being used in robberies. Not yet, but Bruce suspects that a heist isn’t far off. Fast forward and we find a man musing outside of a new pet store:

We find out that the stranger outside is none other than Mr. Gemly, a famous jewel collector, and the proprietor of the store is none other than Mr. Waddle (aka Fat!Bastard…aka…The Penguin!):

Penguin bustles out a cockatiel named Horace, demonstrates his saucy accent, and Gemly snatches him up on the spot.

Once he’s out of the shop, Penguin chortles to his cohorts about his plan for the bird. It seems Pengy has taught the bird to remember the numbers to the man’s safe and with the helpful addition of sneezing powder in his special “food”, it won’t take long before Gemly’s gems get snatched. But what are the chances, you might be asking, that the bird would be privy to such information?

Later, when Horace repeats the numbers, Gemly is rattled, but secure in the knowledge that the bird couldn’t possibly loot the safe:

Of course, the next day, things take a turn for the terrible as poor Horace starts sneezing when Gemly feeds him his dinner. Gemly erupts into a sneezing fit too, and fearing it’s something terrible, he rings Mr. Waddle right away. He quickly makes his way to Gemly’s mansion to find out what the dilly:

Once he’s secured the combination, Pengy!Waddle flips a switch on his umbrella and releases a colorless, odorless gas into the room that leaves Gemly AND Horace feeling dizzy:

It doesn’t take long before both of them are out… for good:

Pengy!Waddle quickly empties the safe and sends the loot winging back to his evil HQ via homing pigeon so as not to be caught red handed.

Later, the story hits the headlines, catching the eye of Brucie:

He gathers up Young!Dick for a little outing:

They follow Pengy as he ducks into a jewelry store and while they wait outside for the crime to occur, INSIDE the shop, it’s just another day’s work for the poor jewelry clerk (who apparently has no idea who Penguin is):

While the clerk is busy showing off the requested sparklies, Penguin pulls a pair of blackbirds from his pockets:

He leaves without incident, confusing our crime fighters with his inactivity. But just as they’re about to write it off as a simple “case the place” scenario, there’s suddenly a flurry of activity as the two birds burst from the store, glittery ill-gotten goods in tow:

But wait! In another twist of avicidal tendencies, Pengy goes around the corner, undoes his ‘brella and lets loose with a falcon:

He takes his sparkling treasures back to his hideout and stashes them away. But just as everyone is har-har’ing their success at being sneaky:

And the bird puns come hard and fast from then on:

Unfortunately for our heroes, Pengy is prepared for this situation:

Naturally, our baddie isn’t going to stay around for the warm reception:

Our heroes pull the two knaves to safety, rather than leaving them to roast, and question them about where they’ve hidden the jewels. When they keep mum, Robin notices that a nearby pelican (presumably ALSO saved from the fire) has his bill all sealed up and goes to investigate:

Just then, Batsy decides to play a little trick on his nemesis:

As the henchies run off to share this good news, not thinking that, y’know, it might be a trap or something, Batsy and Robin use some of the homing pigeons they rescued from the fire to find the whereabouts of Pengy’s hideout. Fast forward a few hours, and Penguin is returning home from his outing, a chest of Bruce!Jewels under his arm. He chortles on about how Harry and Louie, the two henchies, were stool pigeons and sets to opening the chest to inspect his newest acquisitions:

And just as he’s dealing with the sudden bat influx, another bat drops by to put another twist in his knickers. Rather than try to run when he’s obviously outmatched, he presses a button and voila:

It has the exact intended reaction and our heroes are blindsided by the sneezing fits:

He quickly ties them up and sets a pet penguin to guard them, heading off to his lab:

It’s right then that we learn something new about our beloved Batsy that even baffles his sidekick:

The real!penguin, charmed by his new wards, decides to be helpful:

And as though that weren’t bizarre enough:

Batsy uses the lighter to burn through his bonds:

And, freed, sets to work on Robin:

They hotfoot it to the lab and bust in on Fake!Pengy doing his experiment, and in response, he jumps out the window:

Outside, he’s strung up a zip line between buildings and uses it to zoom away. Of course, once our heroes are on it, things change:

Batman manages to snag a ledge and keep them from hurtling to their deaths, and the pair are back in the hunt:

Penguin grabs his trusty whistle and tweets into the night, which irritates Batsy:

Bats swirl around him, as they are wont to do when disturbed by a bell bonging in their belfry. But just before the pair can cart the confused criminal off to jail, there’s another surprise:

Try as they might, our heroes are able to only focus on fighting off the eagles, letting Penguin escape:

Until Thursday!

Snarkstresssig


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