Issue #129, The Mighty Thor (June 1966)
The Mighty Thor “The Verdict of Zeus!”
Another Thor’s day is upon us and you know what THAT means, don’t you? Yup. Another Emo!Thor adventure, fresh from my fingertips.
I won’t bore you with my normal verbal shenanigans here at the beginning because we’ve got ADVENTURE to get to!
Last we left our intrepid hero, he was walking away from a distraught Zesty!Herc who’d been tricked into signing an unbreakable contract with Pluto taking over his duties as ruler of the Netherworld. Thor, power fully restored, returned for round two of his epic!battle with Herc, only to postpone it at the last minute when he discovered what had happened. Seems he thinks Herc needs to get his priorities straightened out before he beats him to a pulp. We pick up in this issue with Emo!Thor returning to New York, presumably to get back to business as usual:
If you’ll remember, the last time Thor was in the city, everyone was mocking him for getting his ass handed to him by Herc. I wonder if things are still the same:
Everyone wants to know what happened to Zesty!Herc, but Thor, to his credit, doesn’t burden them with the knowledge about what’s really going on. Instead, after he’s tired of the questioning, he wants to leave, but the rabble just won’t let him go. Enter…the cabbie:
Somehow he manages to get his bulk into the backseat, telling the cabbie to take him to the Town Towers on East 75th street. Along the way, we’re treated to a charming exchange between Thor and his driver:
They pull up outside the towers and Thor leaps out, thanking the cabbie before rushing off and freaking out the doorman who wasn’t expecting such celebrity to appear. The doorman can’t believe his ears:
Flash over to Olympus, where Daddy!Zeus is having a celebratory “Herc is gone” party, complete with Dionysius and dancing girls. But there is a problem! Daddy!Zeus senses an evil presence, a disturbance, if you will, in the force:
Pluto demands his rightful place on the council, and Zeus tells him NAY:
Pluto waves the contract in Zeus’s face, gloating about the loophole clause that he’s exploited to get out of his corner. Zeus is skeptical, realizing that whoever the witless fool is that signed it must’ve been tricked into it, but hey, a deal’s a deal. That’s when Pluto reveals that it was none other than Zeus’s own son, Zesty!Herc. As expected, this doesn’t sit very well with the ruler of Olympus, but while he’s still reeling from the bombshell, we cut to Herc, currently scaling the massive side of Mount Olympus because he doesn’t have any nifty teleportation powers:
Reaching the summit at last, Herc has to face off against a new obstacle in the form of a yellow-crested titan. Herc tells him to stand aside:
Having dared lay hands on the Prince of Power, Herc decides that he is offended enough to pause in his mission just to kick some yellow-crested titan ass. And he does.
When he finally makes it to the palace, he notices that no one seems willing to make eye contact with him and immediately knows something is up. However, he’s still intent on seeing Daddy!Zeus to plead his case, when suddenly:
Not only does Zeus KNOW about the contract, but he’s damned determined to uphold it, despite his affection for his “tragic offspring”:
Tragic!Herc decides to plead his case anyway:
Where, indeed, Tragic!Herc, will you find such a NOBLE and SELFLESS hero to take up your cause? Back in NYC, Thor gets a little surprise when he knocks on Harlot!Jane’s door:
After practically making out with Thor right there inside the doorway, Jane finally remembers that they’re being watched by her creepy new friend and introduces them. Tana Nile, from a distant…place, meet Thor. Thor, Tana:
Jane isn’t entirely surprised, apparently:
But enough about the strange, Creepy!Tana and her ability to make men fall to their knees for absolutely no reason. Let’s talk about something more important, Harlot!Jane:
With that news, Jane decides it’s time for coffee, because that’s what you DO when your luv-bunny announces that he’s going to give up being an immortal GOD for you:
Jane, who has apparently been selfishly praying for this to happen, is overjoyed at the news, and rushes to snuggle her Thor:
Emo!Thor hammers off to Asgard, traveling through space/time until he lands on Bifrost and intercepts Balder. Lucky for him, Thor’s just the Asgardian he was heading to see:
Apparently, Odin needs to see Thor, and rather than be all Odin-y and do it himself, he sent Balder out to fetch him. Because he can totally do that. Ruler of Asgard and all.
Thor finds his father reading in the throne room, and Odin informs him that it’s his turn to wait in Limbo until he’s called into action. Thor tries to tell him that there’s something he needs to talk to him about, but Odin says him NAY:
So we leave Emo!Thor standing in the grey mists of Limbo and flash over to check on Tragic!Herc and his quest to find someone to be his champion. First stop? Ares. Herc even asks politely, but Ares, who has apparently had an “issue” with Herc for who knows how long, tells him to buzz off.
Herc has a bit of a scuffle with him before traipsing off to find someone else to pester. Ah, look! Hermes! Surely Hermes must be willing to champion Herc?
Time is running out for Herc and with its passage, so too, goes Herc’s confidence:
Just then, Pluto appears, calling up his armies to drag Reluctant!Herc to his new home. Every fiber of his being cries out to fight this new tyranny, but alas, he cannot…because it’s in the contract:
Herc’s cry of despair is heard all the way in Limbo, where our beloved Emo!Thor waits, bored off his ass:
Emo!Thor is whisked away to Olympus, and hearing the voice of Hercules, he dashes off to save him. Pluto gloats as his minions swarm over the desperate Herc:
Will Thor triumph over Pluto’s minions? Will Herc be freed from his contract? WHO will be the last god standing? Find out, next week.
Until then (from Tales of Asgard):
~Go Team Thor!