Werewolf? There wolf!

Issue #32, Detective Comics (Oct. 1939)

Moody!Monday, Bat-fans 🙂

Oh what a week our poor, poor Beleaguered!Batsy has had. First, his fiancee, Skele!Julie (that none of us knew he even HAD) goes on an attempted murderous rampage, then she’s kidnapped by a Red!Menace after being sent on a bogus vacation, and she’s only saved at the last moment by our hero, who has dodged snake-filled pits and gigantic gorillas to get to her.

One would think that would be enough to send one or both of them scurrying back home until Batsy can figure out a better plan.

One would be very…very wrong indeed.


We pick up somewhere in the wilds of Hungary, where our hero is trailing the Red!Monk, his fiancee totally forgotten, as he careens down the moonlit path in a scene straight out of Bram Stoker’s Dracula.  Not to be outdone:

Obvious!Batman! is... obvious.

He drops onto the top of the speeding carriage and pops a gas pellet inside, hoping to stun/disable the occupant:

Okay, now, I *know* I'm not crazy...isn't that totally Puff, The Magic Dragon? Who lives by the sea? What is IN those gas pellets anyway??

Tossing the driver off into the bushes, Batman peeks inside and is surprised to find a woman, unconscious:

...Is she wearing to make her boobs so pointy? I KNOW, RIGHT? You could cut glass with those things.

Although this unexpected female looks disturbingly like his fiancee, Batsy hauls her out of the carriage and carts her off to do a little…interrogation of his own:

Nice to see Batman doing whatever he can to make a woman feel welcome in his presence. Here, our hero demonstrates the "sack-o-potatoes" maneuver.

We discover that the abducted woman is not Julie…when she meets Julie:

Aww, EMO!Batsy is upset that Dala thinks she's been "kidnapped" and that Skele!Julie seems to like HER more than him. Pouty!Batman is pouty.

Later that night, just when things seem to be going well, Dala emerges from the room she’s sharing with Julie, apparently sleep walking, with blood on her lips!

Dood, relax! Maybe she's born with it.'s Maybelline. We still think you're prettier than she is.

Emo!Batsy is concerned about Julie, and he turns his back on Bloody!Dala for the barest moment, giving her a chance to clock him on the noggin with a well concealed statuette and disappear into the night. Batman rushes in to check on his girl:

OH NOES! VAMPIRES! But wait...Dala didn't sparkle. Go get her, Batsy!

Batman flings himself out the window, unfortunately NOT changing into an actual bat (because that would’ve been entirely too awesome right about now… it’s the October issue…please tell me I’m not the only one who sees where this is going?), and knocking Fleeing!Dala to the ground:

The hair horns gave it away, didn't it, Batsy? It was totally the hair horns. Never trust a woman with horny hair.

Batman promises to decide if he wants to kill him or not, and Dala spills the beans about Red!Monk’s location, offering to take Batsy to him.  Our hero decides to safeguard his girl before he leaves:

Be strong! Be confident! And if that doesn't work, throw money at the bad guys!

So, Dala and Batsy set out:

'Nuff said.

Unfortunately, a giant silver net manages to snag the batplane right out of the sky:

*gasp* NO! She betrayed the bat! She must paaaaay...

Red!Monk manages to overpower Batman’s brain with his hypnotic powers, intending to send him off to the werewolf’s den (because, c’mon…this is WAY before Underworld), but Dala has an idea!

Jeeze, woman! What IS it with all the nagging? It's enough to give a vampy villain a headache.

Skele!Julie holds out for as long as she can:

Which is to say...for about 5 seconds.

Red!Monk then tells Hypno!Batsy that he’s going to call forth the werewolves and let them take a few moments to get all acquainted before they wreak revenge upon our hero:

Well that just makes SO MUCH SENSE NOW!

Wolf!Monk goes running through the woods, howling up a storm, stirring up the other werewolves in the area before coming back and telling Hypno!Bat the rest of the plan:

And we will hug her, and squeeze her, and make sure she always sees the groomer!

As Red!Monk shoves batsy into the den, somehow, Batman regains his complete mind, and decides it’s time to end these shenanigans:

*wince* Ooh. Tough break there, hero! Can't win them all, can ya? Someone botched his saving throw...

Acting fast, our hero unleashes another gas pellet, using the smoke to cover his getaway:

Uh...I *said* "using the smoke to cover his getaway"...maybe you should've packed a better rope?

The werewolves wake back up from the knockout gas, only to be knocked out again by another pellet of knockout gas, as Batman uses his head this time, and attaches the end of the rope to the batarang he totally forgot he had hidden in his belt:

Ta-da! Go Team Batsy!

He tracks down Julie, who is sleeping in a very nice bed, all peaceful like, and then an idea formulates in his mind:

Waiiiiit a minute. I think Batman's getting his mythos mixed up. But hey, maybe it'll work?

Somehow acquiring a GUN, our hero searches out the two vampiric!villains as they sleep:

No wonder he wore a hood! Look at that ugly mug! Batman Bodycount: 6

Baddies out of the way, our hero returns to his lady love:

Who doesn't know who he really is, but she's about to show him what "grateful" really means. *cue porn track*


~Go Team Batsy!
Snarkstress *H*

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