Verily! Lame!Blake Returns! Now With Added Emo!

Issue #138, The Mighty Thor (Mar. 1967)

The Mighty Thor “The Flames Of Battle!”

Thundering Thor’s Day to you, Emo!Thor Enthusiasts!  We hope you had a restful and reverent Memorial Day weekend.  Here at Hus af Snark, Dragon spent the time goofing off while your lovely Snarkstress was hard at work, cracking the whip and making money.

What can I say? I love working from home.

We watched Thor: Tales of Asgard and were entertained immensely.  We caught up on Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes and were once again reminded why we adore the show (namely, Thor vs. Iron Man re: technology vs. magic).  We had an amazing dinner of DD-cup grilled chicken titties with sides at a friend’s bbq and laughed way too hard, way too often.

But enough about us…


Our hero has found himself in a bit of a pickle, chasing after a female again, and returning to earth for the first time in what feels like AGES. Of course, he doesn’t return to earth to wander the streets of NYC as Thor, that would be too … obvious:

I am too awesome. Verily, would they be like moths unto a flame.

There appears to be only ONE thing to do:

WOE! The humanity!

Hooray! Lame!Blake is back! I wonder if he’s still considered the premiere surgeon in the city? Does he even have an office anymore? All of that aside, the psychic homing signal that allows one Asgardian to sense another on earth still works, and Lame!Blake is still able to sense Sexay!Sif somewhere nearby.  But, unbeknown to our hero, he’s being watched:

Like, totally, Grar! Ulik is *such* a diva!

Another of the trolls decides to let Ulik know that Lame!Blake is in the area, and the two have a bit of a row over who’s in charge and who’s awesomer than whom, the final consensus appears to favor Ulik. While elsewhere, Lame!Blake finally reaches the area where he feels Sif most strongly:


The trolls restrain Lame!Blake while one of them fondles his cane and tries to transform it:

Hmm. Must be broken. Arrogant!Blake is arrogant.

Purple!Troll threatens Lame!Blake with Ulik’s wrath unless he reveals the secret of the cane, and Crafty!Blake agrees, telling him to tap it again on the floor, offering to show him how and being denied. However, Crafty!Blake realizes he only has ONE shot to get his fingers on that cane as it changes:


Of course, Ulik now decides to make an appearance, just as Emo!Thor is gearing up to kick some righteous troll ass.  Ulik makes a comment about beating the crap out of Thor, and this just serves to redirect Thor’s already impressive anger:

That's my girlfriend you're talking about! HAVE AT THEE!

Back on Asgard, the trolls have encountered the Asgardian resistance to their attack. Strong though they may be, it’s not enough and the Asgardian forces are in dire need of more men.  Some random noble is sent to Daddy!Odin to request backup:

Unfortunately, the calvary won't be arriving this evening. There's issue.

While they try to decide what to do with the rider, we flash over to King!Gierrodur’s throne room, where he’s embroiled in some heavy thoughts of death and destruction to Asgard.  Since they haven’t heard from the forces sent into the tunnel leading to the heart of Asgard, there’s some speculation whether they actually made it.  He calls upon Orikal to find out:

Great job, Geirrodur. Remind him of his slavery because that will TOTALLY make him help you.

Bitter!Orikal tells him that his forces are about to attack Asgard. Which…somehow…makes one of the other trolls in the room assume victory is theirs. Sure. Not like that wasn’t already the plan, and Bitter!Orikal didn’t mention a *thing* about the troll forces being successful. Just sayin’.

See? Nothing in there about winning. But, y'know, whatevs.

Back on earth, Ulik and Thor are embroiled in an Epic!Battle, tearing up the subway tunnels beneath NYC:

Whew! Go Team Thor!

Ulik flings himself at the Thunder God, determined to end this:

Nun!Ulik delivers the dreaded "Catholic School Wrist Slap". That... is the face of a Thunder God in pain.

Ulik follows up with a might blow that sends our hero flying.  The other trolls leap upon him, thinking to wrench Mjolnir from his cold, dead hands, only to discover that his hands are neither cold, nor dead as they go flying.  Taking a moment to finally rest while the trolls recollect themselves, Emo!Thor discovers something:

Emo!Thor regrets his weekend bender with the Warriors Three.

He’s found Captive!Sif! But her imprisonment presents him with a bit of a conundrum:

Verily! She is gel-coated to go down smoother. One Sif a day keeps the headaches at bay.

Emo!Thor puts his thinking cap on, and apparently, his hammer down to ponder his next move. Stealth!Urik creeps up behind our hero, wielding a giant, pink Cosmic!Clam:

In an effort to retain my self-imposed pg-13 rating here, I am going to refrain from being too vulgar because, c'mon...we ALL know what it looks like.

Shortly, we discover that the Cosmic!Clam has magical powers:

Okay. So it's less of a Cosmic!Clam and more of a Vortex!Vag then? With the powers of sucking Thor's hammer? *leave it alone, Snarkstress*

As you might suspect, this is…disturbing for our hero:

NOOOOOO! My Hammer!!!

With that, Triumphant!Ulik disappears into a suddenly appearing portal that pops him back to Asgard and leaves Thor behind, Emoing at the wall:


While Emo!Thor is distracted, we see Sexay!Sif being released from her gel-capsule prison:

That was one HELL of a party, am I right, Sif?

She soon discovers that the pounding in her head isn’t coming from INSIDE her head at all:

Emo!Thor cannot be consoled by your womanly charms, Sif. *cue the vi-woe-lins* Also? I thought the whole 60-seconds/humanity thing had been resolved waaaay back?

While the Emo!Thor emoes about his lost supreme hammer, we flip back over to Asgard, where Daddy!Odin is preparing to kick some serious troll-heiney:

Outfitted with his new Wacky Hat, Daddy!Odin prepares his Shock and Awe campaign.

Throwing himself into the fray, he rallies his men around him, seeming to be gaining some ground, when suddenly:

Embarrassment! Don't you just hate when that happens? Unsworded in the heat of battle? Good question, Daddy!Odin! Where IS your son run off to?

As if to answer his question, we flash back to earth for the final panels, where our hero is emoing ALL over Sexay!Sif:


Until next week (from Tales of Asgard):

That's it...clutch that staff. Mmmhmm. Feel that tingling in your arms as you grip and caress the wood. Oooh. Yeah...get ready to receive some *serious* knowledge-flow.


~Go Team Thor!
Snarkstress *H*

Share Post :

More Posts

Got something to say?