Tana Nile Isn’t Thor’s Friend…

Issue #131, The Mighty Thor (Aug. 1966)

The Mighty Thor “They Strike From Space!”

I know I’ve mentioned it here in ye olde blog about how I’ve always been a DC girl at heart and how that’s likely to always be the case.  This issue of Thor is precisely why.  Let me ‘splain…no…there is too much.

Let me sum up: I am not a huge Sci-Fi fan. No, really.  Dragon can attest to it. It’s not that I don’t like Sci-Fi, it’s just that I have a difficult time wrapping my overactive mind around the concepts presented therein.  You wouldn’t think this would be a big issue. I’m a huge Star Trek nerd, and obviously, I enjoy Marvel comics. But I’ve never watched Firefly (yes, I hear the gasps of shock and outrage now), I’m not a fan of Sanctuary, Dr. Who, and their ilk.

Fantasy worlds are SO much easier for me to immerse myself in.  Perhaps I’m not tech-y enough, despite my computer knowledge and the sheer volume of time I spend online.  Give me fantastical creatures, swords and magic over alien bugs, star ships and ray-guns any day.

So DC, with all the alternate dimensions, is easier for me to get into than the futuristic, space adventures of Marvel. I will admit that when I read the title of the today’s issue, I let out a sigh. Not because I hated reading it (it IS Emo!Thor), but because I knew that I was head to head with one of my less-than-favorite comic experiences… Space invaders.

But… enough about my hangups! Let’s get this show on the road!

OMGYAY!Herc is pleased that Snarkstress is getting on with it!


So, last we checked in with our beloved hero, he had just finished saving Zesty!Herc from the clutches of Evil!Pluto and his minions.  Peace has been restored, everyone is back in their rightful places in the godly realms.  Back on earth, Tana Nile sent Harlot!Jane on a long journey to who-knows-where, and decided it was time to let her hair down and show this world just how rockin’ she really is.

We join our story, already in progress, with Emo!Thor having transported Re-Zesty!Herc to good ol’ Olympus, where everyone greets him with open arms!

Except, of course, Ares. Who's been sucking his lemons for a little extra bitter pucker it seems.

Zesty!Herc immediately goes toe-to-toe with Sour!Ares and Thor, having seen enough of Herc’s shenanigans to last a lifetime, decides to blow that Popsicle stand and head home.

Hey Herc, I'll, uh...I'll just be over here. *flee*

He heads back to Asgard, reminding us that this is going to be the very last time he’s going to pester Daddy!Odin to relent on his “no god shall marry a mortal” clause. Otherwise? He’s totally going to throw a tantrum and give up being Thor.  He climbs to the top of Olympus and departs as only a Thunder God can:

*poof* He's gone. For his next trick...

Meanwhile, back on earth, we discover that Harlot!Jane has boarded a cross-country bus, intent on going… where, again?

That's right, lady. I'll bet you're wishing you'd picked an empty seat now, aren't you?

Speaking OF Creepy!Tana….She’s decided to let her true form free, now that the pesky Jane and Thor are out of the picture:

What the... What IS she? Why have I seen that before?

OH! So she's an EPIC!PINK!MODOK? It explains so much.

Her transmission request to claim colonization rights to earth flies across the galaxy to her home world, where it’s received by a giant, metallic E.T. :

Who knew going home meant morphing into a giant metal monster computer? Wait...has anyone seen Elliott?

Inspectors are dispatched to her location and we’re off n’ running with that storyline. But, honestly, I think it’s time to switch our attention back our beloved Emo!Thor, who’s cranked the emo-ness up to 12 and is just arriving at Daddy!Odin’s side:

Celestial Chess is Serious Goddamned Business.

Thor immediately gets to the point:

And once again, Thor sees that Odin has more important issues on his mind. Also? To answer his question, Yes.

But contrary to popular opinion, Odin HAS made up his mind about this issue:

*gasp!* Have you taken leave of your SENSES, Odin?? I think he finally got tired of the whining.

Ecstatic!Thor nearly hugs him in thanks, opting instead to merely rush off so he can tell Harlot!Jane in person that he’s officially allowed to make her his bride, despite the fact he hasn’t even officially proposed to her yet:

Random energy bolt attack from your girlfriend's window? That might put a damper on one's mood, I think.

It would appear that Tana’s inspection team has arrived and they “overreacted” a bit at the sight of a joyous Thunder God sailing toward the apartment window. Thor reacts about as well as we can expect:

Yeah, that used to be Jane's outer apartment wall and window, right there. Way to go, Emo!Thor. How better to say "I love and want to marry you" than to demolish the side of her building?

Tana, for the sake of full disclosure, decides to spill the beans about where Harlot!Jane is:

Er, right. The guy just crashed through his beloved's wall, so I'm thinking it's "of consequence" to him.

She reinforces the whole “I’m In Charge” vibe by blasting our hero with another of her famous Mind Thrusts, dropping him to his knees so she can tell her story:

Relax, Emo! hurts more if you tense up.

Essentially, she’s going to wait for the inspection team to rule the planet good enough for her claim, appear before the United Nations and declare herself Empress Tana the First.  On the off chance that there might be some… less than favorable responses to this claim, she’s going to unleash the mighty Space Lock around the planet and bounce it wherever she feels like putting it.

Empress!Tana could even make it do loop-de-loops if she so desires!

Thor has issues with this, ‘natch:

Straining!Thor says thee NAY!

Rather than try to redouble the Mind Thrust, the Inspector decides to blast him with a Proton Coagulant Ray.  Clever!Thor stops his struggle:

Lazy!Thor just needs a little time to recuperate, that's all.

The Inspectors activate Tana’s space lock wrist watch and take off with Cubed!Thor.  It seems they want to study him back on their home constellation of Rigel. Along the way, they pass one of Jane’s neighbors and her little dog:

Well! I never! Those Rigelians are SO rude!

The tuck Cubed!Thor away into their ship and off they go. Apparently, they think that by studying Cubed!Thor, they might find a way to defeat whatever horror it is that lurks within the Black Galaxy.  Just the mention of the name fills them with dread.  Knowing it’s going to be a long flight, and being just plain tuckered out from inspecting, they set the auto-controls and relax.

Meanwhile, Elitist!Thor is offended by his prison. Psh. Proton Lock. Puh-lease.

Empress!Tana activates the space log, assuming that she might have some difficulties convincing humanity to just accept her claim as supreme ruler. We’ll see if she’s right.  Back on the ship, Thor attacks his captors, who even mentally change their physical density, thinking this is going to deter our hero from kicking their alien asses.

Oh snap. I feel a righteous Asgardian Thunder God monologue coming on!

Having worked himself up into a rage, PISSED!Thor takes out his frustrations on the unsuspecting abductors:

VERILY! WOO! GO TEAM THOR! *fangirl squee*

Though he could escape, having hammered the two into unconsciousness, he decides it’s better to stay on board, because, y’know, it might be nice to see where this auto-pilot ship is headed:

*cue the vi-woe-lins* Aaaand...determined hero takes us out.

I’m seriously curious about this Black Galaxy horror, and although I have a sneaking suspicion that it might be one of Thor’s old nemeses coming back into play, I, like you, will have to wait until next week to find out!

Until then, however, (from Tales of Asgard):

Volstagg? More like Volstuck.

~Go Team Thor
Snarkstress *H*

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