Issue #146, The Mighty Thor (Nov. 1967)
The Mighty Thor “—If The Thunder Be Gone!”
Thundering!Thursday, Emo!Thor Enthusiasts!
So I still feel bad about not getting last week’s E!T up, and I have devised a plan to rectify that situation.
There will be TWO posts today! That should get me all caught up, yes? And give you a double-dose of our forlorn hero, stuck on earth…stripped of his powers… WOE!
Also? (Psst…Lookie what I snagged from the end of Captain America!)
*serious fangirl hyperventilating*
When last we left our shattered hero, he was picking up the pieces of his life, starting anew albeit powerless but for the strength he was born with. And in this universe, there’s really only ONE place to go when you find yourself super strong and pretty (two, technically, if you count Hollywood ala Zesty!Herc’s experience):
In the proximity of people who are, quite possibly, weirder than you. Also, Costume! YAYZ!
So Smarmy!Ringmaster has shelled out a few bucks for a new costume with which to clothe our Nearly!Nekkid Thor, and what did he settle on?
Oh. You…shouldn’t have. No…you really shouldn’t have. I have one that’s SO much better. What is this? Polyester? *Diva!Thor*
As expected, our hero is less than enthused about his new digs, but rather than say anything about it, he walks off into the sunset, dejected and utterly downtrodden by his new turn in life. Princess!Python and Smarmy!Ringmaster watch him go:
Oh honey. We hate to see you go, but we sure don’t mind watching you leave.
After the break, it’s back to work. Everyone has a role to play in tonight’s show and they all must be ready. Meanwhile, Dejected!Thor tries on his new outfit:
WOE! I cannot even bear to look at myself! *sobs into hands*
Of course, ever the optimist, Emo!Thor eventually snaps out of it and gives himself a little peptalk:
And he shall speak only in abcb rhyming quatrain because it makes Emo!Thor that much more EMO and AWESOME that he does!
Peptalk over, he joins the circus procession, already in progress, but he’s surprised to discover that the crowd isn’t warming up to him:
Emo!Thor learns how truly fickle his adoring public can be.
To demonstrate that he’s not just “playing a role”, Smarmy!Ringmaster has Emo!Thor throw his hammer at a nearby granite target, shattering it with a mighty KRATTKK! The crowd isn’t convinced, but S!R has a plan:
…to bring Disco back, y’all!
The crowd is mesmerized by the whirling disc, and so, when Thor trudges over to pick up his hammer, all they can see is the hammer flying BACK to our hero’s hand! Cheering erupts, the day has been saved:
What the hell is WRONG with you people? No really. Emo!Thor doesn’t get it. Welcome to showbiz, kid.
But wait! As if Emo!Thor’s day couldn’t get any worse:
OMG! WHAT? JANE YOU SLUT! (I thought she’d been relocated to the West Coast?)
Princess!Python is waiting in the wings to mend his broken heart:
Shh. Names aren’t necessary. They just…complicate things.
Smarmy!Ringmaster interrupts, naturally, and bedazzles our hero:
oooh. preeeetty. (You thought I was kidding about the bedazzling thing, didn’t you?)
Sucked in, Emo!Thor is fully under S!R’s spell and the REAL show begins in earnest. Flash forward to a random museum nearby, I assume, with some very bored guards:
Did someone say CLOWN? And this, folks, is why SO many people are afraid of clowns. You’re just standing around, doing your job, and BAM! CLOWN-AGE!
Just as Creepy!Clown makes his getaway, the acrobats come flipping in, to cause MORE chaos and disorder, leading our sentries on a wild goose chase. Human!Cannonball’s role is to ptwee through the window:
Princess!Python is close behind, using her serpent as a distraction and makeshift restraint for the one remaining guard. With him down, all she has to do is fling wide the doors and let Trance!Thor in to do his part of the job:
That’s a whole lotta bull he’s got to deal with, just sayin’. Also? Check out Smarmy!Ringmaster’s coaching techniques…
Trance!Thor takes it slow, despite the impending danger coming down the hallway (more guards are coming). S!R tries to hurry him along, but Human!Cannonball isn’t finished setting shit on fire yet:
CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BURNING AS FAST AS I CAN WOMAN?
He finally makes it through the wall, a giant hydraulic magnet pulling the charred wall out of place, and leaving a huge opening in the side of the building through which our hero will be tossing his booty:
Psh. Please. I’m the freakin’ mighty Thor. I won’t collapse. (Way to offend the Asgardian there, Mr. Bossy-pants.)
While they start wrapping cables around the huge statue, the serpent makes a nuisance of itself and darts into a wall, escaping the gunfire from the backup guards. The guards FINALLY realize the bull has been taken and chase after the crew, firing away as they do:
Wha? Huh? OMG! I’M ENGAGED IN A CRIMINAL ACTIVITY! NOES!
Shocked!Thor reacts in the way you’d expect him to:
OMGNOES! NOOOOOOOOO! I’M NOT A CROOK!
Of course, since he wasn’t looking where he dropped the gigantic statue that only he can lift, we discover that he managed to drop it RIGHT ON TOP of Princess!Python. Back on Asgard, Sif and Balder watch on, helpless to stop the unfolding events:
DAMN YOU, ENCHANTED PRISM! Ignorance truly is bliss.
Of course, they know they cannot help, not until Daddy!Odin gets over his EPIC!TANTRUM. Unfortunately for them, that won’t be happening anytime soon:
Ahh, the old “this will hurt me more than it’ll hurt you” argument. Must be damned painful to be walking slowly through an abandoned wood, all alone, rather than facing down a hail of bullets.
Back on earth, the guards give one last warning to poor Thor: either give up, or get dead.
What’s a Thunder God to do??
Looks like we’ll find out in the next post!
(By the by, Tales of Asgard is apparently done as of last issue, in case you wondered.)
~Go Team Thor!