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Odin Gets Out His Pimp Stick!

Issue #123, Journey Into Mystery (Dec. 1965)

The Mighty Thor “While A Universe Trembles!”

Okay, so life got in the way to prevent my timely update of the latest Emo!Thor installment. Mea culpa.  And is anyone else noticing that these titles are starting to seriously sound like the names of Soap Operas?

Forging ahead.

When last we left our intrepid hero, he was busily whisking Sidekick!Hobbs off to the famed spires of Asgard after threatening him with becoming potential Dino-chow.  Meanwhile, in Asgard, Evil!Loki was finally making his move against Daddy!Odin, with a little help from his brutish bully Crusher Creel.  Things were starting to look quite dire for Odin when a blast of cosmic energy didn’t destroy Creel but instead, made him more dangerous! OH NOES! Can this cosmic calamity get any more catastrophic? (*feels just like the announcer at the end of the old Batman TV series*)

ONWARD!

We open on Emo!Thor reiterating to Sidekick!Hobbs that what he’s about to see will BLOW HIS MIND! And in return for this insider glimpse of the fabled home of the Norse gods, Hobbs has promised to completely forget all about the pictures he took of the Blake/Thor transformation.  Seems easy enough.  Hobbs, naturally, wants to take pictures while he’s there, but Thor says him nay, because it’s just entirely too awesome.  They travel by vortex, so everything is shielded from view, but when the whirlwind drops…

What'd I say? MIND? You've officially been blown.

Emo!Thor does the whole “walk this way” bit with Awestruck!Hobbs and about halfway along the bridge, Thor realizes that Heimdall isn’t at his post which means that something REALLY BAD is going on.  They race through the shining, empty streets and with each passing second Thor is getting more and more worried.  When they finally come upon Odin’s guards, trying to regroup from getting their asses handed to them by Creel, all of Thor’s worst fears are confirmed.  What IS a Thunder God to do in a situation like this?

Two words for you: Glory. Hound. Go Team Thor!

He arrives just in time to see the cosmic bolt hurling and the subsequent disaster that it causes when Creel throws the bolt right back at Odin. Daddy must be warned!  But how to get close enough? Meanwhile, there’s a bit of mud slinging and hurt feelings going on between the two combatants:

His fibers. They quiver. Behold the anger of Odin!

Oh SNAP! Creel is, shall we say, unimpressed by Odin's quivering rage.

Daddy!Odin, having learned NOTHING from the cosmic bolt fiasco, decides to conjure up a molecular cyclone to throw at Creel…which truly dismays our hero:

And the award for "warnings that come too little, too late" goes to... Emo!Thor!

Suddenly, we find ourselves in a jungle on earth, with no idea of how we got here.

Initiating abrupt storyline introduction in 3...2...

Seems as though those silly Commies are on the hunt for a savage who threatens their message of peace and love via violence and despair.  The savage in question hangs out in the bushes, bemoaning the lack of divine intervention, shaking his fist at the sky and calling out the god, when suddenly:

OH HEY! It's the oddly ambulatory Norn Stone of Forgotten-ness! Why, it must be fate!

And the second our savage picks up the stone, he’s overcome by a rush of strength and awesomeness. He cannot be stopped! And, with a healthy dose of fearlessness brought about by magical means, he pops up out of the bushes and proceeds to smack the hell out of the Commies who were hunting him down.

Bowling anyone?

The Commies retaliate by firing their guns, and STRAWNG!Savage snatches them out of the air and flings them right back at ’em.  It is at this point that he has an epiphany:

Wow. Way to completely turn into a dick, there, dood. Justifiable anger and lashing out is one thing, but you're starting to sound an awful lot like your enemies there, bub.

But! We don’t really care about him, now do we? Back to Asgard, where Cyclone!Creel continues to menace Daddy!Odin while Emo!Thor appears to be trapped behind a wall. A wall that I don’t remember coming into play before our sudden scene change, but no matter, Creel is unstoppable:

Someone's definitely starting to get a little big for his britches, I'm thinking. And 10 to 1, Odin's thinking the same thing.

Thor desperately pulls himself out of his predicament, absolutely intent on at least providing backup for Odin’s last stand against Creel:

Ol' Whitey? REALLY? That's the best you could come up with, Creel?

It’s about this time that Sinister!Loki makes HIS presence known:

Oh SNAP! Now that is some serious gall right there. Even I'M embarrassed for Loki.

Surprisingly enough, rather than fight Loki too, Odin just hands the scepter over, much to the delight of Loki and the anguish of Thor:

We shall now do the triumphant dance of the triumphant! Weep, Emo!Thor, look upon Cunning!Loki and despair!

However, things don’t go quite as Cunning!Loki is expecting when Creel, drunk on his own power, grows a pair and decides to have HIS say about who’s in charge and they have a little tug o’ war over the scepter while Odin and Thor watch from the sidelines:

Sshhh, Thor... go get the popcorn bowl. This is about to get AWESOME!

While the two tussle over the scepter, Odin informs them that there’s a teeny little flaw in their plan to take over the universe:

*slow grin* Okay, so I'm starting to get why Odin handed over the scepter without so much fuss. Brilliant!

As the two prepare to go after each other again, Daddy!Odin unveils his OWN plan for them:

Odin is FED UP! Also? Go Team ODIN! *hands him some Visine*

Flinging them both into space, he confirms what Asgard already knew:

Be careful what you wish for... Daddy!Odin just might give it to you, because he's just that awesome.

Everyone is relieved as the two disappear into the void and there is much rejoicing! Daddy!Odin thanks Emo!Thor for being the valiant, courageous Thunder God that he is, and it’s about that time that Thor is reminded of something he’s forgotten:

Ooops. Damn those mortals. Always getting uppity about Asgardian speech.

Odin is understandably upset, but Thor explains about their “compact” while Loopy!Hobbs desperately searches for his camera because OMG! ODIN! Unfortunately, the camera in question is smashed beyond repair:

WOE! Emo!Hobbs is emo.

Odin walks away from the situation, telling Thor to get Hobbs out of his realm, and Hobbs is duly impressed:

Dood. You have NO idea. *whispers* It's the hat. Also? Emo!Thor says SO MUCH with his body language right here.

Hobbs petitions for the chance to maybe make a few sketches, but Thor says him nay, preparing to whirlwind them both back to earth, and we, again, abruptly switch scenes.  Meanwhile, back in the outskirts of Mongolia, it would appear our newest baddie has decided to branch out:

Because nothing says "you must not fear me" quite like SMASHING THROUGH THEIR BOLTED GATE wearing a demon mask and furry loin cloth.

The denizens flee, as expected, much to the dismay of  STRAWNG!Savage, but there IS a silver lining:

Aww! Another baddie gets his name! Isn't it enough to give you the warm fuzzies?

Back in the suburbs of New York, Hobbs and Thor are just arriving home, with Hobbs bemoaning his lack of evidence that he even went to Asgard.  It’s especially alarming because he doesn’t even remember it… thanks to our hero’s mind wipe abilities:

And then the rational part of your brain will take over and make you feel completely silly for even thinking it was real. Yay!

*whew* That was one hell of a story arc there….but the next issue will, hopefully, begin a NEW round of adventures for our hero!  A new year, a new Emo!Thor!  Stay tuned! I know I’m just dying to find out what The Demon has planned.

In the meantime (from Tales of Asgard):

Balder blows! (his horn)

~Go Team Thor!
Snarkstress *H*

 


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