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It’s Getting Downright UGLY Up In Gotham.

Issue #3, Batman (Fall 1940)

Moody!Monday, Batfans!

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Here’s hoping you had a lovely weekend. We spent ours celebrating Dragon’s Birthday, wandering a farmer’s market, having awesome breakfast with awesome friends, and glutting on Deadpool gaming goodness, with a side order of Sly Cooper for good measure.

Now it’s back to the old grindstone, as it were. At least for a few days before the holiday.

Not that that’s stopping our neighbors from celebrating with fireworks on Sunday night, apparently.

What THEY think they sound like: (wait for it…)

fireworksawesome

In reality:

catstartle

 

And so, in order to distract myself from the overwhelming urge to go out and get all bent out of shape, let’s take a look at what our favorite Dynamic Duo is up to this time, shall we?

 

NANANANANANANANA – ONWARD!

So we’re steadily making our way through Ish #3 of Batman, and last time, we were introduced to a new baddie who has a penchant for puppetry. This time, we’re going to tackle the ever-so-delicate subject of beauty. And we’re certainly off to a roaring start as our hero comes across a quartet struggling in the middle of the night:

Fists fly and baddies start scattering. Where are they headed? Why, for their getaway car, of course:

But before they can get to the car, things take a turn for the deadly:

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The car gets away and Batsy makes sure everyone’s in one piece:

Now that things have calmed down, Batman gets to work asking the requisite questions about what the HELL was going on anyway, and the victim, whom we learn is named Detective!McGonigle, explains that he saw the baddies attempting to set fire to the museum, so he thought it a good idea to step in. As you do in Gotham:

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Of course, Batsy isn’t about to be hauled off to jail, because there are other crimes to fight:

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Stunned, Detective!McClueless lays on the sidewalk as our hero disappears into the night before heading back to headquarters to tell his tale of woe:

Annoyed that his attempt to frame Batsy to cover up his own ineptitude, Detective!McDumbass nearly outs himself:

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Now that his hecklers are distracted, Detective!McChunkyChaplin makes a promise to himself:

Meanwhile, across town:

And in moments, he makes it to the lavish drawing room of one Random!Dodge:

It would appear that Brucie isn’t the only guest at this amazingly free dinner and Dodge introduces Bruce to Larry!Larrimore:

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Dinner happens. And then, as rich men are wont to do, they all sit around and shoot the shit for a while:

But man, this is a completely weird form of ailment, because as they watch, Ill!Dodge undergoes a horrendous alteration:

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Quickly, Ugly!Dodge’s doctor is called in, but, alas, he cannot find any physical reason why he’s suddenly become mirror-breakingly horrific:

Sure enough, the next day another victim finds himself melting the paint off the walls with his appearance, and in the days that follow, there are more:

Meanwhile, the police have their hands tied by a rash of criminal activities all aimed at destroying works of beauty, but every time they go to intervene:

Although they chase the car, they quickly lose sight of them:

And the madness continues for days, while Brucie starts following up on his suspicions that THIS IS NOT NORMAL AT ALL:

Later, Brucie walks the chastised detective out:

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Brucie decides to visit his poor, uglified friend, Dodge and finds Larrimore there, too:

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Later that night:

Suddenly, a hush falls over the crowd as The!Leader makes his grand debut:

Later, when Ug!Leader has a moment to himself:

And to prove his point:

Back at Chez!Wayne:

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Once changed, they head to the Bat!Mobile:

Out at Pier 3, the party’s already in full swing as the baddies overwhelm and take down the guards, and set about their destructive fun!time when suddenly:

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Fists fly, again, only this time, they’re joined by slingshot pellets, courtesy of Boy!Wonder. And everything is going just as they planned, except:

The baddies get away, but not before swerving to do the bullets!o’Doom from the car window thing and this time, it’s Robin who’s the target, until Batsy orders him to flatten like a pancake and avoid taking damage. Afterwards, while Batsy is checking on his boo, Detective!McWTHelldood tries *again* to snare the bat:

Rather than waste time pointing out the obvious, Batsy makes it short and sweet:

And, unsurprisingly:

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Off our Determined!Duo fly to the Bat!Mobile, hoping to catch up with the henchies:

Since no one has made the connection between the getaway car always disappearing but there is ALWAYS A FREAKIN’ TRUCK THERE WHEN THEY CATCH UP, Robin decides to listen to his favorite jam on the radio to break the awkward silence:

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They speed off to Dr!Ekhart’s place and hear the sounds of struggling inside. Finding the front door locked, Batsy comes up with a plan:

Robin steps aside and in seconds:

Fists begin to fly:

Robin joins in:

A few of the guys break away and head for the car, Batman hot on their heels:

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He follows the OBVIOUS!TRUCK to the hideout and is on his way to sneak inside for a peek:

When Batsy finally comes to, he discovers he’s bound to a post, but he’s not alone:

And who might this master be, you ask? Why, it’s none other than Larry!Larrimore:

Like a good host, Ug!Larrimore welcomes his guests:

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And so, the story of Ug!Larry begins, as most do, in college:

Carlson, might I add, being the half naked man in the background. SO! Everything is going according to plaaaan:

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Everything is hunky dory, and Casual!Carlson goes about his day-to-day with the blithe ignorance of the non-injected-with-random-chemicals people of the world, until:

And, as expected of someone whose entire world just went to absolute rubbish:

Dangle!Tyler finally puts all the pieces together:

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But enough of all that heaving bosom of distress staring, let’s check in on Robin, shall we?

He heads out to follow his Batsy!Boo’s trail:

And back at Ug!Larry’s Dungeon Du Jour:

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Unfortunately for everyone, it’s only Robin, not Boobs!Tyler’s awesome rack-o-steel:

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Robin pings over to let Batsy free and suddenly, it is ON:

Of course, our hero is so busy flinging innuendo that he doesn’t see Ug!Larry steady creepin’ up behind him with a dagger:

Now that everyone is even-steven:

And as if to mirror our own thoughts:

Chez!Wayne, next day:

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Poor Carlson:

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And while everyone’s getting all huggy and empathetic at the Wayne household, poor Detective!McFailure is once again being laughed at by the fine members of the GCPD:

Until Friday!

!!Snarkstresssig


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