couchlocked.com couchlocked.com

Emo!Thor Is TOO EMO For Death!

Issue #151, The Mighty Thor (Apr. 1968)

The Mighty Thor “To Rise Again!”

Thundering!Thursday, Emo!Thor Enthusiasts!

Thank you for your patience this past week. Between the damned vet’s office and Labor Day weekend, well… you already know the spiel. In the meantime, I’ve been checking out the new 52 (withholding judgment on a few until I see the second ones), fangirling over The Avengers, working on revamping the site, and just generally trying to get my snark-hat back from the WHB.

To that end:

*That sound you hear? That's Snarkstress flailing.*

*nearly passes out from squee induced fangasm*

‘Nuff said.

ONWARD!

So the last time we saw our Emo!Thor, he was preparing to lay the mother of all smackdowns upon Destroyer’s indestructible backside, completely unaware that the soul animating the suit belongs to none other than his Sexay!Sif.

We’ve secretly replaced the past malignant souls of the Destroyer with that of our hero’s beloved. Let’s see if he notices…

When he launches right into an attack, Sif!Destroyer realizes that she’s at a *severe* disadvantage, what with the “unable to talk” thing thanks to the suit’s lack of both vocal cords and mouth. She tries a new tactic:

What is this? Charades? Verily! I totally rock the charades!

Emo!Thor doesn’t pick up what Sif!Destroyer is putting down, opting instead to destroy the car she uses as a shield. Sif!Destroyer, at this point, realizes that there’s something else going on…apparently, she’s about to lose control of the suit, but as she turns to flee the scene, Determined!Thor takes off after her:

I *SAID* I need a moment to myself! What part of "STAY THE HELL HERE" do you not understand?

As the battle begins for realsies, Sif!Destroyer laments being tricked:

OH WOE! I have been duped! HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS COMING FROM THE TOTALLY EVIL NORN!QUEEN KNOWN TO ASSOCIATE WITH EVIL!LOKI? *girlsob*

Sif cannot stop the suit from snatching up some nearby pavement and using it to slap around her beloved, which causes even more lamentation, and back on Asgard:

Loki finally finds true love.

Norn!Queen gets all up in Soulless!Sif’s grill, asking her how SHE likes being all tricked and such. Sort of ignoring the fact that Sif *technically* can’t hear her right now:

You know it’s bad when LOKI has to remind you that chickie is a lifeless shell.

They bring forth Bound!Balder:

Me-OW! Why hello thar, Balder. Looking quite muscle-y today!

Norn!Queen’s lusty advances are turned away by her stalwart prisoner, with the help of an interloper who, until later, shall remain nameless. Why? Because we flash back to Earth, where Destroyer!Sif and Clueless!Thor are locked in savage battle:

YOU SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH THOR! Also? Wait, so…Emo!Sif is planning to off herself if she somehow manages to kill Thor? WHAT? *cue the tragic vi-woe-lins!*

But our hero manages to fling Destroyer!Sif away, continuing the battle while emoing in his own head about how horribly he’s about to lose:

O Five Dollar Wordage! Would that I had more time to soliloquize!

And in another few minutes, we get the reenactment of…well…:

*cue the HARDCORE vi-woe-lins* For he is having a VERY BAD DAY!

Of course it becomes readily apparent that Daddy!Odin isn’t listening:

NO! I LOVE THIS LAMPPOST!

And then he starts fighting again, only to once more find himself wondering just where his miracle is:

In theaters, this spring…The Passion of Emo!Thor!

Speaking of, let’s see what Daddy!Odin is up to, why don’t we? Apparently, he’s had a sorcerer replace the Crystal Of Eternal View, so Daddy!Odin is joining the battle, already in progress. Naturally, however, Odin is already aware of the fight, he’s just been…waiting?

Ah. I see. Because humility is best taught by letting him nearly die. Again. For what, the third time now? Gotcha.

So, Thor once again has his power back. Yayz! Of course, he doesn’t realize that he’s not just hallucinating the end of his life, he just thinks he’s got a renewed sense of vigor thus he begins to fight even harder than he did before… which poses a little problem for Destroyer!Sif:

Calgon? Take her the hell AWAY!

Note Mjolnir in her hands:

Oh dear. Even Destroyer!Sif cannot control Thor’s wriggling Mjolnir. You must rub it! GENTLY!

It flies to Thor, who, FINALLY realizes that his powers have been restored and thusly doth he begin to beat the crap out of Destroyer!Sif.

Violently! Step one: Grab a hammer…

Unfortunately…it would appear Emo!Thor has forgotten about one, rather tiny, but deadly, Destroyer detail:

And seriously, you thought THOR could Emo? Sif has him *beat* because she emoes WITHOUT A BODY!

Apparently, Destroyer is calling upon its ray and ‘lo, is doom unleashed:

Destroyer!FLASH!

Back on Asgard, Loki, Balder and Karnilla are threatened by …

A horny shadow. Ooh.

Apparently, the shadow belongs to none other than Ulik, and he’s come to tell Karnilla that his peeps (the trolls) aren’t feeling the love anymore, so they’re taking their ball and going home. ‘Nilla!Wafer responds as one might expect her to…by hurling a fireball at Ulik:

Hmm. It would appear that your tactic of “Burn It With Fire” didn’t quite work out as expected. Do we have time for a second try?

Smoky!Ulik tells her she’s gonna die, and Bound!Balder pipes up:

*flexflex* Yes. Free him. Let his pecs do the talking.

‘Nilla!Wafer sets him free, and Brave!Balder immediately locks swords with Disbelieving!Ulik. While back on Earth:

Yes. That’s right. DO YOU WANT SOME CANDY LITTLE DESTROYER?

*GASP!* NO! We have reached the end o’ this issue. Until next week!

~Go Team Thor!
Snarkstress


Share Post :

More Posts

Got something to say?