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Emo!Thor Goes Down Under

Issue #130, The Mighty Thor (July 1966)

The Mighty Thor “Thunder In The Netherworld!”

Let me preface this issue by saying: Look, I like Hercules and all, but I’m getting a little tired of following him around.  But at least we’re learning a very valuable lesson from his plight.

Don’t go drunkenly sticking your thumb print on a contract in Hollywood, especially if the one waving it in your face seems even the slightest bit shady.  You might very well find yourself consigned to the Netherworld as the One In Charge.

Honestly? We don’t all have a random Emo!Thor waiting in the wings to save our asses, now do we?

ONWARD!

When we last left our heroes, Thor was on his way from Limbo to go save Herc from the predicament he found himself in.  Distraught!Herc has been forbidden from raising his own fist to strike out, by decree of Daddy!Zeus and he needed a champion…and since Emo!Thor was just hanging around in Limbo with nary a thing to do, he hammered off to be the calvary this time.  He tracked down Evil!Pluto just as his minions were pulling the unfortunate Herc down into the depths:

 

Evil!Pluto manages to express how we're ALL feeling about this particular turn of events. Seriously, Thor? Now he's your bestie?

Skeptical!Pluto sets aside his misgivings and makes it all official with fire:

 

Evil!Pluto was known for his less-than-inspiring pep talks.

Steadfast!Thor heads down into the Netherworld, via the portal thoughtfully opened for him by Pluto, but not before he’s given one last thought to chew on as he goes:

 

Methinks Pluto is a bit premature with the "I told you so" speech, but hey, if it works...

Down goes our hero, and immediately finds himself face to face with a mechanical monstrosity touting itself as Cerberus, the guardian of the Netherworld:

 

And he's got some pretty strict rules about what it takes to get by him. *grabs the popcorn bowl*

Naturally, Thor makes it clear, rather quickly, that he won’t be on his knees for anyone (except *ahem* Tana Nile, but whatevs) and EPIC!Fighting ensues.  Hammers are thrown, lasers are fired, but ultimately, we all know what the outcome will be, don’t we?

 

WOO! GO TEAM THOR!

That threat having been vanquished, we flash back to NYC, where Sad!Jane is staring out the window, worried half to death about what may have happened to her snugglebunny:

 

Love. It is an emotion fit for fools and weaklings. Also? I approve Tana's choice in reading materials.

Lovestruck!Jane waxes poetic about how awesome her love is for Emo!Thor and Tana has had about enough of her ramblings and lashes out:

 

Oops. Did I say that out loud? *sigh* Release the MAJESTY!

Tana unleashes her aura of awesome upon the hapless Jane, who is no match for her powers, and decides it’s time for Jane to take a little vacation… permanently:

 

Jane suddenly finds herself wishing she'd checked Tana's references a bit more thoroughly before just letting her move in.

Back in the Netherworld, Hercules is STILL struggling against the minions of Pluto:

 

When in doubt, dog-pile. Also? This would be the PERFECT time for Thor to swing by and smack Herc with a large piece of construction equipment. Just sayin'.

We soon discover just why everyone’s holding him down…apparently it’s time to put on the crown, and Hercules does NOT want to wear it:

 

Zesty!Herc discovers the true power of the Wacky Hat Brigade and trembles before its might.

Thor arrives on the scene and announces that he’s there to champion Herc.  To his credit, Hercules is not only astounded by relieved by this news.  He flings off the minions, but discovers that it’s not going to be a simple case of running into battle with his new friend:

 

Surprise! Someone forgot about their shock collar.

Thus humbled, Zapped!Herc bemoans his inability to join in the fight.  Thor’s heart grieves to see Hercules enduring the whole half-power situation with which he is so recently familiar, and this helps to steel his resolve.  He flings himself into the fray of minions who charge him with all sorts of pointy weapons:

 

That's right, folks. No POW, KAPLOOEY, WHOOOOM, or KLAAAANG here. Just good ol' silent fighting. Go. Team. Thor.

Suddenly, all of his foes decide to head for the hills.  He senses that something is wrong and soon, we discover that yes… there is something VERY wrong as the baddies come back with a tank bearing cosmic cannon shells that, according to them, no immortal can withstand. Thankfully, our Emo!Thor is a tad bit smarter than your average immortal:

 

OH SNAP! WOO! How's that for quick thinking? Impromptu group hug anyone?

You know what happens next, don’t you?

 

Yup. Mjölnir goes for a fling. And the Asgardians erupt in cheers of joy in Daddy!Odin's TV hall.

Of course, the cannon explodes spectacularly but there’s a tiny little hitch. Turns out the Cosmic Cannon wasn’t the ONLY weapon in the Netherworld arsenal, and our hero soon finds himself trapped:

 

Damn those tricky trap doors!

As Thor prepares to find out just how turbulent the wind can get inside that thing, back in NYC, we’re treated to another scene between Tana and Jane:

 

That sound you hear? That's Snarkstress cheering. Yes Jane. Go, go, GO. *girlcrush on Tana* I'm seriously all about the celestial chess 😀

With Jane out of the way, Tana decides it’s time to let loose a little, let her hair down a bit:

 

Stupid humans. With their stupid little lives. Prepare to be TANA-FIED!

Back in the glass chamber, Emo!Thor is having a very bad day:

 

The Emo has overwhelmed him! He is woe-d.

The minions all think that because Thor hasn’t moved, he must surely be dead, and victory is theirs!

 

Except it totally isn't. SURPRISE! Thunder God!

And this time, Thor means business. He flings himself at the baddies, taking them all out with one fell smack of the hammer.  The Crusher comes running in, trying to stop him:

 

Initiate HUG attack sequence! We are clear for cuddling, I repeat, we are CLEAR for cuddling.

Emo!Thor will not be cuddled and flings Crusher off his back, violently. Because the minions are apparently incapable of admitting defeat, they start trying to take out Thor with arrows. Which, as you can imagine, goes over spectacularly with our already enraged Thunder God:

 

Seriously? You've tried a cosmic cannon, a turbulent wind jar, the Crusher... and you think arrows are going to stop him?

Thor takes out the platform that the archers are firing from, effectively rendering them useless. The minions prepare to fire up one last tactic: flame throwers.  Suddenly, they are interrupted:

 

Oh alright, FINE! You win!

Pluto forfeits lest Thor demolish every single thing left in the Netherworld and releases Herc from his contract, realizing that he can’t win.  He tears up the contract as Zesty!Herc thanks Thor:

 

Don't mention it, bro. It was nothing.

With his power restored, Herc stretches out and nearly takes out another building, which Thor cautions against doing:

 

Once again, we're treated to the 10 second memory that is Zesty!Herc's brain.

Herc asks about Pluto, and Thor reminds him that the fight’s over, Pluto’s learned his lesson, and only a weakling seeks to prove his strength at every turn.  Apparently, that’s all Herc needed to hear because he immediately forgets his anger and makes it official:

 

Aww. *wipes away a tear* Herc + Thor = BFFs Forever!

Stay tuned, the next issue, we find out what the HELL is going on with Creepy!Tana, and where did Harlot!Jane decide to go?

Until then (from Tales of Asgard):

 

The WHB branches out into a clothing line that is... unsuccessful.

 

~Go Team Thor!
Snarkstress *H*


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