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Emo!Thor Gets His Mouth Slapped Clean Off

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Issue #191, The Mighty Thor (August 1971)

The Mighty Thor “A Time Of Evil!”

Thunderous!Thursday, Emo!Thor Enthusiasts! Also? Happy 10/11/12!

Sorry this is a little late. We had a plumber in the house most of the day because we’ve been playing Russian Roulette with the hot water heater for almost 2 months now. We now have consistent hot water. This is made of awesome and win. And there was much celebration to be had!

ONWARD!

When we last checked up on our favorite Thunder!Dood, he was busy evading, being caught by, and then being bargained out of a deal with Hela that put him through the wrinkly wringer. Sexay!Sif shed some well placed tears, appealed to Hela’s smooshy girl!side and saved Thor from being consigned to an afterlife of wrinkly badness. No one knows if it was in Odin’s plan for all this to go down. Because Odin!Thoughts. Back in Asgard, while they were enduring all of Hela’s shenanigans, someone else was up to their OWN shenanigannery:

Of course, Loki took advantage of the absence of both big shots of Asgard and snagged himself the Odin!Ring. (Though, to be honest, the “nap” order wasn’t in the last issue.) And since he was the one who set up the rules anyway, he’d be setting one hell of a bad example if he didn’t comply with them, in theory at least. Naturally, this bothers Thor:

Rightfully pissed at being called old, Daddy!Odin takes a moment on his way to his nap to remind Thor who used to be in charge:

Sif and Balder immediately try to figure out WTF just went down, only to discover that something terrible has happened:

Naturally, Mute!Thor rounds on Daddy, because NO LIPS:

Sif speaks for her mute!mate, explaining to Odin that Thor wasn’t going to hit him, he was going to beg (mutely) for forgiveness:

A purply swirl of magic later, and our hero can once again kiss his girl:

Meanwhile, the viewers of this family!drama conspire to continue the mayhem:

And the fun’s not over yet:

Pissy!Thor makes it clear to Loki that he’s about to unleash some righteous anger all over him:

Latching on, Thor quickly realizes that maybe he should’ve thought his reaction through a little:

And then everything goes wrong for Thor:

Off to the side, Sif and Balder watch the whole thing, with Sif becoming more and more upset as the beating continues:

Balder spills the whole, sordid, “I promised myself to ‘Nilla” sob story, ending with, “Sorry, but I can’t.” Something FINALLY clicks inside Sif:

Thor is still getting his ass handed to him:

Battle!Sif runs up with her borrowed sword, takes a swing at Loki and misses:

Loki gives Sif the opportunity to pull a Balder and swear her fealty to HIM, but she declines. Loki prepares to crush her and Thor comes to her rescue, pelting Loki with lightning bolts until he finally lets her go:

Shrinking back down to his normal size, Thor is all prepped to resume the fight, despite Loki’s warning that he won’t play fair because… Loki. Outside, the citizenry of Asgard are getting a glimpse that there’s some sort of commotion going on within the palace, but ain’t nobody going to help because they know what’s good for them:

Meanwhile, back inside, the battle rages on:

And then Loki has a thought:

Realizing that he’s got the power to conjure a bodyguard, he does so:

Thor Vs. Blue!Gloves commences in all its silly glory, with both trading punches until one of the gloves gets a hold of Thor’s hammer and proceeds to beat him with it:

Balder starts freaking out:

Sif chimes in, begging for Loki to stop beating Thor to a bloody pulp, but Loki’s ready for her request:

Leaving them behind for a moment, we shoot across the universe to check up on those castaway ruffians, the Warriors!Three:

Just as they’re really getting into how awesome it is to be them, all of their foes disappear:

Loki zaps them back to Asgard, right into the royal chamber where our hero is fighting the Awesome!Gauntlets (and losing), because Loki hopes that the addition of these three friends will make watching their destruction much more fascinating:

They immediately launch into action against said Gloves O’ Doom, but despite their considerable skill, the enchantment on the gloves makes them nigh impossible to stop. And there’s still the little problem of Loki’s ring controlling the glove wielding Mjölnir, which proves to be not only troublesome for our team, but also for those watching on the sidelines:

Faboo!Fandral isn’t ready to give up yet, however:

Fortunately for our crew, ‘Nilla is getting bored:

He crumbles the invisi!hand, leaving Thor and his friends gasping for air on the floor:

He makes a desperate leap for his hammer, only to be flung back against the wall again just as his fingers are about to make contact:

And Sif loses her mind:

Loki turns to his good friend ‘Nilla:

Looks like Loki needs a little mystic help with the next phase of his newest plan:

A magical montage follows, with Loki prompting ‘Nilla to craft a being of immense strength and power… enough to kill Thor:

But there’s still a little problem:

Thusly named, Loki injects a little life into the lifeless form of Durok, making sure to leave out heart, soul and mercy while he’s at it:

Horrified!Thor looks on, calling Durok a monster, and Loki, to his credit, agrees. He let’s Thor get a whack in with his hammer, just to reinforce that Durok is a badass:

But before Thor can get another go at him, Loki makes Durok disappear. This, rightly, pisses off our already enraged hero:

Clearly, there’s only ONE place that Loki could’ve possibly sent his monster:

Naturally, Thor takes off because he’s Earth’s defender, and everyone watches him go… but none with as much happiness as Loki:

Until Monday!

!!snarkstressig


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