Issue #54, Detective Comics (August 1941)
Batman & Robin versus “Hook Morgan And His Harbor Pirates!”
Do you know what *I* did this weekend? Well first, Dragon and I played social butterfly and trekked all the way up to the Comcast Arena to attend a little, er, get together.
I should’ve *known* that things weren’t going to be the best when it took us 30 minutes (and an ATM stop) to find parking. Yeah. In a not so wonderful part of town. Fa-boo-luss.
Let me say this much, there was some SCINTILLATING conversation to be had (when we could be heard over the DJ booth directly behind us), and I was all ready to get my damned DRINK on. Um. Unfortunately, things didn’t quite go as planned, because, okay…so perhaps I’m a bit elitist, but if I order a martini…please don’t serve it to me in a WINE glass. Also? If you use the bottom shelf vodka, I will NOT finish it. Because ew. (Sorry, I take my martini’s and vodkatini’s rather seriously and this one was *terrible*!)
Also? We ordered nachos. And…got cold, soggy, guac (*hurk*) covered … things… on a plate.
Like I said…the conversation was fun. It was faboo to see S again and to meet several of the elusive “co-workers of Dragon” that I haven’t met yet. But the next time? If they want to get together and say anything about it being at THAT place? I’ll pass.
But on the way home, griping about what had gone down, I was struck by inspiration: DARKNESS II.
I don’t think I mentioned this last week, but let me say this much about my feelings for Jackie Estacado. Wait, yes I did. Let me sum up.
So yeah, totally picked up The Darkness: II. Brought it home. Proceeded to play THE ENTIRE GAME in one sitting. WAS VERY PLEASED BY THIS! I love this game, seriously, and my ONLY beef is that I wish it were longer. No really, I played it start to finish in about 9 hours. NEED MOAR ESTACADO PLEASE!
But you don’t care about my Darkness obsession, now do you? You’re here for the Broody!Bat…which I shall now give unto you!
NANANANANANA – ONWARD!
When last we saw our stalwart pair, Brucie was busy solving all of life’s little problems for one super shamed starlet (who looked AMAZINGLY identical to his former boo, Skele!Julie aka Portia!Storme), providing her with publicity, digs, and jewels that ultimately resulted in her getting her big break! There were some baddies along the way, but nothing too outwardly disturbing or hard to dispatch. So, in this ‘ish, since there was such a blissfully non-weird set of baddies to deal with, obviously, it’s time to kick things up another notch.
Our new baddies decide that the best way to steal cargo, is to saw it free:
The Pirates!Three take off with their booty, hauling it on board their tiny ship so they can zip away, but not before shooting one of the dock workers who notice that, hey, the cargo is sorta missing now. The thugaboos head for the open seas:
Obviously, our Pirates!Three aren’t going down without a fight, so when the Police!Boat smacks them with the Justice!Beam, they retaliate with more gunfire, until they manage to take out the bulb on that giant light. By the time the police get it fixed:
The next day, Young!Dick is reading the paper to Unattentive!Bruce:
Brucie and Linda head to a nearby store, where she’s apparently expecting to pick up some new fabric that she had imported.
Of course the cloth was stolen:
VAMPIRE!Page (yes, I know) walks off with her new boo, bitching about what she’d do if SHE were a man:
Bruce offers Batsy’s help:
Later, Brucie leaves, but not before getting an earful:
Batsy dons his ‘tume and hits the road:
He swings by the store where he saw the fabric swatch earlier in the afternoon and strong-arms the owner into revealing who sold it to him. No sooner does our hero leave, the squirrelly shop owner rings up his ratted-out pal, Mr!Conroy, to let him know that Batsy’s on his way for a visit. Conroy assures him he’ll take care of the problem:
Conroy!McChuckles down there shoos off Potbelly!McHookerstein, just in time for Batsy to show up and interrogate him about the fabric he sold:
Batsy fights like crazy to get away, and he almost succeeds until Potbelly!McHookerstein beans him on the back of the noggin with his hook o’ piratical doom. They truss up our hero like a big blue/grey turkey and figure the best place for him:
Again and again, our hero throws himself against the door before he finally has to admit defeat and think of some other way to get out.
Fortunately for him, he has an idea:
Batsy head-butts the bulb against a wall until it shatters, and then plops down beside the shards to use them to cut his bonds:
Finally freed, Batsy drops a little acid on the lock and makes it out of the freezer relatively thawed n’ ready for battle. A quick glance around reveals that Hook is gone, leaving JUST Conroy!McChuckles all alone doing his books for the night:
Broody!Batsy pops open his boot heel:
Meanwhile, out on the water, a bunch of grapes in a boat get ready to dupe a passing ship (the Dolphin, ‘natch!) into picking them up under false pretenses:
As soon as they’re allowed to board the ship, out comes the hook and the bags:
Thusly warned, no one else makes a move for fear of being hook!slapped too. They all go back to giving up the goods to their pirate!overlords, while above them, the bat!plane glides into place, allowing Batsy and Robin to slip on board as well:
Batman takes out the ONE guy up on his deck before noticing that Robin kinda has his hands full:
Batsy joins the Boy!Blunder down deck, eschewing normal conventions:
Looking around for something to take out the myriad baddies with, our hero settles on the obvious:
The blast from the hose knocks most of the pirate baddies unconscious, but there’s no Potbelly!McHookerstein to be found. They race to the Bat!Plane, but with the fog rolling in, they’re in danger of not being able to see anything, time for a quick change:
But to their dismay, the boat they’re chasing has utterly disappeared in the fog! Wandering closer to a nearby wall, our dastardly detective figures out that there’s a hidden entrance IN the wall, by virtue of oddly colored bricks. Thusly revealed, they head inside and promptly track down their foe:
Of course, now that our hero is ready for it:
The pair trade blows, with Morgan!McHookerstein deciding our hero has entirely too many clothes on:
Robin seriously wants to help, but realizes that Batsy might beat him unconscious if he intervenes:
Eventually, though, our hero gets the upper hand, punching Hook into unconsciousness: