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Batsy’s Boy Troubles!

dc41introIssue #41, Detective Comics (July 1940)

Moody!Monday, Batfans!

This week, we return from the Bat-stravaganza, back to good ol’ Detective Comics. I’m glad we took that little Batman #1 foray, to be honest, because now? At least you’ll have a tiny frame of reference for when the colorful cast o’ characters show up in later issues of DC.

Don’t worry, we’ll most likely do it again.

Speaking of DC comics and Batman #1, the reboot is in full swing (this is week 3) and so far, I’ve been keeping up with all the new releases. I have my favorites (Dark Knights, O.M.A.C., Batgirl, Batwoman, Animal Man, Swamp Thing, JLI, Action Comics, Detective Comics, Batman & Robin, and Justice League), my “Eh” pile (Batwing, Stormwatch, Suicide Squad, Red Lanterns, Deathstroke, Superboy, Mr. Terrific, Grifter), and my “Do not pass go, do not collect $200” pile (Legion Lost, Resurrection Man, Green Lantern, Frankenstein: Agent of S.H.A.D.E., Static Shock, Men of War, Hawk & Dove, and Green Arrow).

This next week seems to be perking up a bit (I’m sure the addition of Wonder Woman to the mix has a little something to do with that) and I’m *seriously* considering adding a Wonder Woman snark to the ol’ rotation. Because I adore her. And because she’s got such a crazy history.

And, y’know, girl power and all.

But I make no promises. At least, not for that. But the thought has crossed my mind.

You’re welcome to persuade me one way or the other. Because I do feel like poor Diana could use a good snarking.

And speaking of snark…

NANANANANANANA-NAAAAA! ONWARD!

When last we saw our intrepid duo (pre-Bat-stravaganza, I mean), they were taking down Clay!Face on the set of Skele!Julie’s big Hollywood break. (If you can’t remember back that far, I don’t blame you, and you can click here for a refresher.) And, you know, Young!Dick has been just itching to get out there and do something big on his own. But first:

Bad Stuff Happens
YAY! In case you were unaware, events will happen. People will be involved.

What kind of people, you might ask?

Crazy Dood
Well, this guy, for one. Isn’t he jolly?

 Laughing!Boy proceeds to break out of the Asylum, heading off for parts unknown. Meanwhile, at the aptly named “Blake School For Boys”, someone has apparently strangled a groundskeeper. To death. That same night. AND:

Boy! Kidnapped!
Good MORNING Gotham!

Young!Dick sees the article and is concerned enough to bring it to Brucie’s attention. He, naturally, already knows about it:

yeahiknow
I’ve already got the whole thing figured out. Because I’m Batman. But I do so enjoy watching the GCPD flail about aimlessly. Smug!Bruce is smug.

Of course, Young!Dick wants to know just how they can help:

moneyfashion
Money, Dick. That’s how. I am *seriously* loaded.

 The next day, Bruce manages to get Young!Dick accepted into the school:

nojustno
No. Just. No. I’m not touching the “how apt he is” comment. ~Snarkstress

 Of course, as happens whenever Bruce is ANYWHERE near a place where there are lots of people, DRAAAAAMA! decides to pay a timely visit. This time, it’s in the form of a disgruntled soon-to-be-ex teacher:

discharged
Yup. Released like the stored energy in a capacitor by the flow of current between its terminals. Only not as pretty. Or as effective.

 When Bruce expresses his concern about Discharged!Greer’s bitch-panties-outburst, the Principal!Blake (CROSSOVER ALERT!) calls it “poppycock” and takes the pair to go meet some of the staff. First up? The art instructor:

gravemistake
Creepy!Graves is creepy. And weird. And oddly inappropriate.

 Shortly thereafter, we’re introduced to the history teacher, who doesn’t have time for this “introduction nonsense”:

coldshoulder
WHICH IS WHY HE’S TOTALLY THE BAD GUY! HE COULDN’T POSSIBLY BE A RED HERRING AT ALL!

 Apparently, those are the only two noteworthy teachers on staff, because they head back to the office (which is crawling with police, by the way) and Bruce tells Young!Dick that a lack of privacy will make it difficult for Batman to do his slinking thing, so, Robin’s going to be in charge of this case:

butkeepintouch
Right! Sure! WHATEVER OLD MAN, I TOTALLY GOT THIS!

 Young!Dick, with Brucie in the rearview mirror, speeds on ahead, gathering intel from a classmate about the missing boy’s missing diary, so naturally:

readingdiary
Young boys. Honing their “Diary Detection” skills, to the chagrin and annoyance of all older sisters everywhere. *ahem*

 Almost as though it were meant to be, the diary is suddenly snatched from Nosy!Robin’s grasp by none other than the Masked!Man mentioned within the pages:

diarysnatch
How *dare* you read what’s within my most PRIVATE OF PAGES!

A game of tag ensues, and Cocky!Robin loses when Masked!Man smashes a chair over his head:

yathink
Wow. Y’think? See, Young!Dick? You’re already learning! YAY school!

Back in his room (painted a fanTABULOUS, fashionable pink, by the way), Robin gets in touch with our hero:

androidrobin
We’ve replaced Batman’s regular sidekick with an android imposter. Let’s see if he notices.

 News is shared via wireless to Batman, skulking about in the darkness outside the school:

greatidea
Robin? Are you listening to me? TAKE THOSE DAMNED HEADPHONES OUT OF YOUR EARS!

 Meanwhile, in a large gloomy room somewhere else, the Masked!Man decides that the only way to get rid of the diary is to do something drastic:

killwithfire
Kill it. With fire.

Fast forward to the next night. Robin is on his way up the side of the building to break into Blake’s room for some intel, when he suddenly hears a scream. Being the good guy that he is, he aborts his little B&E escapade to find our escaped Laughing!Boy killing a hapless janitor:

withaknife
With a knife. Because that’s how crazy he rolls.

Spotting Stealth!Dick, Laughing!Boy changes tactics, goes after our young hero, and they scuffle:

thusly
Thusly.

He incapacitates ol’ crazy, and others run in to clean up his mess. The next day, the whole campus is abuzz about the L!B’s capture, and the case, as they say, is closed…or is it?

hodgesopinion
But we don’t really care about his opinion, do we? BEAT HIM INTO SILENCE!

 That night, Robin resumes his B&E, but stumbles across something…unusual:

blakemurdered
EW! Seriously, is this floor sticky? OMG! I hope it’s blood. Just sayin’.

GCPD arrive in the morning, presumably because Robin waited until then to say anything to anyone about it, and they immediately start in on Discharged!Greer with the “bad-cop, worse-cop, total bastard routine”:

guiltyinnocent
Because for the GCPD, you are TOTALLY guilty until proven innocent.

 And when he denies it the first time, they pull out the big guns:

innocentdamnit
JUST ADMIT IT ALREADY AND LET US GO ON OUR DONUT RUN! SO HELP ME IF THEY RUN OUT OF BOSTON CREMES…

 So, dear readers, let’s take a moment, and regroup. POP!QUIZ TIME:

whosguilty
Which one will you choose? CHOOSE WISELY! You have 30 seconds, aaaand…go.

 That done, let’s return to the story, where Robin has once again contacted Batsy, who tells HIM to go patrol the inside of the house while his Broodiness wanders around outside again. So…he does. They both do. And Robin stumbles on Masked!Man leaving Blake’s room and heading for a classroom:

slidingdoor
Oh. So he has a secret lair. Also? Obvious!Robin is … obvious.

 Following down through the tunnel, Robin catches sight of Masked!Man disappearing into a nearby dwelling outside the school, and inside:

spillingplot
Yeah! Good thing you totally weren’t followed so we can TOTALLY talk about ALL the BAD stuff we’re doing, right boss? RIGHT?

 Masked!Man sees no reason to keep Kidnapped!Ted around anymore and moves to take care of the problem, but they’re interrupted:

humanavalanche
A what, now? A human avalanche? REALLY? He’s barely a pebble!

 Just when it appears that Overeager!Robin has bitten off more than he can chew, Broody!Bat makes an appearance to even the odds a little:

rememberkids
Remember, kids. Bullying is bad.

 They launch into attack mode and NO ONE is safe:

explodinggrunts
You have to be on the lookout for those exploding grunts. They’ll get you every time. Nasty stuff.

 Masked!Man takes that opportunity to slip out the door, but Robin pulls out his trusty sling and beans him in the retreating noggin’. Once down, Batsy pulls off the mask to reveal:

evilart
Sweet, sweet, EVIL art. Oh how it corrupts.

Robin doesn’t understand, so Batsy ‘splains it. Graves and Blake were partners, and one night Ted saw Graves leaving. Blake panicked, Graves grabbed Ted, then killed Blake, and stole his money. Easy peasy.

jobsdone
Enough praise, back to the punishment phase of your training. *whip crack*

Until Thursday!

~Go Team Batsy!
Snarkstress


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