Here’s hoping you survived the holiday weekend in one piece! I can honestly say that I don’t think we left our batcave all weekend, preferring instead to be slothful, lazy, gamers and writers. After hearing about all the BF madness going on, I’m glad we decided NOT to go out, because heaven knows: ain’t no gaming system/television/waffle iron worth getting a face full of pepper spray and a full on trample.
Is it any wonder why people go schizo around the holidays? Just sayin’. I blame the pre-Thanksgiving, sometimes pre-Halloween, Christmas decorations. Seriously…even the holidays are getting pissy about being upstaged by that red and green attention harlot. (Even if I, honestly, generally try to avoid grinching out in December.)
Of course, it’s not like the weather was particularly conducive to going outside anyway, what with all the rain we’ve gotten. I can’t bitch too much about it, really, I mean… hel-lo. Seattle. But still. The broadcasts are flooded (ha! see what I did there?) with local news about landslides and leaf-clogged urban flooding and mini-waterfalls, and OH MY GODS Dramatize! Because Seattleites are, well, weather sluts to the nth degree. And OH how I adore them for it. *Seattle love*
I heard from, well, everyone in the family, this weekend, it seems: My parents saw fit to tease me with photographic evidence of dad’s Christmas tamales. Which I haven’t HAD in 3 years, by the way. (Mom, dad…looking at you, here.) My brother was living it up la vida 4Loco style in Vegas with his wifelet. My mother in law was chillaxing in O-hey-o. And poor Omi was riding the holiday schnitzel train.
I mentioned our pheasant. And there was cheesecake. And Skyrim (LOTS of Skyrim). And massive amounts of cat-piles, rat kisses, and hammie ball-time. And me… wishing for a Kindle Fire like whoa.
Oh hey…isn’t there a point to all of this intro?
When last we saw our caped crusader, he was busily throwing Professor!Strange into a ravine and cleaning up the fear mess left behind in Gotham, courtesy of some pharmaceuticals. Merry Christmas, Gotham. This issue, we catch him beating the tar out of some baddies attempting to hijack a Knox!Fur truck before being distracted:
He dispatches another crime-in-progress (that we never get to actually see) before winging off for parts unknown:
He presses a button, descends some stairs, pads through a tunnel, ascends ANOTHER set of stairs:
Young!Dick, after getting the low down on his owner’s partner’s evening festivities, delivers a message that Brucie is to meet with his banker in the morning to discuss the annual holdings report.
He prances his way over to meet his banker, the aptly named Mr!Midas, who prepares to get down to the nitty gritty of imparting how fabulously wealthy Bruce still is when they’re interrupted by Roger!Midas, wondering if Daddy!Midas is ready to go to the football game. Unfortunately for Roger, Dad’s too busy dealing with Bruce to make time for his son…a fact that Roger is none too happy about:
When Dejected!Roger takes off, Elder!Midas gives Brucie the ol’ “Business before pleasure” excuse, while Bruce mentally chastises Midas’ decision and decides to follow-up later that night:
He peeps in a window to see Mother!Midas having a bit of an argument with her daughter, Diane. It seems Diane has a bit of a boy-crush on a dood named Johnny, but Mother!Midas is just appalled by the idea of her offspring dating beneath her station:
Over the next few days, apparently Brucie decides to take to the night clubs in an effort to keep an eye on Roger!Midas:
Seems Roger has a bit of a gambling problem and our hero is worried he might get in with the wrong crowd. Of course, that all changes the minute Brucie sees Roger pick up a clarinet:
Meanwhile, Diane!Midas makes her social debut, to the tune of a $50,000 lavish coming out party, followed quickly by a parent-arranged marriage to a defunct European count. All of this has our hero sorely vexed:
He leaves it alone for a few months, until one night, he spots Drunk!Roger preparing to hang with his Evil!Buds and decides to step in. He pops up on a nearby ledge just as Roger and his pals are driving along, spooking them enough to miss the Newsboy who chose that moment to step out into the street:
The next day:
But, hey, it’s not like Rogers GOOD FRIENDS would do anything silly like, say, attempt to extort money from the poor schmuck, would they?
It’s at this point that our hero is finally unable to keep quiet and butts in as only Batman can, telling Roger to just man-up and take his punishment. Naturally, this sits poorly with dear old Daddy!Midas:
Downstairs, Robin keeps tabs on Diane and discovers a tearful confession taking place:
Shady!Alexis freaks out about this new bombshell:
Speeding away in his car, Robin riding the bumper, Angry!Alexis hires a couple of hoodlums (the same ones that took care of his first wife, apparently), to stage a break in. Robin races back to Batman with the news:
The next night, the pair sneak into the window while Count!Alexis waits at the door:
The pair hide as the hoodlums approach and sneak in, thinking the coast is clear:
Taking down one thug is easy enough for our hero, but the other one decides he’s had enough excitement for one night and takes off. Unfortunately, Robin still has his sling, and a well placed pebble to the back of the head knocks him out just as Mother!Midas and Daddy!Midas arrive on the scene. Just as they’re getting riled up about this intrusion, Batsy forces a confession from one of the groggy!hoodlums. But rather than being grateful:
As if to prove Midas wrong, the pair decide to intervene again:
The extortionists escort Daddy!Midas inside and money prepares to exchange hands, only … things go a little awry:
Two of the blackmailers are taken out, but the rest beat a hasty retreat…except for one. He has different plans:
Robin takes off after the one headed for the rooftop and quickly takes him out of commission, while Batsy descends on the gun toting dolt:
Hell bent on making sure dood doesn’t hurt anyone else, our hero employs his questionable tactics to put a stop to his mini-reign of terror:
Racing back to Roger’s side, Batman scoops him up and carts him off to the doctor’s office. Daddy!Midas offers money to the doctor, ANYTHING, to save his son, only to be told that his money won’t help here:
Roger pulls through and a month later, Roger makes it to court for his rightful punishment. In a bizarre twist, the mother drops the charges because Roger apparently hired specialists to operate on her son so that he could walk again AND put aside a trust fund so newsboy could go to college AND gave newsboy’s dad a job. All of that said, he still offers to take his court-mandated punishment, but the Judge lets him go:
Later that day, Brucie decides to pay the Midas family a visit and discovers that things have…changed:
And still later, when Young!Dick goes in for his debriefing: