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Batsy Battles The Big Bad! Bat-stravaganza – Part 2 (of 4)

Issue #1, Batman (Spring 1940)

Torturous!Tuesday, Batfans!

Part two of the four part Bat-stravaganza today!

Burning the candle at both ends really does suck, particularly when working on a pretty massive project that eats up all our spare time. But don’t worry, though I might run late, you are not forgotten.

Or you could blame my utter despondency after viewing Conan on Friday. *sobs* It’s not Momoa’s fault. He was awesome with what he had to work with.

Also? Seattle FINALLY achieved summer temperatures over the weekend. 87 balmy degrees that had the denizens of the city reacting as though the sun were going nuclear and about to plummet directly into downtown, incinerating everything in its path.

Oh, Seattle-ites. Keep on being classy and dramatique!

 

NANANANANANANA-NAAAAA! ONWARD!

In part two of our Bat-stravaganza, we open with a jail break:

Proving yet again that the GCPD has some *serious* holes in their security. Just sayin’.

Later that night, our hero is relaxing in the pink room, sans-Dick, enjoying a thoughtful smoke, when the news cuts into his reverie:

Y’don’t say! Obvious!Bruce is obvious! PAINFULLY OBVIOUS!

Apparently nothing happens for a month, and then one day:

The Hulk’s vacation is cut short by panicked citizens, yet again.

Annoyed!Monster begins to rampage, throwing around cars, menacing people. The GCPD on the scene pump him full of lead, but rather than bring him down, it only pisses him off more:

Goddamnit! What’s a guy gotta do to get a little freakin’ PEACE around here, huh?

He rips up a lamp post to emphasize his point:

I mean really now. Today's episode is brought to you by the letter "O". For Obvious.

Having mowed down the boys in blue, Annoyed!Monster takes off for his ride, a giant truck, speeding off into the sunset. The police, undeterred by the attack on pretty much their ENTIRE force, go after him, until Annoyed!Monster hurls an explosive that blows up the car. To add insult to injury, the news is on the scene to report the latest GCPD gaffe:

Yup. Because NO ONE ELSE would EVER think to terrorize people with bomb-tossing-monsters. That is some fanTASTIC detective work, Brucie!

The next day, we wash, rinse and repeat: Monster appears, tears up public property, police bombed when they follow. This time, though, Batman is flying above the scene and follows the getaway truck to the hideout:

Because he’s the Goddamned!Batman, that’s why.

Of course, it really IS a trap:

Yes, well. I was in the neighborhood and needing some… sugar. You didn’t happen to have any I could borrow? No? I’m not surprised.

Professor!Strange steps out of the shadows, remarking on how neatly he was caught, and Clipped!Batsy immediately launches into an explanation:

*facepalm* Really, Strange? *slaps him with rule #7: When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."*

Professor!Strange lays out every…single…detail of his plan, ending with informing our hero that he, too, will join the ranks of Monsters he’s created:

Did you get that, Batsy? Now you know *everything*. Good thing you couldn’t POSSIBLY remember it all when I make you into a Monster. And in case you do, I have a transcript in that filing cabinet along the back wall.

With the two still holding him tight, Batman receives a big ol’ dose of Monster!Juice, and like any good doctor, Strange lets him know what to expect:

Talk to your doctor if you experience any unusual side effects, such as blurred vision, increased strength, or an overwhelming desire to blow up police cars after destroying downtown buildings, as these might be indicative of serious allergic reaction.

They knock him out, and he wakes up nearly 18 hours later to hear Strange sending off some of his henchies with Monsters in tow for a little bank heisting fun and excitement.

I…don’t even know what to say here. When did Batsy’s boots gain heels? I dare you not to stare at his feet the next time they're in panel.

Professor!Strange is surprised to see Batman, and our hero takes advantage:

Cliff Diving. Broody!Bat-punch style.

Immediately following Strange’s Aquatic Adventure, Batman finds himself facing down the Monsters that had been left behind:

And they’re pissed because they weren’t picked for the dodgeball team.

Grabbing the only weapon in sight – the pole used to open the skylight – our hero proceeds to dish out a little beat-down.

*facepalm* No words. Laughing too hard. Ladies n' gentlemen...your hero.

Somehow, Batsy manages to get the Monsters to turn on each other:

No, you suck! NO! YOU SUCK! *Monster Slap Fight*

Batman realizes he’s got five minutes left before his change occurs, so he hustles over to the chem table to whip up a little somethin’ somethin’ to stop it from happening:

Three days later, Batman checked himself into Betty Ford at the insistence of friends and family who were concerned that his habit had gotten a little out of control.

Somehow, within five minutes, the Fighting!Monsters have managed to kill each other so our hero heads out to stop the bank heists:

Thank you, Obvious!Batman! We are thusly notified that the Monsters are all dead. Because they were killed. By each other.

He hits up Post Road first:

*BLINKS* And with a few bullets he becomes Death, Destroyer of Baddies. One…and Two.

Not content to just have the truck run into a tree (as it does), Murderous!Batman continues to rain death down from above:

*stares* Three.

Batman cuts the dangling corpse loose from his plane and heads into town:

Yes. Because it would be TOTALLY bad form to fly into downtown as the savior of Gotham with a dead body swinging from your plane.

The Monster spots our hero, and pulls a King Kong:

…where he bellows out “I’m the king of the woooooorld!”

Since the Monster did all the work FOR Batman by making himself such an easy target, it’s really not all that difficult to take him down with a few well placed gas pellets:

Aaaaand….Four. Batman Bodycount for this episode: four direct, three indirect. Seven total. I’ve stopped keeping track of his overall tally because…it’s just depressing at this point.

Watching him fall, our hero muses aloud:

Perhaps. Although, I doubt it, given that I punched him out a window into the sea. But hey, stranger things have happened, right? *ba-dum-bum!*

Stay tuned for Part Three!

~Go Team Batsy!
Snarkstress


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