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Batsy and Boobs!

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Issue #80, Detective Comics (October 1943)

Batman & Robin: “The End of Two-Face!”

Moody!Monday, Batfans!

It’s National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As I do every year, I encourage you to take this time to feel up the boobs in your life and do your part to keep this cancer at bay. And I’m looking at both men AND women for this. Breast cancer isn’t just an exclusively female problem. Men, you have nipples. (It’s well documented, in fact!) So don’t forget to feel up your own man-titties and get thee to a doctor if you feel anything out of sorts (aside from a delightful tingle, perhaps).

Now, before you go asking, let me answer your question: Yes, I’ve skipped a few issues. #76 through #79, to be exact. Why? Well, I couldn’t find enough snark in them. In fact, #77 is all about War Bonds, which, while extremely relevant back in 1943, are not so much now (despite the potentially hysterical implications of Batsy teaming up with George Washington to battle the Nazi’s that really….weren’t as funny as one would think).  And as I was thumbing through them, I realized that we need another colorful baddie to pay attention to… someone we’ve seen before and had much fun snarking. Thus… issue #80.

NANANANANANANANA – ONWARD!

When last we left our heroes, they were driving out the menace known as the Robber Baron and his thugs with the help of their newest Butler, the amazing Alfred, ensuring that Gotham was safe, yet again. In this issue, we catch up with an old foe who seems to think the laws apply to everyone but him:

And while this bodes ill for most of Gotham, it’s particularly worrisome for two people in particular:

Brucie is on a mission to help Kent, no matter that Kent doesn’t seem particularly inclined to want his assistance. Meanwhile, speaking of our baddie du jour:

He flips the coin and it lands non-scarred face up:

They head out and commit their dastardly crime, giving the proceeds to a charity home before the coin flips again and sends them on a completely different type of raid:

Meanwhile, back at Hus af Batsy:

Thusly cloaked, it’s time for a little surreptitious daggering, trolling the criminal haunts of the city, coming up empty until he overhears a bartender grumping about a regular patron always paying him in $2 bills:

Disguised!Brucie follows the henchie and takes note of what he does:

Later that night, we head inside to check out the performance with Brucie:

And, naturally, he’s proven correct as Two!Face’s thugs hustle on stage and take over the orchestra. Batsy and bird fling themselves to the stage and intervene:

Before they can catch Kent, however, he tosses a smoke screen capsule at the stage and gets away. When the smoke finally clears, our heroes head back stage and discover that T!F’s crew tied up the watchman to gain access to the show:

Not one to let it go, Robin hounds his hero, who answers with having found a clue and the pair race off to the Bat!Mobile, unaware that they’re being watched:

Outside, Batsy finally shares what he found with his young protégé. Apparently the rope used to bind the watchman is Oakum Rope, an old hemp based rope that was commonly used on the wooden schooners of yore:

Inside the schooner, T!F is busy outlining the next caper for his cohorts when they’re rudely interrupted:

They beat the snot out of all and sundry, with Robin taking it outside when the henchies flee. Inside, Batsy confronts Kent, and things get personal:

Just then, as the bullet flies toward Batman, that shadowy figure who had been lurking at the concert suddenly intercepts:

As the caped figure falls, the hood reveals a startling sight:

Thankfully for Dying!Gilda, she’s only *mostly* dead. The GCPD shows up to take T!F into custody and everyone heads to the hospital to await the outcome:

Operation over, Kent demands to know of Gilda’s condition and the news isn’t good:

Sensing that perhaps Kent isn’t quite getting the direness of the situation, our hero, once again, steps in to explain:

Bedside, Kent finally reconnects with his girl:

They have a few more moments of tenderness before Kent reemerges and willingly gives himself up into police custody, yet again, to account for his crimes. Unfortunately, once they reach the curb outside, things take a decidedly different turn:

Back at the hospital, the police hop into their cars and Batsy joins them, suddenly conflicted about his friend’s sincerity over leaving his life of crime behind:

Meanwhile, T!F finally gets a chance to talk to his crew, who are eager to hear all the details of the job he’d been outlining before Batsy showed up and ruined their day:

This is troublesome news because apparently Kent’s crew was all keyed up and ready to go:

Relenting, Kent mentions a shipment of Double-O chewing gum that he’d planned for them to heist coming in on the Midnight Express. They tie him up and take off, planning to make off with the goods and resell it on the black market:

But, as we soon find out, he’s got something more interesting in mind:

They race upstairs and find Kent, quickly releasing him and bringing him along as he tells his tale. Meanwhile, at the train station, Shiv!Henchie and his goons await the gum shipment. But then:

Pun!ching ensues, and everything seems to be going our heroes’ way, when suddenly:

Queue PANIC:

And before the train grinds our Batsy into an unrecognizable lump, salvation:

Before the baddies can escape, the donut-fueled GCPD show up and wrangle them into prison. Fast forward a week later:

But the good news doesn’t stop there:

Two months later:

Before they get too invested in their PDA, a guard pops his head in and breaks up the quickly-turning-conjugal visit:

And finally, we have one last stop:

Until Thursday!

!!Snarkstresssig


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