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Bats Vs. Cats! Bat-stravaganza – Part 3 (of 4)

Issue #1, Batman (Spring 1940)

Moody!Monday, Batfans!

Part three of the four part Bat-stravaganza today!

Hey look! The rain is back! YAYZ.

I’m saving all my wit and humor for the snarking of today’s offering.

You’re welcome.

 

NANANANANANANA-NAAAAA! ONWARD!

We open with a boat. On water. And evidence that Brooding!Brucie and Young!Dick can read:

And yet another stellar example of how wealth does NOT equal intelligence. I’m willing to bet the Travers were betting on criminals not doing upper crusty things…like reading the newspaper.

Young!Dick wonders if there might be trouble:

While *I* am wondering what happened to Brucie’s shirt. Just what DO you have to do that’s more important than climbing aboard a yacht, hmm, Bruce?

But he quickly remembers the other reason he took Young!Dick under his wing (not that one. The other other reason…):

Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, Young!Dick! I’ll get you on that boat *somehow*.

The next night, we see a familiar face in the crowd:

Why, that’s an EXCELLENT idea, Maitre!D’ick. I’m sure no one will notice your lurking.

Sure enough, he eavesdrops on a boring introduction between Mrs. Travers, her nephew Denny, and his guest, Miss Peggs. Apparently, Peggs has a sprained ankle and Denny’s been nice enough to escort her around. Aww. Three cheers for chivalry! Not satisfied with what he’s been hearing, Maitre!D’ick turns to another source:

Oh. Oh my. Is that what he’s doing?

Sometime later in the night, when all the pumping has been finished, one assumes, Maitre!D’ick overhears an argument between Travers and her brother.

Obvious!Dick is…obvious.

Turning away from the window he just peeped into, he spots Chivalrous!Denny, throwing a piece of paper over the railing:

Lucky for Dick, the Ocean hates litterbugs and has been known to throw a piece of trash or two back.

It’s a letter!

Obvious!Panel is OBVIOUS!

The Cat apparently wants to steal the necklace, but before Maitre!D’ick can get over to the room in question, Travers comes rushing out, screaming about having been robbed. Apparently, someone knocked out the private detective guarding the necklace and absconded with it. Just then, the Coast Guard arrives:

Oh…wait. That did seem a little *too* convenient…

The NON!CG demands the necklace after threatening to kill everyone aboard:

You’re laughing, Ms. Travers? DO YOU THINK WE’RE FUNNY? DO I AMUSE YOU?

The crooks decide to do a little person-to-person search to get somethingfor their efforts:

Starting with you, babydoll. Rawr! Remember to rape and pillage, THEN burn.

Before Green!Baddie can take down Yellow!Tux, Maitre!D’ick hurtles through the air and knocks him down. He then proceeds to bitchslap anyone within reach before flinging himself overboard. Despite the gunman’s best efforts:

Woo! SOMEONE will have some serious egg on their face in just a few minutes, now won’t they?

Meanwhile, the baddies realize that they’ve managed to score better than they would’ve if they just looked for the necklace, so they take off. Soon, though, they realize they’re being followed by another boat.

Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night…through…eel infested waters.

To their surprise, it’s Batsy! And to HIS surprise, Robin’s already taken care of the rest of the baddies. And then he has a little revelation:

Lucky YOU, Robin!

Seems our hero has a message for the youth of today, er, back then:

Guns are bad, mmkay? We’re going to IGNORE THE FACT THAT I JUST MOWED DOWN TWO PEOPLE WITH GUNS MYSELF IN THE LAST PART.

As you can guess, the baddies take Batsy up on his proposition, and proceed to get their asses handed to them by Robin as a result.

Ahh. Okay. So THAT’S where they got the idea for Chucky in Child’s Play…

Dying for a rematch, they offer a go to the ones that Robin tied up earlier…and the baddies politely decline, leading to a PERFECT Teachable Moment for our hero:

BUT MAKE SURE THEY DON’T HAVE GUNS IN THEIR HANDS OR YOU WILL DIE. JUST SAYIN’.

The pair speed back toward the boat, with Robin filling in Batsy on what he knows:

Not much. But hey, THE CAT!

Robin seems to think it’s either Wallace, the gambling doctor, or Brother!Roger. Back on the boat, they’re making the best of a bad situation:

BY ADDING CREEPY FREAKIN’ CLOWNS! BECAUSE THAT MAKES EVERYTHING MORE TERRIFYING!

Lucky for Batman, the fact that it’s a masquerade party makes it easy for him to blend. Until:

OH! HA! How utterly ironical is this? IRONICAL!JOKE IS IRONIC!

Suddenly, the fire alarms go off! Everyone flees for the boats! Batman makes a startling realization!

Check out the gams on granny over there! *low whistle* Batman likey!

The captain calls shenanigans! False alarm. There is no fire. Miss!Peggs realizes she’s been caught and makes a break for it:

DIVEBOMB! TAKE THAT GRANDMA!

Batman appears to do the honors:

Because someone here is too young to know how to properly undress an old lady. Try to contain your enthusiasm, Dick.

First off, the wig. Revealing soot black hair beneath. Then…

*stares in utter disbelief* Oh. Mah. Gawd. DID HE SERIOUSLY SHUSH HER AND THREATEN HER WITH A SPANKING? *favorite Batsy panel EVER!* Oh Batman, you kinky bastard!

A moment later:

Why frankly, yes. Why? Is there one around? Oh, you mean YOU!

In true Catwoman style, she makes Batsy work for it:

Oh yes, just like that, Batman. Take your time… *cue porno music*

Jewel in hand, Batsy explains how he figured it all out (briefly: because of the note), but they are interrupted by a gun-toting Denny, demanding the necklace:

Grand!Slam! (I had to. *sobs* It was right there.)

The!Cat quickly takes advantage of the situation:

...could make pretty babies together. Ooh. Tempting. Damn straight. It’s the cowl, isn’t it? Chicks totally dig the ears. Rawr, Batsy!

Jewels returned, the pair speed off for the docks, The!Cat safely in tow. She wonders aloud just why, when suddenly:

OH MY GOD, SHE’S GETTING AWAY!

Robin leaps to go after her:

Omg.
OMg!
OMG! WE ALL TOTALLY SAW WHAT YOU DID THERE! Batsy is TOTALLY crushing on Cat! AND ROBIN IS SO FULL OF JEALOUSY!

I am officially IN the Catwoman fanclub right now, more than before, because OMG LOOK WHAT SHE MADE BATMAN DO!

~Go Team Batsy/Cat!
Snarkstress


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