couchlocked.com couchlocked.com

An Emo!Thor And His Wrath

tmt152introIssue #152, The Mighty Thor (May 1968)

The Mighty Thor “The Dilemma of Dr. Blake!”

(And I’m not even sure WHY this is the title when Lame!Blake makes NO appearance whatsoever.)

Thundering!Thursday, Emo!Thor Enthusiasts!

I do hope you’ve had a pleasant week thus far. I, for one, had an utter fangirl meltdown when @Hemsworth_Chris retweeted my tweet about watching Thor. Because that’s how I flail.

Yes, Thor hit DVD and Blu Ray on Tuesday. And…it is still awesome. And…I love the extras. And…yes. You should already know all of this, right?

Beyond that, not much to report aside from the Arachnifoe insurgence that threatens my sanity, immersion in the mostly MEH-filled world of the DC Reboot (except for practically ANY of the Bat-lines), shedding tears about Fear Itself #6 (and SERIOUSLY hoping it’s not going to go the way I fear it’s headed), the return of cooler temps to our beloved city (YAY!), and the escape (TWICE in as many days!) of the Houdini-Hammie.

Seriously…we don’t know when he’ll try it again, but that damn hamster has GOT to be a reincarnation of the great escape artist. This makes five times that he’s escaped since we got him. Our last hamster? He escaped ONCE.

Yeah. HH needs his own comic.

ONWARD!

When last we left our Mighty!Thor, he was duking it out with Destroyer!Sif, to the bitter, woe-filled END, despite being less-than-godly. Behold, Daddy!Odin figured his son had learned his lesson, and thus returned his powers to him. That’s when shit got real:

thorbattles
Really, *really* real. JUDO!KICK!

Aaand, we are again reminded that Destroyer is a badass when he picks up the hammer, because, hello, Mr. Blondielocks has just clued in. But here’s the really fun part, something that even *I* didn’t know:

wonthitme
Wait. When did THIS happen? Is that why Emo!Thor spends so much time gently rubbing it? IT’S ALL SO CLEAR NOW!

Hammer again in hand, Emo!Thor prepares to deliver the final, FINAL confrontational blow:

destfaint
DAMNIT CARL! Who spliced in the fainting goat genes? I thought we agreed to leave those out?

Of course, Modest!Thor claims it wasn’t his fault that Destroyer suddenly stopped. And back on Asgard:

wasntodinyo
Wasn’t me, yo.

Which begs the question: Who’s to blame for the Fainting!Destroyer?

beholditsme
Ah. Okay then. So it was ‘Nilla!Wafer. And apparently, in the time it took to pull Sif back from Destroyer, Bound!Balder found his clothes. Yay.

Startled!Sif warns Balder to not go into battle alone, while Norn!Queen tells her to shut up, and again, Balder gets all selfish:

ivegotthis
Holy HELL! And you thought Thor was bad! This guy will take on *anything* and refuse *any* help because that is just how he freakin’ ROLLS.

Evil!Ulik proceeds to bring the hurt, and gains the upper hand. That is until he makes one mistake:

balderjealous
DON’T YOU TALK ABOUT MY BFF LIKE THAT! ALSO? WHY IS IT ALWAYS THOR, THOR, THOR?

Unfortunately for Bitchy!Balder, Ulik is not impressed, and flings a boulder at him in answer. Sif shouts out a friendly reminder:

sifsreminder
Naked steel. It’s not just for decoration anymore.

Unimpressed!Ulik scoffs at the mention of Odin, and we wing our way back to earth, where Thor is uneasy about the Destroyer’s sudden fainting!goat impersonation. He’s interrupted in his musings by the pitter-patter of police feet:

bibdestroyer
Yes. Because that can’t POSSIBLY GO WRONG putting the most dangerous thing on earth in the hands of the NYPD. GREAT plan, Thunder-god.

Inexplicably, Thor finds himself yanked back to Asgard without so much as a by-your-leave:

norntravel
Thank you for flying Norn!Airlines.

Seems ‘Nilla!Wafer isn’t exactly confident in Brave!Balder’s abilities, so she called in the reinforcements. Namely, Thor:

realmeternal
Aww, Tender ‘mo alert, with hugging for everyone. Except ‘Nilla. And then? THEN Emo!Thor puts on his FIGHTING FACE!

Our hero charges into the fray, tells Balder to step aside (because he’s totally got this one, bro) and surprisingly, Balder relents (because Thor’s not a girl), and Ulik doesn’t really care so much WHO he’s fighting, just that he IS fighting. Epic!Battle ensues, until Emo!Thor manages to shatter Ulik’s mace. To his surprise, Ulik is unfazed:

barehands
Wait, are you being snarky, Thor? Or are you seriously going to put your hammer away and fight him with naked fists? OMG! Just because ULIK is crazy doesn’t mean YOU need to be!

Ulik wastes no time at all:

epicpimpslap
TWO-FISTED!PIMP!SLAP!

And our hero answers, not just with his fists, but with some backtalk:

asgardslap
Aww, SNAP!

Unfortunately, Ulik takes exception to Mouthy!Thor’s insults and tries to deafen him:

earsmash
EAR!SMASH! Awesome!Pain is Awesome.

Ulik grabs a nearby piece of rock, intent on stabbing our hero while he’s distracted by the ringing in his ears, but Thor manages to stop him momentarily…while WE head back to earth, where the boys in blue, doubtful of Thor’s veracity (WHY do they question him?) are about to receive a visitor:

daddyshome
New duds, new ‘tude…Mr. Claus is a brand new man. No more flying around on Christmas, crap. It’s Christmas all year LONG, baby! Because he now owns the HELL out of 34th St.

They take him to Inert!Destroyer, he tells them to bug off, and moments later, they realize their visitor has utterly disappeared with the cargo:

hesgone
Ladies and Gentlemen, your NYPD! Say it with me: Obvious!Cops are OBVIOUS!

Back on Asgard, Ulik and Thor continue to wage epic war on each other, while Sneaktastic!Loki looks on in puzzlement:

whyhenotdie
DAMNIT! WHY DON’T YOU FALL? I never should’ve listened to that psychic.

When Stalwart!Thor proves more hardy than Ulik expected, he throws himself a little Troll!Fit and manages to knock him back:

forthewin
He shoots! HE SCORES! FOR!THE!WIN!

And in the meantime, we find out that this was what Evil!Loki wanted after all:

takethehammer
Curious minds want to know…just HOW will he pick it up? Haven’t we SEEN what happens when he tries?

Thor has just about HAD it with this fight, and is determined to finally put an end to it once and for all:

outtantrum
By out tantruming Ulik’s tantrum. TAKE THAT! WHO’S THE TANTRUM!CHAMPION NOW?

Thusly confined now to the bottomless Abyss of Shadows by his final blow, Emo!Thor contemplates his actions:

toohard
WOE! WHAT HAVE I DONE? *bitter tears are shed*

But it doesn’t take long before his emo is forgotten:

hellotitties
Why hellooo there, Sif!Titties!

But when he goes to adjust, because, let’s face it, breasts that prominent certainly make it necessary:

missinghammer
And with it…his mojo! NOOOOOOOO! THOR IS USELESS WITHOUT HIS HAMMER! (Note the warring anguish on both Thor and Sif’s faces. Those are some very distraught Asgardians.)

Until next week!

~GO TEAM THOR!
Snarkstress


Share Post :

More Posts

Got something to say?