Archive for the ‘Holidaze’ Category

The Holidaze. So That Happened.


It’s 2014.


It’s … Tuesday.

And it’s been a hella long time since I’ve updated.


So I’m going to do so now: Snark is coming. It’s been crazy hectic here the last few months and I’m still scrambling to catch up on everything. There have been audiobooks produced, podcasts done, books to be written, houses moved, jobs changing, and all manner of enough insanity to ensure that life has been… interesting of late.


I haven’t abandoned you to the winds of time. Things are coming along. Never fear.

There will be snark in 2014.



Merry Halloween-ween!!


I know. I suck because the updates have been so … non-updatey of late. Work issues.



Seriously, do not be drinking anything when you click this, but prepare to laugh yourself silly.

I couldn’t let this particular holiday go by without a little something, right?

It is also the last day of October, AKA National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I do hope you checked your breasticles this month (and every month) to do your part!


May you get nothing but tons of candy and lots of fun this holiday! And I will update as I can! Because I miss you guys!


Happy Holidaze!


2012-12-23 15.57.15

From Hus af Snark to you and yours,

We’d like to wish all of you a very happy holiday season, whatever it is you celebrate!

May you find peace and joy in the upcoming new year, and may laughter, love, and health be your constant companions.

~Snarkstress & Dragon

Batsy Blazes Up!



Issue #95, Detective Comics (January 1945)

Batman & Robin: “Fight Fire With Fire!”

Moody!Monday, Batfans!

Long time no see. And I apologize about that, but there was work to be done, books to be written and edited, tiny cookies to be made. (more…)

WTF Snarkstress?



Mea, Culpa.

No really.

I’ve been busy. But I did carve out a little time this morning to do an audio, explaining what’s been going on, along with a heaping helping of begging for forgiveness.

There’s a review or two in there, as well. AC3 and Cold Days, to be specific.

I haven’t abandoned you. Just been busy!


Happy Thorsgiving!



Yes, I’ve been quiet this week.

But I couldn’t let today go by without a Happy Thanksgiving!

I’ll be back soon. In the meantime, enjoy this little handy tutorial on how to have a Thanksgiving: (more…)

Batsy Keeps It Close



Issue #94, Detective Comics (Dec 1944)

Batman & Robin: “No One Must Know!”

Moody!Monday, Batfans!

It’s one hell of a gloomy day out there! I don’t know what it is… perhaps it’s just the darkness of the day. But it’s certainly not a “Dark” day all the way around! I’m still dealing with all of last week’s craziness, but the weekend was not a complete wash. And I have to say… (more…)

Emo!Thor Faces Off!



Issue #179, The Mighty Thor (August 1970)

The Mighty Thor “No More The Thunder God!”

Thundering!Thursday, Emo!Thor Enthusiasts!

Happy Post Exploding Combustibles Day! I do hope you all had a trauma-free July 4th (those that celebrate). The festivities around here started at, oh, 10pm the 3rd…and kept right on going until amost 4am today. Faaabulous.

We celebrated with sausages and ‘taters, and a whole lotta Assassin’s Creed: Revelations up in this joint. No really. A lot. I have to say, it’s probably the most frustratingly gorgeous game I’ve played in recent history. GAMEFLY FOR THE WIN! (more…)

The Cheese To My Macaroni


So close, no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters…

The year was 1998. The time, late December. Back when I was just a wee Snarkstress just getting into the online groove of things, I used to spend an obscene amount of time online in chatrooms (anyone remember mIRC?) passing the evening hours and chatting with a few folks that I’d come to know very well. I was fresh from a break up of rather epic proportions and feeling very RAWR about relationships in general.

I was NOT on the market, despite being single, and the very last thing I wanted in my life was a boyfriend.

And then I started getting these emails, jokes mostly, from an email address that I didn’t know. Originally I ignored them, thinking someone had accidentally added my email address to their list. But one night, whether it was from curiosity or just sheer ennui, I finally relented and decided to read some of the jokes that had made their way into my inbox.

And I laughed. A lot.

I never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don’t just say
And nothing else matters…

Over the next couple of weeks, I found myself intrigued by this unknown Dragon fellow, and after hemming n’ hawing around it, I broke down and sent him an email. I admit, I probably came off sounding rather bitchy. *laughs* I wanted to know who he was and how he got my email address. He replied, telling me that a mutual friend of ours (*waves at Kim*) had said that I might like his sense of humor, so she gave him my email and he just added me to his list.

Little did I know…SOMEONE was playing match maker.

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters…

He was an Army boy stationed overseas, just trying to pass the time, and I helped him while away the hours. A couple of months went by and I found myself eagerly clicking on my inbox to see the latest letter, to get the chance to talk to him…even if, at the same time, I was having a bit of an online fling with someone else. Things with dood #2 ended abruptly when we both realized it just wasn’t going to work, and I went crying to my Dragon, whom I’d become closer to than I cared to admit.

“Men are scum,” I whined to him. “They suck.” His response?

“Not all of us. Why do you let them treat you that way? You deserve better.”

I was floored.

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know…

And angry.

I was angry at him for being right. I was angry at him for being so far away that he couldn’t prove me wrong. We argued, and I resolved, then and there, that I was going to have nothing more to do with him. How dare he presume to tell me that I didn’t know what I was doing? That I was picking the wrong people? That I was settling for less than I deserved? Just who did he think he was?

That lasted about as long as his next email.

He apologized, and I agreed to be friends with him again. But ONLY friends.

I didn’t want to deal with the fact that I was really starting to fall for this far away Dragon in the desert.

So close, no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters…

Fast forward a few months: He informs me he’s headed stateside. And that he’s thinking about being in my area for a visit. There was a concert that he wanted to see, and I told him I’d try to get tickets. We exchanged pictures…and my first thought was: “Wow. He’s skinny. SO not my type. Good thing we’re just friends.”

He tells me he thought I was beautiful. I tell him he was delusional.

He still carries that picture in his wallet.

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know…

His picture did NOT do him justice. My first thought upon seeing him in person? “Wow. He’s really tall.” Quickly followed by: “Wow. He’s really cute.” We went to lunch at the nearby TGIFriday’s, and I watched him flirt with our server, because, y’know, we were *just* friends.

Jealousy slapped me in the face like a pimp demanding payment.

Good thing we weren’t “together” right?

Since I couldn’t get the tickets for the concert, he would only be staying a couple of days, and we made the most of it, falling into an easy sort of groove wherein I discovered how incredibly devious he was (via his “magic” massage) and how hard it was for me to not admit that I was feeling more than just friendship for this charming, evil, funny guy.

I pulled a few wicked tricks out of my hat as well (nothing like having a guy help lace up your low cut renaissance dress when he’s towering over you…especially when you’re wearing the dress to a Ren Faire HE won’t be attending, but Vince Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer will be) in retaliation. I dropped him off at the airport so he could go to Louisiana for the concert, and it was the most awkward, thrilling, heart stopping kiss shared behind the opened trunk.

Didn’t want to make VCKoG jealous. He was in the backseat, staring.

I never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don’t just say
And nothing else matters…

More emails after. And things got a lot more serious over the next few months. So much so that I was having trouble processing how I felt. It’s really difficult to have a long-distance relationship, on so many levels. But I had added external pressure to keep him at an emotional distance. It was an uphill battle, one that culminated in our breaking up just a week before he was slated to arrive for another visit.

I know. Shame on you, Snarkstress. I still feel bad about it. But I was determined that this was the way things had to be. “LDRs never work out,” I was told again and again. “Might as well just keep it friendly.”

All of that went out the window when I saw him again. And things went decidedly further than before, but still I maintained that we should just be friends, perhaps with benefits, but nothing more. But the funny thing is, the more time I spent with him… the harder I fell, despite myself, until I came home from work the night before he was supposed to leave and asked him, all nonchalant, if he’d ever consider being my boyfriend.

His eyes never left the video game he was playing. “No.” He didn’t even pause before saying it.

“Why not?”

“You have too many…quirks.”

That’s the point my heart shattered and I realized just how terribly I’d screwed up. The man I had fallen so head-over-heels for, who I’d shared SO much of myself with emotionally and mentally, wouldn’t even entertain the idea of being in a relationship with me because I was flawed. I left him there to play his game and had a little breakdown in my room, because I was determined to not let him see me cry.

He did anyway. He followed me in, sat next to me on the bed, and said the words I will NEVER let him forget: “There are other fish in the sea.”

Let me pause my reminiscing right here to explain how much of a bad idea that is to say to the woman who’s just asked you if you’d be her boyfriend. No, I think you get it. We didn’t talk much after that, driving in silence to go see a movie (which, I was so upset that I don’t even remember the NAME of it at this point, but I do remember sitting in the car and listening to Kashmir before going inside, thinking to myself, “What the hell are you doing?”).

He left the next day. A very different ending from the first visit. I went home and cried.

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters…

And then I became a stalker. Well, not literally. I wrote out the longest, angriest, most self-righteous email ever. I told him that he was a fool and an ass, that he was missing out on the greatest thing in his life, and BY THE WAY, HE had some serious “quirks” too, but I had been able to overlook them.

Then I waited. And waited. And waited some more. When I got tired of waiting, I tracked down the phone number for the friend he was visiting and called. They were at dinner. His friend denied that he was there, I heard him in the background and demanded to speak to him. The conversation was short, “I got your email. I’ll answer it when I get home. We’ll talk then.”

True to his word, he did. And I realized that he wasn’t blameless. I had been a total wishy washy snit.

We spent almost 8 hours on the phone hashing everything out, and the next few months were difficult, but when he told me he was going to move to Texas to be with me, I realized that he was serious about us. And the rest? It’s history.

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know…

Our relationship hasn’t been easy. We clashed *many* times over things that were trivial at best, downright nit-picky at worst. We worked through the “quirks” and have built something solid and strong. I knew I was going to marry this man, and three years after we moved in together, I did. Our first two years as a married couple were the hardest in our relationship: we both did and said things we’re not proud of, that we can’t take back no matter how desperately we want to.

But we got through it. We survived it. We learned from our mistakes. We both grew up and learned that a relationship is more than just fire and passion, it’s communication and compromise. It’s responsibility. And it’s hard as hell. I think Louis de Bernières summed it up best (from Captain Corelli’s Mandolin):

“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”

So close no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No, nothing else matters.

9 years ago today, I promised to spend the rest of my life loving the man standing across from me. I’ve never stopped doing so, and I never will. He is my love, my life, my rock and my light. He’s my staunchest supporter and kindest critic. He makes me smile when I want to do anything but, he’s full of constant surprises and endearing quirks, he loves me with all that he is and shows it daily, and I consider myself incredibly blessed to have met and married the cheese to my macaroni.

He’s my very own God of Thunder, my Dark Knight, my Crazy Clown Prince.

I love you, my Dragon.

We may not be the richest people in the world, but what we lack in wealth, we make up for in love and laughter. I am proud to call you my husband. My love. My soul-mate. I don’t need a thing in this world as long as I have you.

You are my heart.

Happy Anniversary :)



Batsy Gets His Cave On


Issue #48, Detective Comics (Feb. 1941)

Batman With Robin, The Boy Wonder, in “The Mystery Of The Secret Cavern!”

Moody!Monday, BatFans!

So I finally sat down and poured through this issue and have finally found a few panels that are at least mostly snark worthy. I figured I’d better just buckle down and do it, because otherwise? We’ll never get beyond this issue of Batsy! And I *KNOW* the issues just get more snarktastic from here, right?

In other comic-centric news, I just read the entirety of Invincible through #85, and wow. Just… wow. That is seriously a superhero comic done right. Just sayin’.

This is going to be a busy week for me. Anniversary on Tuesday/Wednesday (yes, we have two…it’s…a really long story), birthday on Friday, and then Christmas weekend! HOLY MOLY! Guess it’s time to pull out the Christmas trees, eh? Good thing they’re tiny. Four cats is sort of a preventative measure against having anything taller than my knees in this house. Particularly if that something contains “shiny” objects of awesome for them to covet. Violently.

I’ve already made two batches of Snarkstress’ Crack Nuts for the holiday, and those should be going out either today or tomorrow. I still need to do the grocery shopping for the end of the week, and I fully intend on paying a visit to a little shop called Liebchen Delicatessen to pick up some Gelbwurst, butterkäse, and brötchen (along with some ham and salaaaami) for our traditional Yule-eve Smörgåsbord. Yum!

I finally got the opportunity to watch both The Fighter and Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, and to both of them…meh. Maybe I just wasn’t in the mood to watch movies. Oh wait, that’s right, we DID go see Sherlock Holmes 2 on Friday and YES! IT WAS AWESOMESAUCE! So, ahem. Go see it. Y’know…if you want to be entertained. Or something.

Also? Considering the insane amount of time I’ve spent playing the HIGHLY addictive Elderscrolls V: Skyrim, the following picture is an accurate depiction of comments made during gameplay (Dragon can attest to this because it amuses him every time I do it):





When last we saw our Broody!Bat, he was busily stuffing his cowled nose into the business of a family that wanted nothing to do with him. Somewhere along the way, the man who dresses up as a giant flying rodent to fight crime with a brightly colored underage orphan in bright “can’t miss me, it might as well be a bull’s eye target” colors, decided that he was the new Dr!Spock and would not be denied. Luckily, everything ended up working out for the best… more or less.

In this issue, we start off with another interloper, and nary a bat in sight:

He finds himself floating along this (surprisingly!) colorful cave, just taking in the wonders, the BEAUTY of it all, calling it magnificent. In another twisty surprise, Billy!Joe apparently has some surveying instruments with him (who knew?) and proceeds to run some calculations that reveal his whereabouts:

He races back to town, bursting at the seams to share the news of his discovery and he decides to just blurt it out to the first group of men he comes across in the local bar (as you do):

The next morning, the Criminal!Elements decide to pay Dear!Henry a little visit in his isolated log cabin out in the middle of the woods and try to … persuade him to reveal the location of the cave:

Somewhere along the way, one of the guys remembers something that could very well get them some leverage. See, apparently Dear!Henry has himself a daughter, Linda, who is a singer in an upscale club in Gotham. Fancy that. So two nights later:

Later that night:

Even later that night, in Linda’s dressing room:

Appropriately freaked the hell out, Linda does what any smart girl would:

Of course, the gunshot draws attention and Renaldo rushes in, Green!Not-Hornet hot on his heels:

As soon as Linda leaves, it’s revealed that the whole thing was a set up. Dead!Nick gets up and they all have a laugh at how gullible poor Linda was:

Meanwhile, Brucie is having a mini tantrum about Linda’s sudden disappearance when Reynaldo informs him that she had to leave:

Fast forward to Linda in Kentucky where she discovers that Dear!Henry is being told at gunpoint about her in-town shenanigans. She admits it was in self defense, and to do ANYTHING to keep her from prison, Henry decides to tell the crew where the caves are. The baddies tie up Linda and off they go. Meanwhile, back in Gotham:

Back at home, Bruce shares his concern with Young!Dick and the pair change into their costumes and head out:

They race through town to Reynaldo’s apartment, nearly running over some pedestrians on their way, climb up the fire escape and overhear a strange conversation:

Hanging up the phone, the Green!Not-Hornet sees the bat-like shadow on the wall and responds accordingly:

And our hero responds in kind, punching the green right off his suit until he spills the plan:

Batsy gets back to the car and it’s only THEN that he realizes that he forgot something slightly important:

Of course, Batman is correct, and everyone prepares for the mighty showdown. It comes in the form of the Batmobile plowing through the side of their garage hideout, followed by tons of ammo and table throwing:

The pair take out pretty much everyone, while Nick decides he wants to leave:

Robin lassoes Nick back in, blindfolds him, and takes him on a little trip:

They take the Batplane to Kentucky and moments later:

Guard dispatched, our hero knocks at the door of the cabin and gives the answering baddie a good, old fashioned, Gotham punch greeting before dragging Bound!Nick inside to confront his killer:

Batman frees the pair, and Dear!Henry agrees to take him to the cavern:

They hurry along, worried that Reynaldo’s crew has broken into Fort Knox by now, which, they totally have. They’re trying to loot as quickly as possible, but they can’t shake that weird feeling that they’re being watched:

Our Dynamic!Duo proceeds to clean house:

In the vault, one of the baddies decides to start shooting at Batman from above which alerts the nearby guards, who shoot them dead. Down below, Batsy makes short work of a fleeing Reynaldo, and turns in time to see Dear!Henry taking out some pent up aggression:

Finally, they explain everything to the Fort Stox commander, who bids them farewell with a salute and a thank you for being such great American heroes.

Until Next Time!