Archive for April, 2011

When Nature Fights Back!

28/04

Issue #133, The Mighty Thor (Oct. 1966)

The Mighty Thor “Behold…The Living Planet!”

Not really sure what kind of intro to do here, but I’m sure something will come to me later. Probably after I’ve already posted this, in one of those “Doh!” moments that tends to spring up after an opportunity to be witty has passed you by.  And therein lies the awesomeness of blogging, because I can, at will, change ALL of this to look like I really meant it to be supremely witty.

Of course, I most likely will leave this alone because I love for my readers to know exactly how my snarky little brain works, from time to time.

Hey! By the way….8 days until Emo!Thor hits the big screen!! *ahem*

ONWARD!

When last we left our beloved Emo!Thor, he was on a ship headed to his doom the Black Galaxy, armed with nothing but his trusty hammer and a humanoid recording device (aka…another robot).  Once inside, they found themselves face to, er, planet-face, with Ego…the giant planet that has been sending out pink rays of destruction at Rigellian vessels. Because, really… what DO you expect a giant, sentient planet to do all day?

Emo!Thor is, understandably, confused, and his recorder companion offers little solace, reminding all of us that he is, in fact, still a robot, by activating his Derma-circuits for maximum and continuous operation.

Did I mention they’ve already landed ON Ego’s surface at this point?

I can't decide what is more disturbing: the fact that it's so... colorful? Or the inexplicable need to find some LSD to make this experience that much more interesting? Either way... go Kirby!

Ego’s face appears again, informing them both that yes, he’s a bio-verse unto himself. Dazzled!Thor, to his credit, retains that Asgardian pride that makes him so beloved:

Thor, sweetie, when you're a giant, sentient planet, you sort of earn the right to be confident in your supremacy. I mean, look at him? He's picked the most *fabulously* non-threatening colors to address you in!

Seeing that Thor is rather… put off by his appearance, Fabulous!Ego decides to try something else:

That right there? That's the very definition of a planetary blow job.

Once the vortex has subsided, Confused!Thor finds himself standing on a replica of Asgard, snatched from his mind and re-created by his hospitable host! He’s even taken a more humanoid form, to make it easier for the two of them (and the robot) to converse in comfort.

Try the new Ego! Now in a bite-sized, convenient form for on-the-go snacking!

Humanoid!Ego leads them, by horseback, to the recreation of Asgard that he’s set up, and along the way, Thor postulates on why.  Of course, Ego answers his question for him… He’s going to conquer all of space!

But let’s leave our hero to absorb that little bombshell for a moment and turn our attention to the ongoing plight of Harlot!Jane:

Female curiosity? Speaking of... seriously, Porgia, what's with the head? Spirit of Dedication? Porgia apparently doesn't realize who he's talking to...

Speaking of Tagar, the man mysteriously pops into existence, looking like a mortal version of Daddy!Odin, ready to go:

And not a very good nurse either, might I add. *spiteful Snarkstress is spiteful*

Harlot!Jane protests, but Tagar will not be deterred:

Oooh. Now for a game of red light, green light...creepy old dood style. *points to the definition of "foreshadowing" in the dictionary*

Back in the Black Galaxy, Humanoid!Ego has finally revealed why he was so keen to talk to Emo!Thor:

I'm totes going to kick your Asgardian heiney, Thunder God! And now we see the reason behind his name, Ego, because SOMEONE has a planetary-sized one.

As you already know, Thor refuses to have his ass handed to him in any form, so he says Ego NAY!  Ego shifts back into his fabulous pink/purple cloudy form and follows up with another cosmic blow job that leaves our poor Thor spent:

Spent!Thor just needs a moment...to recompose...

As Humanoid!Recorder has pointed out, technically, Faboo!Ego wasn’t humanoid when he attacked, so his argument is null and void about being the victor.  Faboo!Ego takes issue with that tiny detail and instead, reveals the rest of his grand master plan:

That's DOCTOR!Thor to you, Ego.

Faboo!Ego, on a serious roll, drafts what can only be considered an agent of fabulosity to send out into the universe, leaving Thor flabbergasted:

Seriously, dood? You're sending hoards of pink n' purple anti-bodies to take over the universe? What are they gonna do? Forcefully redecorate and redress all the fashion victims out there? Even Thor can't believe your plot. Also: Obvious!Recorder is obvious.

Just as Thor is about to hammer his point home, the Fabulous!Entity disappears, much to Thor’s irritation:

Ooh. BURN. Dismissive!Ego is dismissive.

Ego, er, his face, anyway, disappears and he sends a large tidal wave to take care of the two, since he’s done playing with them for now:

Punny!Thor realizes that Humanoid!Recorder's observations will only go so far to save their asses and decides to take matters into his own hands.

What follows next … is difficult for me to describe.  If you’ve seen the movie “Innerspace“, you’re already ahead of the curve on this:

So...I should start calling him Germ!Thor now? Bacteria!Thor? Also: Seriously, Humanoid!Recorder... Germ!Thor says thee Shut Up. I think someone's getting a little cranky.

No sooner have the words left our hero’s mouth, than they are suddenly set upon by the Ego-crafted Anti-bodies, and things quickly get out of hand:

Snarky!Recorder does my job for me, it seems. I have nothing to add to this.

Suppressed!Thor, tired of being manhandled in such a fashion, finally says enough is enough and does what he does best:

Oh, SNAP! Go Team THOR! *power flex*

Grabbing Humanoid!Recorder by the arm, Thor drags him away from the fray, only to find themselves being sucked into another maze of tunnels as Ego crows about how powerful he is.

But enough of them! Let’s go back to earth and check in on our favorite new ruling Empress of Everything, Pink!Tana.  It would appear that she’s still meeting with some opposition, this time from a snarky NYC police officer who’s precinct she just marched into demanding to speak with the leader:

Vee haf vays of making you believe... oh yes, vee haf vaaays. Dispatch war rocket Ajax... wait. Wrong comic.

She sends her little signal over to Rigel, but things don’t go precisely as planned:

DENIED! No Space-Lock or Empressness for YOU, Pink!Tana!

Back on Ego, Thor is…having some trouble:

NOOOO! Not my stalwart and trusty Humanoid!Recorder pal!!!

Shooshed!Recorder goes flying off into the distance, observing as he goes, how the rocks, like blood cells, seem intent on destroying him at Ego’s whim.  Thor refuses to give up hope and goes after him:

"I SHALL SAVE THEE!" "Nay! Leave me! Save yourself!" Cue the Melodramatic Confession of Gratitude in 3...2...

Determined!Thor gets to his fallen companion just in time:

Shh. It's always confusing the first time Emo!Thor saves you, Humanoid!Recorder. It gets easier. Just ask Jane. Emo!Thor just can't quit you...or anyone, really.

Our hero vows to break free of this annoying bio-verse known as Ego, and, hefting Grateful!Recorder over his shoulder, he shows us all just why HE is the Thunder God of Awesome:

OH SNAP! DID YOU SEE THAT? Oh my gosh. Rhyming!Thor for the freakin' WIN! GO TEAM THOR! (**I so need that poem on a shirt.**)

Defeated!Ego is thoroughly annoyed because, hey, who really likes to lose? So he does what any drama-queen will do when they’ve been shown up:

Thor's flounce may be epic, but it's NOTHING compared to the EPIC!EGO!FLOUNCE! He's not just taking his ball and going home, folks, he's taking EVERYONE'S ball!

Our hero hammers away, his trusty Humanoid!Recorder over his shoulder, heading back for Rigel, but there’s a feeling… a feeling that something is wrong back on earth.

But you’ll just have to wait until next week to find out! Until then (from Tales of Asgard):

The WHB try their hand at more useful inventions... and somehow manage to make even THAT look ridonkulous.

 

~GO TEAM THOR!
Snarkstress *H*

 


Where Does He Get Those Wonderful Toys?

25/04

I couldn’t possibly let an auspicious day like today go by without some sort of acknowledgement.

The year? 1939.  The date? April 25th.  The place? Newsstands everywhere.

The reason I’m even talking about today? The first appearance of DC’s second biggest superhero is introduced to the masses reading Detective Comics #27…

 

I.. did mention that I'm a huge Batman fan, right?

 

I can hear it now: “Oh, that’s great, Snarkstress, but what does this mean for all of us?”

Well, my little Emo!Thor Enthusiasts, it means that along with taking care of your E!T cravings each week, I’m about to start adding some Broody!Bat goodness into the mix.  There will be more, of course, but I thought I’d start rather…small.

Plus, it’ll give you more to look forward to each week!  The first B!B post will be somewhere around the first week of May, so you’ll have to hang tight until then, but I do hope you’ll pop back by to get your DC fix.

~Go Team Batman!
Snarkstress *H*


Emo!Thor, The Mighty Space Pirate

21/04

Issue #132, The Mighty Thor (Sep. 1966)

The Mighty Thor “Where Gods May Fear To Tread!”

I was recently asked if I would continue with the Emo!Thor adventures after the movie comes out in a few weeks.  My answer? Of course I will! My adoration for poor Emo!Thor doesn’t stop just because he makes his big screen debut on May 6th. (Besides, there’s already news of a sequel that ISN’T the Avengers movie.)

In fact, I plan on continuing this until at least I’m caught up with where we are now. Yes, that includes the Siege storyline, Fear Itself (which ROCKS, btw), and the revamping of Journey Into Mystery #622 (another one that is awesome all the way around). Never fear, Emo!Thor Enthusiasts, I plan on doing this for a good long while.  I still have plans to add more Avengers snark-ups, along with some DC snarkiness in the future.

I was also asked why I only do these once a week, instead of several times a week. Honestly, it takes me such a long time to get them read, snarked, cropped and posted, that it’s rare when I have the time during the week to do more than one.  I will, however, endeavor to try to get more out in the coming weeks. Thursdays will ALWAYS be for Thor, but perhaps I can do a few different ones during other parts of the week. Hmmm. We’ll see.

But for now, let’s get back to our hero, currently drifting along in a space ship bound for the alien planet Rigel.  He’s dispatched the two pilots (good thing the ship was set to autopilot), and back on earth, Tana Nile is busily making plans for world domination after she sent Harlot!Jane off to who-knows-where. *pauses* Yeah, I’m pretty sure that catches us up.

ONWARD!

We open with Thor running up against his first obstacle to entering Rigel, known as Sky-station 14-R, otherwise known as “something resembling an Earthly toll-booth” according to our hero.  Apparently, the Rigelians aboard 14-R can tell that Thor isn’t one of their colonizers, and so surmise that he must be an enemy, but Thor, giving his title, heritage, and name, claims he is neither friend NOR foe:

So... foe then? Right. Gotcha.

Naturally, the Rigelians decide to dispatch a ship to take care of this little problem, but they soon discover it’s not going to be as easy as they might have thought as Thor tires of playing around and just flings his hammer at them:

By our Mind Thrusts combined...

Of course, it’s not enough for them to merely stop Mjolnir’s flight, no. They feel the need to cremate it:

And that goes about as well as you can expect...

The hammer returns to Thor and thus, we discover, a new side of our hero… Pirate!Thor:

Yo ho ho and a horn full of mead, bitches!

Meanwhile, back on earth, Pink!Tana is becoming accustomed to this new world she’s ruling and letting her new denizens get used to her real appearance as she takes a mild stroll down the sidewalk:

It would appear that Tana skipped the "Sarcasm" chapter of the "So Now You're The Earth's Empress" manual.

And back in Rigel, the Colonizers have decided to send a robot after Thor, because that’s worked SO WELL in the past:

Pirate!Thor prepares to test the truth of this robot's name after recovering from his startle.

Grabbing hold of our hero, Thor discovers that this Indestructible!Robot is quite a bit stronger than anything he’s gone up against to date:

*sigh* What did I tell you about tensing up the last time, Thor? Just relax and go with it, he doesn't want to hurt you!

Thor manages to knock Indestructible!Robot away and whirls his hammer in preparation for another strike as I!R gets right back up and heads for him again. In fact, he whirls his hammer SO FAST that it begins to heat up its own atoms!

Aaaand...I think it's time to think of something else. Good and proper, Thor? Really? Y'think? I don't know about you, but I don't go around naming things "Indestructible" if they aren't.

I!R prepares to unleash it’s ultimate weapon: A gamma powered immobilizer beam that will affect even HIM! Naturally, Clever!Thor realizes that being hit by this beam would be very bad news, so he manages to move faster than his foe, and knock him to the ground before he can unleash the beam.

WOO! Go Team Thor! Also? Suck it, Indestructible!Robot.

Pirate!Thor commands his hesitant crew to continue taking him to the Space Lock so he can rip it to shreds and they comply, mentioning again the Black Galaxy’s fearsome presence.  Speaking of….

Holy crap! That space ray is totally pink!

Back in Rigel, the Grand Commissioner (no relation to Commissioner Gordon, btw) sees the destruction just as one of his Observers reports the defeat of I!R by Thor.  And we discover, folks, that Rigelians are just like us:

WOE! Emo!Commissioner's life is so burdened by being smart. *cue the vi-woe-lins* Damn his I.Q!

As he emos along, he concocts a plan and has his attendant fire up the matter transmitter so he can take a little trip to the power planetoid.  It seems he realizes that Thor is about to take out their Space Lock, and he knows exactly who’s fault this is:

Damn you, Pink!Tana! *fist shake* How dare you not tell us about Earth's Mightiest Avenger?

At that same instant, Pirate!Thor’s ship draws close to the Space Lock and he leaps forth to break it with one swing of his mighty hammer, but there’s a catch:

Invisi-snatch!

Needless to say, our hero is a tad pissy about being grabbed by some invisible tractor beam and pulled to his doom:

*gasp* Thor! Such language!

And he’s not done:

Okay, now you're just showing off.

Thor arbitrarily destroys some machinery in the distance and prepares to finish what he started by flinging his hammer at the Space Lock, when he’s interrupted:

Wait! Stop! NOOOO!

Emo!Commissioner goes on to tell the pissy Thunder God that it’s not the Space Lock that he should be worried about, but some far greater terror headed for the citizens of earth.  Skeptical!Thor demands proof and is taken to the Tower of Telescopes where he’s shown the Black Galaxy:

Psh. Easy peasy. You call that a challenge? Also: Thor? What did we say about hammer fondling in public?

Aaaaand… back on earth, Harlot!Jane has traded her bus for a plane ride:

Is anything wrong with Harlot!Jane? Where do we BEGIN, massively cranial stranger?

Again, Jane insists that she’s merely following orders from Tana and has no idea why.  Her huge headed companion stares at her contemplatively, and we flash back to Thor:

Dood...what...what ARE you? (Thor forgets his "it's rude to stare" lessons.)

The two plunge into the murky darkness of the Black Galaxy, we are reminded how dangerous this mission is:

Sleep is for the weak, so sayeth Thor.

As they draw closer to the center of the galaxy, they discover that they are, in fact, within a bio-verse, a living universe!  Just as our hero is taking in that bit of mind blowing information, they find what they came looking for, or rather, it finds them:

SURPRISE! EGO! He's been waiting.

Stay tuned for next week’s adventure, where we finally get an up-close and personal look at this amazing Ego, the Living Planet! (Coincidentally, he’s also in the most recent issues of The Amazing Thor…just sayin’.)

In the meantime (from Tales of Asgard):

Not seen: The Ladies of Asgard, lined up at a nearby window, watching the proceedings as though this were a Pepsi commercial. Half naked Thor? Why yes, thanks.

 

~Go Team Thor!
Snarkstress *H*


Waiting Is Making Me Antsy…

19/04

Loki's tired of waiting, too.

Seventeen days.  If I were in the UK or France, it’d only be seven days.

We’re down to the wire now, and with all the hype surrounding Emo!Thor’s big screen debut, you’d think I’d be tired of it.

Alas, such is not the case. In fact, I’m more excited than ever and I feel like a kid waiting for Santa to show up.  Santa!Thor is making me wait, like a responsible adult.

And like a responsible adult, I’m contemplating getting a Thor hat and Mjöllnir (a hand held one, not the pendant I currently wear) to bring with me to the premiere. No, really.  Dragon is completely not on board with this plan.  He will, however, concede to me wearing an Emo!Thor t-shirt to the theater, which, given that he has to be seen in public with me, means that it’s as good as I’m going to get.

Poor Emo!Dragon. Such a total fangirl for a wife. *le sigh*

At least he acknowledges and accepts it, begrudging though it may be from time to time. Case in point: fast forwarding through commercials on the DVR.  If he’s whisking through them and anything Thor pops up, he immediately rewinds to let me watch, regardless of having seen practically every moment of footage out there NOT already in the theaters.  And I don’t ask him to do this, folks. He just does.

I’ve been wearing my Cupcake!Thor and Cupcake!Loki pendants off and on this past week, and I’m still totally in love with them.  So are several other people, apparently.

I could ply you with links about the movie, but I won’t. I’m not going to ply you with any movie links at all today.

No, today? I’m just taking a moment to express my feelings to all of you, my Emo!Thor Enthusiasts, so that you, too, can feel my pain.

 

 

~Go Team Thor!
Snarkstress


Tana Nile Isn’t Thor’s Friend…

14/04

Issue #131, The Mighty Thor (Aug. 1966)

The Mighty Thor “They Strike From Space!”

I know I’ve mentioned it here in ye olde blog about how I’ve always been a DC girl at heart and how that’s likely to always be the case.  This issue of Thor is precisely why.  Let me ‘splain…no…there is too much.

Let me sum up: I am not a huge Sci-Fi fan. No, really.  Dragon can attest to it. It’s not that I don’t like Sci-Fi, it’s just that I have a difficult time wrapping my overactive mind around the concepts presented therein.  You wouldn’t think this would be a big issue. I’m a huge Star Trek nerd, and obviously, I enjoy Marvel comics. But I’ve never watched Firefly (yes, I hear the gasps of shock and outrage now), I’m not a fan of Sanctuary, Dr. Who, and their ilk.

Fantasy worlds are SO much easier for me to immerse myself in.  Perhaps I’m not tech-y enough, despite my computer knowledge and the sheer volume of time I spend online.  Give me fantastical creatures, swords and magic over alien bugs, star ships and ray-guns any day.

So DC, with all the alternate dimensions, is easier for me to get into than the futuristic, space adventures of Marvel. I will admit that when I read the title of the today’s issue, I let out a sigh. Not because I hated reading it (it IS Emo!Thor), but because I knew that I was head to head with one of my less-than-favorite comic experiences… Space invaders.

But… enough about my hangups! Let’s get this show on the road!

OMGYAY!Herc is pleased that Snarkstress is getting on with it!

ONWARD!

So, last we checked in with our beloved hero, he had just finished saving Zesty!Herc from the clutches of Evil!Pluto and his minions.  Peace has been restored, everyone is back in their rightful places in the godly realms.  Back on earth, Tana Nile sent Harlot!Jane on a long journey to who-knows-where, and decided it was time to let her hair down and show this world just how rockin’ she really is.

We join our story, already in progress, with Emo!Thor having transported Re-Zesty!Herc to good ol’ Olympus, where everyone greets him with open arms!

Except, of course, Ares. Who's been sucking his lemons for a little extra bitter pucker it seems.

Zesty!Herc immediately goes toe-to-toe with Sour!Ares and Thor, having seen enough of Herc’s shenanigans to last a lifetime, decides to blow that Popsicle stand and head home.

Hey Herc, I'll, uh...I'll just be over here. *flee*

He heads back to Asgard, reminding us that this is going to be the very last time he’s going to pester Daddy!Odin to relent on his “no god shall marry a mortal” clause. Otherwise? He’s totally going to throw a tantrum and give up being Thor.  He climbs to the top of Olympus and departs as only a Thunder God can:

*poof* He's gone. For his next trick...

Meanwhile, back on earth, we discover that Harlot!Jane has boarded a cross-country bus, intent on going… where, again?

That's right, lady. I'll bet you're wishing you'd picked an empty seat now, aren't you?

Speaking OF Creepy!Tana….She’s decided to let her true form free, now that the pesky Jane and Thor are out of the picture:

What the... What IS she? Why have I seen that before?

OH! So she's an EPIC!PINK!MODOK? It explains so much.

Her transmission request to claim colonization rights to earth flies across the galaxy to her home world, where it’s received by a giant, metallic E.T. :

Who knew going home meant morphing into a giant metal monster computer? Wait...has anyone seen Elliott?

Inspectors are dispatched to her location and we’re off n’ running with that storyline. But, honestly, I think it’s time to switch our attention back our beloved Emo!Thor, who’s cranked the emo-ness up to 12 and is just arriving at Daddy!Odin’s side:

Celestial Chess is Serious Goddamned Business.

Thor immediately gets to the point:

And once again, Thor sees that Odin has more important issues on his mind. Also? To answer his question, Yes.

But contrary to popular opinion, Odin HAS made up his mind about this issue:

*gasp!* Have you taken leave of your SENSES, Odin?? I think he finally got tired of the whining.

Ecstatic!Thor nearly hugs him in thanks, opting instead to merely rush off so he can tell Harlot!Jane in person that he’s officially allowed to make her his bride, despite the fact he hasn’t even officially proposed to her yet:

Random energy bolt attack from your girlfriend's window? That might put a damper on one's mood, I think.

It would appear that Tana’s inspection team has arrived and they “overreacted” a bit at the sight of a joyous Thunder God sailing toward the apartment window. Thor reacts about as well as we can expect:

Yeah, that used to be Jane's outer apartment wall and window, right there. Way to go, Emo!Thor. How better to say "I love and want to marry you" than to demolish the side of her building?

Tana, for the sake of full disclosure, decides to spill the beans about where Harlot!Jane is:

Er, right. The guy just crashed through his beloved's wall, so I'm thinking it's "of consequence" to him.

She reinforces the whole “I’m In Charge” vibe by blasting our hero with another of her famous Mind Thrusts, dropping him to his knees so she can tell her story:

Relax, Emo!Thor...it hurts more if you tense up.

Essentially, she’s going to wait for the inspection team to rule the planet good enough for her claim, appear before the United Nations and declare herself Empress Tana the First.  On the off chance that there might be some… less than favorable responses to this claim, she’s going to unleash the mighty Space Lock around the planet and bounce it wherever she feels like putting it.

Empress!Tana could even make it do loop-de-loops if she so desires!

Thor has issues with this, ‘natch:

Straining!Thor says thee NAY!

Rather than try to redouble the Mind Thrust, the Inspector decides to blast him with a Proton Coagulant Ray.  Clever!Thor stops his struggle:

Lazy!Thor just needs a little time to recuperate, that's all.

The Inspectors activate Tana’s space lock wrist watch and take off with Cubed!Thor.  It seems they want to study him back on their home constellation of Rigel. Along the way, they pass one of Jane’s neighbors and her little dog:

Well! I never! Those Rigelians are SO rude!

The tuck Cubed!Thor away into their ship and off they go. Apparently, they think that by studying Cubed!Thor, they might find a way to defeat whatever horror it is that lurks within the Black Galaxy.  Just the mention of the name fills them with dread.  Knowing it’s going to be a long flight, and being just plain tuckered out from inspecting, they set the auto-controls and relax.

Meanwhile, Elitist!Thor is offended by his prison. Psh. Proton Lock. Puh-lease.

Empress!Tana activates the space log, assuming that she might have some difficulties convincing humanity to just accept her claim as supreme ruler. We’ll see if she’s right.  Back on the ship, Thor attacks his captors, who even mentally change their physical density, thinking this is going to deter our hero from kicking their alien asses.

Oh snap. I feel a righteous Asgardian Thunder God monologue coming on!

Having worked himself up into a rage, PISSED!Thor takes out his frustrations on the unsuspecting abductors:

VERILY! WOO! GO TEAM THOR! *fangirl squee*

Though he could escape, having hammered the two into unconsciousness, he decides it’s better to stay on board, because, y’know, it might be nice to see where this auto-pilot ship is headed:

*cue the vi-woe-lins* Aaaand...determined hero takes us out.

I’m seriously curious about this Black Galaxy horror, and although I have a sneaking suspicion that it might be one of Thor’s old nemeses coming back into play, I, like you, will have to wait until next week to find out!

Until then, however, (from Tales of Asgard):

Volstagg? More like Volstuck.

~Go Team Thor
Snarkstress *H*


Emo!Thor Goes Down Under

07/04

Issue #130, The Mighty Thor (July 1966)

The Mighty Thor “Thunder In The Netherworld!”

Let me preface this issue by saying: Look, I like Hercules and all, but I’m getting a little tired of following him around.  But at least we’re learning a very valuable lesson from his plight.

Don’t go drunkenly sticking your thumb print on a contract in Hollywood, especially if the one waving it in your face seems even the slightest bit shady.  You might very well find yourself consigned to the Netherworld as the One In Charge.

Honestly? We don’t all have a random Emo!Thor waiting in the wings to save our asses, now do we?

ONWARD!

When we last left our heroes, Thor was on his way from Limbo to go save Herc from the predicament he found himself in.  Distraught!Herc has been forbidden from raising his own fist to strike out, by decree of Daddy!Zeus and he needed a champion…and since Emo!Thor was just hanging around in Limbo with nary a thing to do, he hammered off to be the calvary this time.  He tracked down Evil!Pluto just as his minions were pulling the unfortunate Herc down into the depths:

 

Evil!Pluto manages to express how we're ALL feeling about this particular turn of events. Seriously, Thor? Now he's your bestie?

Skeptical!Pluto sets aside his misgivings and makes it all official with fire:

 

Evil!Pluto was known for his less-than-inspiring pep talks.

Steadfast!Thor heads down into the Netherworld, via the portal thoughtfully opened for him by Pluto, but not before he’s given one last thought to chew on as he goes:

 

Methinks Pluto is a bit premature with the "I told you so" speech, but hey, if it works...

Down goes our hero, and immediately finds himself face to face with a mechanical monstrosity touting itself as Cerberus, the guardian of the Netherworld:

 

And he's got some pretty strict rules about what it takes to get by him. *grabs the popcorn bowl*

Naturally, Thor makes it clear, rather quickly, that he won’t be on his knees for anyone (except *ahem* Tana Nile, but whatevs) and EPIC!Fighting ensues.  Hammers are thrown, lasers are fired, but ultimately, we all know what the outcome will be, don’t we?

 

WOO! GO TEAM THOR!

That threat having been vanquished, we flash back to NYC, where Sad!Jane is staring out the window, worried half to death about what may have happened to her snugglebunny:

 

Love. It is an emotion fit for fools and weaklings. Also? I approve Tana's choice in reading materials.

Lovestruck!Jane waxes poetic about how awesome her love is for Emo!Thor and Tana has had about enough of her ramblings and lashes out:

 

Oops. Did I say that out loud? *sigh* Release the MAJESTY!

Tana unleashes her aura of awesome upon the hapless Jane, who is no match for her powers, and decides it’s time for Jane to take a little vacation… permanently:

 

Jane suddenly finds herself wishing she'd checked Tana's references a bit more thoroughly before just letting her move in.

Back in the Netherworld, Hercules is STILL struggling against the minions of Pluto:

 

When in doubt, dog-pile. Also? This would be the PERFECT time for Thor to swing by and smack Herc with a large piece of construction equipment. Just sayin'.

We soon discover just why everyone’s holding him down…apparently it’s time to put on the crown, and Hercules does NOT want to wear it:

 

Zesty!Herc discovers the true power of the Wacky Hat Brigade and trembles before its might.

Thor arrives on the scene and announces that he’s there to champion Herc.  To his credit, Hercules is not only astounded by relieved by this news.  He flings off the minions, but discovers that it’s not going to be a simple case of running into battle with his new friend:

 

Surprise! Someone forgot about their shock collar.

Thus humbled, Zapped!Herc bemoans his inability to join in the fight.  Thor’s heart grieves to see Hercules enduring the whole half-power situation with which he is so recently familiar, and this helps to steel his resolve.  He flings himself into the fray of minions who charge him with all sorts of pointy weapons:

 

That's right, folks. No POW, KAPLOOEY, WHOOOOM, or KLAAAANG here. Just good ol' silent fighting. Go. Team. Thor.

Suddenly, all of his foes decide to head for the hills.  He senses that something is wrong and soon, we discover that yes… there is something VERY wrong as the baddies come back with a tank bearing cosmic cannon shells that, according to them, no immortal can withstand. Thankfully, our Emo!Thor is a tad bit smarter than your average immortal:

 

OH SNAP! WOO! How's that for quick thinking? Impromptu group hug anyone?

You know what happens next, don’t you?

 

Yup. Mjölnir goes for a fling. And the Asgardians erupt in cheers of joy in Daddy!Odin's TV hall.

Of course, the cannon explodes spectacularly but there’s a tiny little hitch. Turns out the Cosmic Cannon wasn’t the ONLY weapon in the Netherworld arsenal, and our hero soon finds himself trapped:

 

Damn those tricky trap doors!

As Thor prepares to find out just how turbulent the wind can get inside that thing, back in NYC, we’re treated to another scene between Tana and Jane:

 

That sound you hear? That's Snarkstress cheering. Yes Jane. Go, go, GO. *girlcrush on Tana* I'm seriously all about the celestial chess :D

With Jane out of the way, Tana decides it’s time to let loose a little, let her hair down a bit:

 

Stupid humans. With their stupid little lives. Prepare to be TANA-FIED!

Back in the glass chamber, Emo!Thor is having a very bad day:

 

The Emo has overwhelmed him! He is woe-d.

The minions all think that because Thor hasn’t moved, he must surely be dead, and victory is theirs!

 

Except it totally isn't. SURPRISE! Thunder God!

And this time, Thor means business. He flings himself at the baddies, taking them all out with one fell smack of the hammer.  The Crusher comes running in, trying to stop him:

 

Initiate HUG attack sequence! We are clear for cuddling, I repeat, we are CLEAR for cuddling.

Emo!Thor will not be cuddled and flings Crusher off his back, violently. Because the minions are apparently incapable of admitting defeat, they start trying to take out Thor with arrows. Which, as you can imagine, goes over spectacularly with our already enraged Thunder God:

 

Seriously? You've tried a cosmic cannon, a turbulent wind jar, the Crusher... and you think arrows are going to stop him?

Thor takes out the platform that the archers are firing from, effectively rendering them useless. The minions prepare to fire up one last tactic: flame throwers.  Suddenly, they are interrupted:

 

Oh alright, FINE! You win!

Pluto forfeits lest Thor demolish every single thing left in the Netherworld and releases Herc from his contract, realizing that he can’t win.  He tears up the contract as Zesty!Herc thanks Thor:

 

Don't mention it, bro. It was nothing.

With his power restored, Herc stretches out and nearly takes out another building, which Thor cautions against doing:

 

Once again, we're treated to the 10 second memory that is Zesty!Herc's brain.

Herc asks about Pluto, and Thor reminds him that the fight’s over, Pluto’s learned his lesson, and only a weakling seeks to prove his strength at every turn.  Apparently, that’s all Herc needed to hear because he immediately forgets his anger and makes it official:

 

Aww. *wipes away a tear* Herc + Thor = BFFs Forever!

Stay tuned, the next issue, we find out what the HELL is going on with Creepy!Tana, and where did Harlot!Jane decide to go?

Until then (from Tales of Asgard):

 

The WHB branches out into a clothing line that is... unsuccessful.

 

~Go Team Thor!
Snarkstress *H*


April What Now?

01/04

We’ve officially made it to April. Despite all the rain woes and disasters happening around the globe, spring has sprung and in true Seattle style, it’s been wet and drippy and grey around here.

I promise, no April Fool’s Day jokes here. I detest them myself.

I mean, pranks are all well and good, but AFD has always been my least liked holiday.  It’s not that I’m particularly gullible, the skeptic in me won’t let that be the case, but I don’t like having a day where I can’t trust a single thing being said/written/implied from anyone.

Instead, I’m going to bring you movie news that I’ve been hoarding this past week and hope that, if nothing else, this will give you, our Emo!Thor Enthusiasts, a chance to relax and forget about the ongoing pranks of the day.

On the DC front:

They decided that having Wonder Woman wearing shiny blue pants and boots was probably not going to be a fan ideal (it totally wasn’t), and have instead released pictures of her wearing a different costume during filming.  Thank goodness. Wonder Woman is a lot of things, but gaudy is not one of them.

They’ve also just released information about an upcoming Justice League movie, in answer to the Marvel Avengers movie slated for 2012.  I’m a little torn on this because, while I DO want to see the JLA on the big screen, they’re now talking about rebooting the already rebooted Batman franchise.  The only saving grace on that one is the fact that Nolan will potentially be involved in the reboot somehow.  I honestly have enjoyed Nolan’s vision for The Dark Knight despite my initial reservations.

Speaking OF Batsy, my favored source for movie news, Screen Rant, has a whole page about the tons of changes, casting news, and anything else you might want to read about, all on one convenient page! Woo! Go check it out.

There’s also news on the Green Lantern movie that debuts June 17th. I’m already eager to see it, not because I have any sort of emotional investment in the Hal Jordan character (I really haven’t read anything on GL and all of my current information comes from DCUO), but because I’m a Ryan Reynolds fan.  But also? Michael Clarke Duncan is potentially voicing Kilowog. I adore him. Although there was a somewhat lukewarm reception to the initial GL trailer, the second one, which airs before ‘Thor’ ironically enough, should give the fans what they really want to see. I’ll be sure to let you all know what I thought because you KNOW Snarkstress will be in the theater the day OF.

In the land of Marvel:

Emo!Thor has his own page over at screen rant too! You can find it here, and among the awesomeness: Chris Hemsworth talks ‘Thor’ at the recent C2E2 convention in Chicago (that sound? That was Snarkstress, squeeing like a rabid fangirl all the way in Seattle while watching), Six brand new posters released for ‘Thor’ (and someday, I will own at least one of them), Tom Hiddleston compares ‘Thor’ to ‘Superman: The Movie’ (awwww! Loki loves his Thor!), The first ‘Thor’ clip is officially released (and Snarkstress has seen it about a bajillion times since then), and finally, two ‘Thor’ TV spots show off some of the action sequences and Snarkstress has a total fangirl meltdown. *fans self*

Moving along to other Marvel endeavors: X-Men 4 & 5 are in active development, James McAvoy has a chat about ‘X-Men: First Class’ (an X-Men movie I’m rather interested to see), A Russian trailer for ‘X-Men: First Class’ shows off more mutants, Hugh Jackman promises that whoever directs ‘The Wolverine’ will be as good as or better than Aronofsky, Hawkeye’s costume is hinted at by Jeremy Renner (and me-OW), and there’s a whole host of rumors making the rounds about ‘The Avengers’ movie.

I’m really quite interested to see what they do with The Avengers, but it looks like we won’t know really firm details until later in the year.

Oh yeah, and there’s this little trailer you might want to see, if you haven’t already: The first ‘Captain America: The First Avenger’ has FINALLY been released… and it looks incredible! Can’t wait to see this one.

And last, but most certainly NOT least, one of my favorite pieces of movie news this past week that has nothing to do with comics at all: Neil Gaiman announced that ‘American Gods’ is in development.  Seriously, guys, THIS news just absolutely makes me giddy as a schoolgirl. I’ve read the book about a dozen or so times and it’s in the top ten of my all-time favorite novels. So this news? This is GOOD news. Provided, of course, they don’t muck it right the hell up. But I’m thinking that if Gaiman is actively involved, which I’m certain he will be, there’s a good chance the movie won’t suck and will, in fact, rock my socks off.  We shall see.

And there you go, dear readers. Go forth and edjumacate yourselves in the cinema world.  Don’t forget who loves you. And may your April Fool’s Day be devoid of pranks ;)

~Go Team Movie Updates!
Snarkstress *H*