Issue #115, Journey Into Mystery (Apr. 1965)
The Mighty Thor “The Vengeance of The Thunder God!”
When we last left our hero, he was dashing off to save Harlot!Jane from the clutches of Evil!Loki. The last issue was chock full of woe, surprises, and a baddie who seemed entirely too powerful for Thor to beat. Absorbing Man, in the running against Mister Hyde as quite possibly the most ugly human-turned-supervillain, was able to thwart Emo!Thor at every turn; his body changing with each new introduction of force, from rock to steel to Uru to the forces of nature themselves! And all the while, Scheming!Loki had other plans (aside from sporting some nifty new headgear…ditching the horn hat for a winged-ish one). If it weren’t for the intervention of Balder, poor Emo!Thor wouldn’t have known Jane was missing at all, what with him forgetting dinner plans and having the attention span of a gnat on crack as Lame!Blake.
Rather than hammer off, Thor RIDES off, ON A HORSE, to go rescue his lady love, while the abandoned Absorbing Man prepares to menace a home in the middle of nowhere…and that about catches us up to where we need to be.
It's nice to see that the success of the comic hasn't gone to their heads or anything.
So we open on Thor climbing his way up the side of a tower structure, looking about as pissed off as an angry Thunder God can be, while Loki and Jane look on from above. Loudmouth!Loki is the first to speak, berating Thor for being stupid enough to meet him on HIS home turf and this time? It would appear Loki’s gone and gotten himself a sword, while Captive!Jane emoes in the background:
Oh, Jane, honey, we've been wondering the same thing.
Of course, Thor gets a word in:
Again with the naked strength. Someone needs to put a loin cloth on it at least!
And it would appear, as the two begin their epic fight, that Thor is especially angry that Loki has had the audacity to take an “earth girl” hostage, considering they’re both apparently pledged to do no harm a mortal being. Uh… Thor? I think Loki’s already broken that promise several times over. Loki counters with “I didn’t technically harm her, just used her as bait,” but that’s not enough to appease Angry!Thor…and ‘lo, the battle rages on.
Back on earth, however, Harris Hobbs, the banana-peel-slipping-TNT-carrying reporter has found himself trying to explain to the police just what it is he’s doing out in the middle of nowhere. The police react about the way you’d expect, particularly when he tries to tell them about Creel.
A banana nut. Sure.
He goes on to explain how he watched the fight between Creel and Thor, how awesome it was, and expresses his doubt about whether the police will be able to stop him even if they DID catch up with Creel.
Meanwhile, a few miles north (because we’re jumping locations like the Fonz jumped the shark), Creel has set his sights on a place to sleep:
It cries itself to sleep at night, that's how woe-some and lonely this house is.
He decides it’s the place for him, despite the couple already inside going through the ’60s routine of “man returns home, wife caters to him instantly”. Of course, when Creel shows up and crashes the party, that routine grinds to a screeching halt.
AAAAND…back to Asgard, where the battle rages on. Loki tries to freeze the molecules of air around Thor into a wall of enchanted ice. I’ll bet you can guess just how well that works:
Yeah. If you didn't see that one coming, well...
Thor flings himself upon his half-brother, raging on about the rage in his heart and the strength in his sinews forcing Loki to yield, which, obviously, Stubborn!Loki has no intention of doing. Just as things are getting really dire, there’s a bit of an interruption:
Ooooh! Someone's gonna get spanked!
Immediately, Lying!Loki launches into his latest deception:
She chooses NOW to faint? REALLY JANE?
Daddy!Odin knows of Loki’s inability to tell the truth. I mean, the history alone should have taught him a thing or two about whether or not he can trust what Loki has to say. So naturally, he doesn’t believe a word of it… oh… wait:
Wait...WHAT? You're kidding, right?
Rather than protest the injustice of this decision, Emo!Thor begs Odin to hold off on the trial for 2 days, while he goes home to take care of some business: namely, putting Fainted!Jane to bed and resuming the ass kicking of a certain Crusher Creel. Thankfully, Daddy!Odin remembers he has a brain and lets him go, despite Loki’s protestations to the contrary.
Awww. Tender!Thor and his lady love. She's out past her curfew.
What a day she’s had. But when she wakes up, I’m sure that she’ll be able to hash it out with Lame!Blake and he’ll be able to boop her nose and tell her it was just a dream:
Nose boops are So last issue. Let's just wipe her
And with her safely tucked away (and memory wiped) Emo!Thor hammers off to take care of the OTHER problem he left behind when Balder snatched him from the battlefield.
That problem is, by the way, busy still menacing the poor inhabitants of the house he’s decided to claim as his. They initially put up a bit of a struggle:
Way to grow a pair there, John. I don't think he's buying it.
Creel grabs him and tells him he’s about to learn a lesson. Of course, seeing her man being man-handled pisses off little miss Ann, so she responds the way a woman is apparently supposed to in a situation like this:
Throw fine dishware at the problem.
But they both discover rather quickly just WHY this isn’t such a good idea:
Y'know, I think he might have a future in interior design.
Assured that his hostages are duly impressed with his abilities, he turns to bronze by grabbing a statue (because “No guy wants to be made outta silk!”), before scaring Ann into the kitchen to prepare him some grub, because all this body changing is making him rather hungry.
Of course, outside we find the police fumbling around in the woods, searching for Creel, with Hobbs tagging along, when Thor stumbles upon THEM:
Plan G? What, Plans A through F weren't good enough? And armed with bazookas and flame throwers? Have you not been paying attention, boys?
Thor tries to intervene, telling them to hold off a minute while he swoops in and takes care of Creel first, because he’s super dangerous. And instead of listening, one of the bumblers in blue gets all uppity:
We got this, T-Man. Just because we've been highly ineffective so far doesn't mean we won't get lucky.
Thor wisely decides to completely ignore being told to go away, opting instead to beat them to the scene. Hobbs points out the random house in the clearing and everyone heads in that direction. Peeping!Thor recognizes Creel in the window and tells Hobbs to go back and convince the police to hang back…good luck with that dood, Hobbs is too keyed up about getting the big scoop. Reporters.
Inside, Creel is busy being a bully, and surprisingly, John ain’t gonna take it no more:
OH SNAP! Go Team JOHN!
But the celebration doesn’t last long:
Oh he touches it alright. He touches it A LOT. He DID just bust out of prison, and all. Careful, Creel, you know what they say...you might go blind.
Just then, Hobbs, in a display of blatant, brazen idiocy, flings himself into the fray, letting Creel know that he’s surrounded by the police. But we soon discover just why he’s put himself on the line:
Oh. So it's all Thor's fault? I see.
The taunting works and Creel smashes out through the side of the house in a rage. No one calls HIM a phony and gets away with it. He sees the cops and prepares to go all ball-smash, when Thor interrupts, playing the Avengers card (which apparently trumps the police authority), and he’s a little upset:
Bring. It. ON!
So they lock horns once more, and again, Emo!Thor has to pull out all the stops:
Because that totally worked the last time you tried it, Emo!Thor.
Creel absorbs the fire and turns into a lesser Lava Man (seen in an earlier post here), while the police look on and ring their hands in despair. The decide to fire a grenade at him, which detonates early considering that Creel is now made of, y’know, FIRE and all. Thankfully though, it appears to have an effect!
Oh that can't be good. Somehow, I don't think he's going to turn into Grass Man.
As everyone watches on in stunned amazement, Creel becomes….
What? What is that? I don't even know!
Our hero has gotten tired of warning Creel, and now that he’s this… thing, he decides it’s time to take the kid gloves off and get down to the nitty gritty:
It's hammer time, dood. GO TEAM THOR!
The smoke clears and we find that Elemental!Creel is gone. But where did he go? Emo!Thor explains it for those of us in the audience who are as confused as the police:
Wait, he floated away? Rather, anti-climactic dontcha think?
So you might be asking yourself, dear reader, just why is it a GOOD thing to have Helium!Creel floating about int he atmosphere? Well Emo!Thor has that covered too. It’s all a part of the plan:
Space...he's going to let him float around in space. Until he's powerless again. So what happens if he smacks into a planet, there smartypants?
After all that explanation, Hobbs decides he’s NOT going to print the story because no real newspaper would believe it was a true story. Really Hobbs? In a world with superheroes? In a city that’s seen COBRA and LAVA MAN? REALLY??
Well tell us how you really feel there, Hobbs.
Thor hammers off, because he has an appointment to keep with Daddy!Odin and that Trial of the Gods thing, leaving everyone else to gush in his wake:
*sniff* So. Proud. Now get back in that kitchen and make me some food.
But before he heads to Asgard, he has a little stop to make:
Careful there, Thor, you're getting emo all over the windowsill.
He’s interrupted in his woe-gazing by a summons home, and he hammers off, in the way only Emo!Thor can:
Damn. Straight. Go. Team. Thor.
In the next issue: Thor finds himself on trial with Loki, per Daddy!Odin’s decree. Who will triumph? What exactly IS a Trial Of The Gods? I plan on answering those questions for you in the next post.
Until then, I leave you with THIS image from the Tales of Asgard:
Smug!Loki is smug. Also? Rockin' the green headgear and the purple cape. Classic super-villain colors.
~Go Team Thor!