Archive for December, 2010

Thor Lets It All Hang Out

31/12

Issue #113, Journey Into Mystery (Feb. 1965)

The Mighty Thor “A World Gone Mad!”

The teaser on the cover kinda says it all and I wanted to have the last Emo!Thor post of 2010 be something really epic. Something really spectacular.  Something SO mind blowingly EMO that you couldn’t possibly wait until 2011 to see the next chapter of the saga.

Issue #113 does all of that and more.  It brings back an old foe (because, honestly, what better than someone you’ve already fought before?), plucks the heartstrings, and finally answers the question: What would happen if Emo!Thor finally just said “To Hell with it” and spilled the Odin-forbade beans about his true identity?

As I said before…

EPIC!EMO!ACTION!

ONWARD!

We open this issue with a huge Viking sky ship, Asgardians spilling out from the top, Daddy!Odin and our favorite Thunder God the helm.  We are informed that when Odin calls, none may say him nay, and thus the epic battle against the Demons of Jottenheim begins.

Wow. How generous of them. The sacrifices they made to let Kirby shine for a minute. Better live it up, Jack. You may not get another chance.

...tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM! And now? The stuff you paid to see...

So, as you should’ve guessed, dear reader, the winners of this skirmish are Daddy!Odin and his crew.  He decides to take a walk with Battle!Thor, right through the middle of the fight, to tell him how awesomely he performed. And then he drops the bombshell…Boy, I want you to come home.  And Emo!Thor, bless his little heart, says Daddy NAY!  Of course, Daddy!Odin reacts about as you’d think he would:

Emo!Thor woes away across Bifrost, Daddy!Odin passive/aggressive-ing behind him:

Go. Don't worry about ME. No. Just think of YOURSELF. You'll come crawling back. I know you will. I hope your soul is SAD, young man. *sob*

Somewhere along the way, Emo!Thor makes a decision that, call me crazy, I think we’ve heard him bring up before:

Mmmhmm. I do believe we've seen this song and dance before...

Upon landing, we’re told that he really means it this time.  And since it’s the end of the year, I’ll let Emo!Thor do the ‘splaining:

Oh yeah. Unlocked breasts are serious business.

Lame!Blake sneaks back into his office, startling Harlot!Jane.  He was supposed to be at a medical conference in Chicago and he explains that he came home early.  And then things take on a rather…desperate quality:

Shut up when I'm talking to you, woman!

Whoa. He does look rather...serious, doesn't he? Operation Unlocked Breast in 3...2...

*audience gasp* OH MY GAWD! HE DIDN'T!

Yup. He really, really did.  The big thing that Daddy!Odin totally forbade him to do. The secret he’s been sworn to silence to uphold.  And everyone is in shock:

Surprise! Scene shift! While you let that little bomb sink in, let's throw this plot bunny at you. You're welcome!

Everyone remember exactly what all has been found in the bottom of the river? Oui! It is our very own stoned supervillain, Grey Gargoyle.  As more and more mud is removed from the statue, what we’ve already deduced becomes rather painfully obvious:

Oops! About that...

Irate!Gargoyle storms out, intent on picking up right where he left off. First stop? His apartment so he can have a seat and initiate a puffy cloud flashback sequence about his origins.  This so angers him that he just HAS to remind us of what his main goal is: namely, find out Thor’s secret of immortality.  Easy, right? HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Back in Asgard, it seems Daddy!Odin just got slapped with a dose of “OH NO HE DIDN’T!”, so he’s having a temper tantrum.  Unsuspecting!Loki approaches the dinner hall, where the food covered chef flees the scene:

RUN! SAVE YOURSELF!

It would appear Loki was unaware until the chicken leg flew by his face that Daddy!Odin was in a bad mood.  Not letting that deter him, he walks in on EMO!ODIN woeing all over the hall:

OH WOECAKES! Where IS his tragic cherry?

Not one to let an opportunity to gain favor slip through his fingers, Dejected!Loki lays it on ultra-thick, gaining JUST the response he was looking for:

At least you still love me. *sniff* Unlike He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.

He storms off (haha! See what I did there?) proclaiming that Thor..is no more!

THERE IS NO...wait...what?

While Victorious!Loki gloats in the corner, back on earth, Lame!Blake is trying to convince Harlot!Jane that he isn’t, in fact, delusional:

Back away from the crazy doctor slowly. Aww, how sweet of you to tell him you love him no matter how unglamorous he is.

While Lame!Blake continues to yammer on about being Thor, we discover that Grey Gargoyle remembers where all the madness initially went down, so he’s naturally returned to the scene of the first confrontation:

Please, Doctor...you're starting to freak me out.

Surprise!Gargoyle leaps through the window just then, stopping the mad ramblings of Insane!Blake.  Telling Jane to flee, Decisive!Blake throws the book at him:

See?*facepalm* He really must be crazy to think that's going to work.

Gargoyle catches the book, turns IT to stone and hurls it back at Blake.  Jane announces the arrival of the elevator (which…really? Bad idea. I’m just sayin’.), and the two duck inside.  Grey Gargoyle gives chase, just like a good baddie:

Remember that part above where I mentioned taking the elevator might be a bad idea? Yeah. think they're getting it now.

Gargoyle drops to the elevator, turning it to stone as he does so, and we quick scene shift to Asgard where, apparently, someone’s called a meeting of the minds sans Loki and Pissy!Odin:

Yeah, so, Odin's lost his mind and we need to make sure no one kills Thor before he realizes the error of his ways. Any volunteers?

Balder, of course, is first up to go provide bodyguarding duties, but Loki, intent on keeping everything as chaotic as possible, decides to throw a few obstacles in Balder’s path…just for spite:

What the hell? Fainting horses? Aww, soft-hearted Balder can't leave him behind...Score one for Loki.

Plan B goes into effect, but Loki is prepared for them as well, stopping the outgoing Asgardians with “battle orders” that he completely made up on the spot, dispatching them to the eastern reaches of Asgard until further notice.  Naturally, they question his authority, but Loki reminds them that Thor is out of favor with Odin:

Oh, and? Neener, neener boo boo.

But apparently, Loki didn’t know about sneaky Plan C, who successfully sneaks his way to earth while Loki’s distracted. Back on earth, Pursuing!Gargoyle is very publicly chases after the fleeing Blake and Jane, randomly stoning people as he goes:

And YOU get an hour stoned! And YOU get an hour stoned! EVERYBODY GETS AN HOUR STONED!

Blake and Jane duck into an alley for some unknown reason, and Gargoyle gives Lame!Blake one last chance to tell him where to find Thor or he’ll stone them too…and make it permanent:

NO! *gasp* Not the SPECIAL!TOUCH!

Suddenly, blue hands twang an arrow into their midst. Bursting into a blinding light, the arrow gives Blake and Jane just enough time to manage to escape the alley and try to get away in a nearby car.  At this point, Gargoyle is tired of chasing them down, so he pulls off the gloves, literally:

Ya THINK, Jane? Thank you Ms. Obvious.

But, we are reminded yet again, that Lame!Blake is so named for a reason:

*facepalm*

But again that blue hand of blueness appears and this time, a voice tells the fallen Blake that he has 30 seconds to be Thor.  Lame!Blake IMMEDIATELY forgets his vow to never again take up the mantle of Thor (AGAIN) and Thwack-Thor’s out, using Mjolnir to make his point:

GO TEAM THOR!

Of course, somehow Gargoyle survives the hit, rubbing it in:

Yeah. It'll take more than one hammer thrust to injure that rock-hard body... wait...

Commence fighting: The bell rings (metaphorically) and it’s ON.  Thor finally answers Gargoyle’s question about his secret to immortality…uh, he was BORN a god, dood, duh?  While Gargoyle continues yammering on about how he MUST preserve his awesomeness, Thor decides to make the most of what little time he has left by ripping up some city-owned lamppost, and conducting that electrical energy into a lightning bolt that fries the crap out of Gargoyle:

OH SNAP! GO. TEAM. THOR!

Our hero wanders off, in search of his helping blue hand, but along the way he starts feeling a little lightheaded and weak:

Oh noes! NO!

When he finally passes out, we get a glimpse of a cloud poofing up to Asgard, reforming into a warrior headed back to Odin’s Hall.  Seems Honir The Hunter was sent there on a mission specifically set forth by Odin himself:

Of course you will. Especially NOW that it's pretty much assured that Jane won't believe Blake no matter HOW hard he tries to convince her of his godhood. Well played, Sneaky!Odin...well played indeed.

Lurking!Loki is irritated about this new turn of events, but he vows to continue thwarting Thor until he’s truly the victor.  But back on earth, our lame, unglamorous doctor has a bit of a decision to make:

No. Really? Who didn't see that one coming?

Decision made, torturous though it must have been, he heads back to where Jane is still unconscious, cradling her close and telling her that he’s SANE now:

Oh...it's still there, Jane. It'll ALWAYS be there.

Blake shows off his handiwork and they call the police to take care of Lump!Gargoyle.  As we leave this tale, Jane and Blake share a tender moment:

Foolish? Really? You'd rather spend time with your Foolish!Blake than your Buff!Thor? Okay. If you say so...but we really know the truth, don't we Jane?

Bonus:

Seriously...this is on Jane's wall. Just sayin'.

Stay tuned: In the next issue, the Mighty Thor finds himself going toe-to-toe with a brand new foe that is guaranteed to challenge him in ways he’s NEVER dreamed of!

Have yourself a safe New Year’s Eve!  See you in 2011!

~Go Team Thor!
The Snarkstress *H*


A Very Harry Birthday

29/12

I’ve felt the need to gush for a week now about how nifty my birthday turned out to be this year, and I’m finally getting around to doing it. I only wish I had more pictures to share! Unfortunately, the main part of my birthday didn’t lend itself to pictures because they were “not allowed” to be taken.

I shall explain.

Ignoring the banality of the majority of the day due to working (for both of us), we’ll fast forward a bit.  We had to go out to West Seattle to drop off a card to one of our friends and then it was back to downtown.  See, about 3 weeks ago, my Dragon pointed out that there was a Harry Potter Exhibition going on at the Pacific Science Center. I hemmed and hawed about making it out there because I absolutely detest driving downtown, but ultimately we decided that it might be a nice outing for my birthday, provided we didn’t get any freak snowstorms.

Finding Pac Sci wasn’t difficult, thanks to our handy bitch-in-a-box (aka Magellan), and parking in the tiny pay-per-hour parking lot rocked.  In fact, we now know where to park the next time we decide to hit up the Seattle Center for fun.  Once in line inside the building, we noticed an issue we hadn’t considered…timing.  See, I suppose it’s normal in big cities to have timed events, all the better to keep from having 1000 people in one showing, leading to trampling and hurt feelings.  The only open time slot was 4:30.  When we got to the line? It was 3pm.  Dragon suggested doing it another day, I told him no, damnit, we fought our way through too much downtown traffic and random close-calls with S.L.U.Ts to turn back now. If that meant I had to sit there and wait for 90 minutes, then by golly, I was going to do it.

Here’s where a little bit of awesome comes into play: when we got to the window, intent on seeing the 4:30 showing, the clerk told us that he’d just had two 3:30 tickets open up…did we want them? Uh, yes please! So a little Snarkstress’ birthday miracle happened.  After tromping through a bathroom (apparently sans toilet paper) we hurried out across the courtyard to get in line for the exhibition.  I was determined to have fun, come hell or high water, and the only slight blow to my chipper mood was when the guide informed us there weren’t to be any pictures taken nor cellphones used for the duration of our visit.

Well poo, I thought. That’s no fun at all.

Of course, the exhibition itself was totally worth the price we paid to gain admission.  Over 200 props from the movies, including full set pieces, costumes, even creatures were all on display. I got to touch Snape’s robes. *tiny squee of awesome*  We meandered through the Gryffindor sleeping area, the Potions room, the different offices of each Defense Against The Dark Arts professors (yes, even Umbridge’s), pulled Mandrakes in the Herbology classroom, sailed through the Quidditch area, drifted into the forest (complete with Buck Beak AND Dragon AND giant spider), relaxed in Haggrid’s Hut, crept through the graveyard, and danced in the Main Hall, all before spilling out into Diagon Alley, where I got one of Hermione’s Time Lockets.

Here’s my only complaint, because honestly, the whole thing was massively spectacular: I know that the world of Potter is mostly for children. I’m a fan, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not my whole life. That said…if you have children and you want to take them into public? Please, for the love of Odin, keep an eye on them and ensure they at least have a tinge of manners.  I know kids will get excited and bouncy and that’s just fine. But after a few body slams from chitlins left to run wild, an elbow or two from others as they tried to jockey into a better position, with nary a word of rebuke from their parents…well…it’s moments like that that I remember why I tend to shy away from large gatherings.  It wasn’t just the children either! I seriously had a 6′ tall, mid-40′s dood practically knock me over to see something that HE COULD ALREADY SEE. *facepalm*

Aside from the above, it rocked.

And then we decided to go to dinner, which was, thankfully, closer than we’d anticipated to the area we were already in.  Pasta Freska. Oh. My. Gods.  I won’t say it was the most amazing food I’ve ever had? But it was damned close.  No menus, no hassle.  Declining wine (I had to drive and I don’t like wine much anyway), we were brought a fresh raspberry lemonade that was to die for. The chef came out and asked us what kinds of things we absolutely did NOT like and then created this “beautiful meal” that just melted me into a happy little puddle of culinary goo.  Seven courses, each one resplendent with rustic Italian simplicity, each one better than the one before.  Eggplant, salad, spaghetti, stuffed chicken, mussels, salmon, and dessert. Words cannot express how fantastic this was.

In the spirit of gastronomic adventure, both Dragon and I tried something we’d never tried before: mussels. Steamed. And practically drenched in a sweet cream sauce. They were incredible.  This from the woman who swore up and down she’d never eat one.  And, too, even my picky Dragon ate them and everything else set down in front of him! I was so proud of him!  We only traded once: he prefers white fish and I prefer salmon, so when we both got the opposite, we traded. BOTH were good.

Of course, I had to run out of the restaurant after dessert to make sure I pulled the car out before the parking garage closed, leaving Dragon to pay the bill like a manly man would, but even then…sublime.  A place we are most definitely going to visit again!

The end of my birthday resulted in heading home, looking at the lights along the way, and being oh-so-thankful to not only be living in this incredible city, but to have made it through another year in, more or less, once piece.  And with another year looming, just days away, I wish the same to all of you: Health, happiness, and love in 2011.

~Skål
The Snarkstress *H*


Emo!Thor Goes Green!

26/12

Issue #112, Journey Into Mystery (Jan. 1965)

The Mighty Thor “Battles The Incredible Hulk!”

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Emo!Thor Adventures! I, for one, am glad to be back and, with any luck, should be on a somewhat normal posting schedule from now on.  The holidays certainly have a way of throwing major crimps in posting plans with all the hubub and such.

So! Now we get to the issue that made me start reading The Avengers.  I know there’s a major movie in the works, and that’s great, but though I adore silver-screen Tony Stark, I dislike him immensely in the comics.  And though I’m not a huge fan of the Hulk, Ed Norton made me see him a little differently than before.  Everyone here already knows how I feel about Thor. And Pym? Well, until recently, I didn’t know very much about him at all, nor did I care. Thankfully, I’ve gotten on board (mostly) with The Avengers comic, so hooray for that.

But it brings up a very good question: In a battle, who would win? Hulk or Thor? If you spend ANY time at all googling the answer, you’ll find that the winner varies wildly depending upon which camp you’re in.  Here at Couchlocked, although we acknowledge the brute strength and sheer rage of the Hulk as being impressive, Thor is, well, a god.  So there’s that.  But I’m guessing the impetus for this issue hinged on that question being posed at some point, and though they will inevitably clash many times more in future comics, this…THIS is the first time it’s been laid out so neatly.

ONWARD!

This sets the mood for the issue. Neither cutout looks particularly...happy.

We open on a mob of “youngsters” (thanks Emo!Thor!) verbally duking it out over who is stronger: Thor or Green Bean. Emo!Thor is just hammering by and decides to swoop in to find out what’s going on. One of the kids, clearly a Green Bean fan, snarkily mentions that Thor’s going to say he’s the strongest because, hello, it’s Thor.  Offended, our hero sets him straight:

Verily, Emo!Thor is incapable of lying! (*coughnotreallybutokaycough*)

Emo!Thor settles in on the curb to ponder the merits of the question: IS Hulk stronger?

Sometimes a hero needs to take 5. By the way, does anyone else suspect that dood in the purple suit might not be a kid? I'm just sayin'.

Flashback recap time! A quickie rundown of the final face-off in Avengers #3, through Emo!Thor’s eyes.  The caves of Gibraltar, Sub-Mariner’s air raid weapon, Giant-Man’s intercession, and the initial clash of the fighters.  That pretty much sums up what happened. Emo!Thor seems to think so too. But wait! There’s more:

Kids these days. So touchy. Also? Introspective!Thor making his frowny face. Aww.

Also also?

Oh, I'll bet there was. Did it involve Naked Strength? EPIC!FROWN!

Apparently, at the height of the battle, while the other Avengers sought a way to disable Namor without physically harming him (even though he didn’t have the same concerns when he was ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL THEM *ahem*), Emo!Thor and Angry!Hulk exchanged blows back in the shadows.  They became so swept up in beating the snark out of each other that they didn’t realize that they were…away from the rest of the gang:

Maybe he thinks that if he keeps repeating "I'm the Hulk!!" it will somehow force a concession from our hero? (Methinks Hulk's been spending a bit too much time with the parrots in the aviary. Just sayin'.)

Emo!Thor needs a moment. So instead of grabbing a Twix, he creates a dimension disruption around himself (basically? a time whirlwind…like he used before to save Jane):

Oh. Is that all? Psh. Amateur.

Once inside, he decides to even the score a bit, because, y’know, there’s that…issue with the hammer and the 60 second rule.  He sends a message to Daddy!Odin asking for his help (and interrupting his hunting trip):

For once, he's not already watching what's going on. I guess he set the DVR to record? Look at him... missing all the action.

Emo!Thor wants to test his mettle against his foe and requires five minutes to do so.  Surprisingly, Odin seems okay with this idea. And after a quick warning about not having any magical help from Mjolnir, he grants Thor’s request, giving him five minutes to go head to head with the Hulk.  Of course, that means that Emo!Thor is going to make a very obvious mistake:

*facepalm* Cue Hammer interception by the Green Bean in 3...2...

Of course, Hubristic!Hulk doesn’t realize that the ONLY reason he’s caught the hammer is because it’s not magical anymore:

Why, I'm AWESOME, that's why! Anyone else waiting to see what happens when the five minutes are up?

Hulk, in his effort to be the most destructive force on the planet, apparently, decides that he’s going to BREAK the hammer (Hammer!Smash!) just to prove his point.  Which, ‘natch, gives Emo!Thor the Asgardian equivalent of a heart palpitation and an OH NOES moment:

Dance magic dance.

Thor manages to get Mjolnir out of Hulk’s grasp and away from danger, but he sorta forgets how quickly Hulk can rebound from an attack. Tackle!Hulk takes him down to the ground AGAIN and then Ka-Pows him into the next panel:

What the hell?

Floored!Thor reacts with his “blinding speed”, which isn’t really all that blinding after all :

Noooooooo! Emo!Thor 'OH NOES!' face in full effect.

And then? Then he sheathes that hammer, for the protection of everyone:

Oh...really, Thor? That sounds like a challenge. Another feat of Naked Strength, perhaps?

Hulk responds by ripping some WWII mines from a nearby metal wall, which is, honestly, quite impressive…even to Thor. Hulk flings them at our hero, whooming him onto the next page, and again, we find Thor a tad stunned by all the fighting:

Time out. I think he needs a breather. Just... a moment.

And here’s about where Hulk loses his grip on his anger, shouting at Thor about how the Hulk is incapable of being weak.  He only gets stronger the angrier he gets, and Green Bean’s pretty angry right now. He pulls back, preparing to SMASH, only to find that his quarry isn’t where he was a moment ago.  Emo!Thor has slipped under the radar and moved out of the way of the assault, just in the nick of time.  And now? Emo!Thor’s turn to kick some righteous ass:

Oh. OH! GO TEAM THOR!

He proceeds to pummel the crap out of Green Bean’s surprised mug:

OH! SNAP! *wild applause*

And then Thor loses his brain.  He stops hitting Hulk to assess the damage, giving Hulk enough time to grab Thor’s wrists in a steely grip that even a Thunder God will have difficulty getting out of.  Meanwhile, back in Asgard, Daddy!Odin has returned from his hunting trip (most likely alerted to “omg I’m missing the best part of the show!” by Thor’s request) and he approves of the fight:

Best. Show. Evar. (And seriously, how many times has that TV changed forms?)

Even Daddy!Odin is impressed by how fiercely they’re fighting, but he knows he can’t intervene.  He reminds us that there’s only a five minute limit on the “sans hammer” strength thing. Meanwhile, back in the caves, Triumphant!Hulk is forcing Trapped!Thor to his knees, telling him to bow down before his master…and if you’ve been paying attention, Emo!Thor has heard that particular line before and reacts in much the same manner…with indignant anger:

Oh really now? He can't? Green Bean, this is THOR we're talking about...He takes out GIANTS all the TIME in Asgard.

GO. TEAM. THOR!

Of course, then another mistake is made, as Thor suddenly remembers the five minute rule:

*facepalm* REALLY THOR??

As Hulk flings Thor away, he has plenty of time to think about what he’s done:

Well. Good to know you're aware of it now.

And since he’s traveling at such a high rate of speed, he has to use his own force to stop his forward flight, smacking his hands against the wall and surprisingly, the force is so great that it causes the tunnels to collapse on them both!

Hulk SCARED? Never! *cue My Heart Will Go On*

Though Thor rushes to where Hulk disappeared beneath the rubble, he’s unable to find him. And this makes Thor angry as a wet cat:

NOOOOOOOO! This is not over!

He discovers the hole and tunnel that Hulk must’ve dug to escape and frantically he goes after him, but to no avail. Hulk is long gone, and Daddy!Odin, back in Asgard, won’t give Thor any more time to waste on his little vendetta.

Really? I... don't... what?

Thor emerges from the tunnel to see Sub-Mariner getting away from Iron Man (nursing a damaged transistor…aka DOOMED TO DEATH IF NOT REPAIRED SOON) and swoops in to save the day. Only, he’s so focused on stopping Namor that he doesn’t hear Hulk’s heavy breathing behind him until it’s too late:

Surprise! Threesome!

Just then, the five minutes are up and all it takes is Thor to call his hammer to him to wrest it away from Hulk’s grip. Easy peasy:

Yup. He totally learned his Humility lesson, Odin. Humble. So very humble.

Apparently, during this part of the story, Emo!Thor has gone all quiet and the kids gathered around him have become concerned:

Huh? What? What fight? Who? Who was he talking to? Was this all an internal monologue?

Reminded that he has better things to do than sit around and tell stories to the chitlins, he stands and dismisses them with the trusty “oh, nothing more to tell” routine. Seems the Hulk totally disappeared after that, so he has no idea where he’s gone to.  One of the kids pipes up with the question that started this whole tale: Who was the strongest? Thor’s answer?

REALLY, Emo!Thor?? What the hell kind of answer is that?

But before he hammers off, he leaves us with a parting thought about how it’s not who has the most power, but who uses that power wisely in the pursuit of justice. And as he floats away on his leather thong, we’re reassured that he’s learned his lesson:

*blink* So...the answer is virtue?

And before we leave off, we’re treated to a vision of Hulk in the desert, meandering around, smashing rocks and screwing up the scenery, rambling on about how he shall finally smash Thor once and for all:

Verily. Our Emo!Thor is quite gentle indeed. *sage nod*

And one last image before I leave you tonight: In the Tales of Asgard at the end of this issue, we find the story of how Loki came to be an adopted son of Odin, and all I have to say is this:

Awwww. Baby Loki! LOOK AT THOSE LITTLE HORNS!

Stay tuned: In the next issue, Emo!Thor gets EXTRA EMO when he finally spills his secret! Exciting stuff!

~Go Team Thor!
The Snarkstress *H*


Merry Christmas!

25/12

From our couch to yours, Dragon and I would like to wish everyone a very merry holiday, whatever you celebrate!  We look forward to next year, and bringing you even more giggle-worthy posts, stuffed full of more snark than you know what to do with.

Thank you, all of you, who’ve tuned in this long, and those of you who continue to visit our little corner o’ the web.

Merry Thor-mas!

~Go Team Thor!
The Snarkstress *H*


Avengers Face Off!

25/12

Issue #3, Jan. 1964

The Avengers “Meet Sub-Mariner!”

Okay, so here’s the one I wanted to get to before returning to our regularly scheduled Emo!Thor Adventures. I’ve had some questions about whether I was going to continue the Avengers recaps or not: short answer? Yes.  What I like about these is that they only came out once every two months, as opposed to the monthly Emo!Thor.  So hopefully, provided my interest doesn’t wane, I’ll be updating with an Avenger’s post every couple of E!TA’s.

Now, the reason I wanted this one to come before the next E!TA: You get to see Hulk and Emo!Thor square off.  The two have been digging at each other from the word “go” and it all finally culminates here.  In the Emo!Thor comic subsequent to this one, you get to find out from the lips of the Hunky Thunder God himself what actually happens.  But I figured it’d be a good idea to go ahead and provide context.

Yes, you can thank me later.

Anywho! ONWARD!

At least the editors are kind enough to let us know exactly WHEN this new baddie is supposed to make his first appearance.

So we open this issue with a simple roll call of who all is in this issue: Thor, Giant-Man (seriously, does the ‘-’ make a difference?), The Wasp, Iron Man, Hulk and Sub-Mariner.  Good to know. We also get a quick status update that it’s a month later after the last issue, it’s the regularly scheduled Avengers pow-wow, and oh yeah, there’s that little issue of not being able to find The Hulk after he flounced off so epically at the end of last issue.

All caught up now? Good. Iron Man decides to toot his own, er, I mean, Tony Stark’s horn a little:

Did I mention that he's awesome? Yeah. Totally. Totally awesome.

He flips the switch and suddenly starts traveling around the city, sorta, at the speed of…light.  First target? Baxter Building.

Uh, excuse me? Ever hear of knocking?

The Thing has a hot date and refuses to be Iron Man’s bloodhound.  Brushed aside, Iron Man tracks down Reed, whom he finds in the midst of an experiment with The Human Torch. Involving fire.  Yeah. Reed lets him know he can’t be bothered.  And then there’s Sue.

There are SOME things that a girl just has to do. Priorities, babe.

Iron Man, denied, continues his search, stumbling across Spider-Man, who is, y’know, ALSO busy catching bad guys. He…responds with characteristic Spider-Man charm:

Beat it, bub. Can't you see I'm busy?

There’s only ONE MORE PLACE that Iron Man can think of going to find help: Professor Xavier’s School For Gifted Youngsters.  Surely the X-Men will be able to assist?

In other words: GTFO! Wow. That's what, four strikes? Five? Dood. I think the Avengers are on their own. For serious.

Iron Man returns to deliver the bad news.  Thor has had time to come up with an idea and apparently, Giant-Man and Wasp are on board:

Well, at least he got to test his new toy. Thor's right...think outside the 'Tony Stark Is Awesome' box.

Rick Jones agrees to help (because really? He’s a teenaged boy with a hero complex. Did you really expect him to say no?) and sets off to look for Hulk on foot.  It doesn’t take long before he’s stopped by a stranger and told about some monster getting his jollies freaking out the normals.  Sure enough:

He's...fishing? How is that menacing? Oh...he's saving lives.

Rick warns the Hulk that the police are on the way, because, despite having done nothing wrong, he’s SCARY and people don’t like him very much. Hulk bounds away with Rick on his shoulders, stopping in a cave where a machine awaits him, bombarding him with Gamma Rays:

And when the smoke clears? Nearly naked Bruce Banner. Note: somewhere along the way (between issue #2 and #3) Hulk has changed out of the purple panties that offended Emo!Thor's delicate sensibilities.

Rick tucks him in and stays up to make sure he’s safe. And we find out that everything we knew about how the Hulk became the Hulk is wrong. Damnit! Behind the massive steel door, however, Bruce isn’t having pleasant dreams:

YEAH! Why remain weak when you can Hulk SMASH?

Uber!Hulk decides that naps are for wussies, and smashes through the door/wall of his sleeping chamber and rampages his way on out into the world.  Rick Jones runs for the nearest Teen Brigade radio room, all in a tizzy, to send out an urgent message to the Avengers about having found Hulk.  Tony just happens to be lounging about in his white tux when the call comes in on the radio.  He promptly suits up, letting Henry and Jan know the news.

No KIDDING! Someone needs to learn to say please.

Iron Man left a message for Thor, and we flash over to his office:

Oh hay there, Nurse Jane! We've missed your mental undermining of Lame!Blake.

We know why he’s closing the office, though, don’t we, dear readers? He Thwack!Thor’s out behind closed doors and hammers off to New Mexico, intent on joining the rest of the Avengers crew.  Iron Man gets there first, and while he’s distracted by Rick Jones, Hulk decides to welcome him in his own unique way:

Hulk wheels out the welcome tank.

Iron Man retaliates with an energy blast that leaves the Hulk clinging to a cactus to keep from being blown away. Not one to rest on his laurels, Hulk obviously needs to have the last word:

Gotta use whatcha got, I guess. Pricks for a prick?

Iron Man hides behind a rock and tries to talk some sense into Hulk, an meanwhile, Wasp and Ant-Man seek cover in a nearby ant hill from the javelin sized cactus needles being flung at them.  Once inside, despite Jan’s protestations that there’s no need, Henry sends his antly followers out on a super seekrit mission:

This is the important job? Dropping pebbles into an underground stream? Mmmkay.

Above ground Iron Man is STILL trying to talk the Hulk down, and he’s still having none of it.  Directly beneath him, the water pressure keeps building, until the inevitable water ‘splosion.  Unfortunately, though, Hulk is able to leap out of the way at the last second, only to find himself being spun right round baby by Iron Man:

Oh look who's finally decided to join the party?

Dizzy!Hulk tries to slow himself down, just in time to hear Thor’s voice ringing out:

Verily, Green Bean. Stop your shenanigans.

Hulk, tired of playing THEIR game, decides to start one of his own, leading Thor and Iron Man on a merry chase down into an abandoned mine shaft. The heroes catch up with him just as he’s contemplating a life of train hopping.  An empty caboose makes a dandy blunt weapon:

Oh, I'm thinking Mjolnir is a titch more than just an 'handy gizmo', Tony.

Iron Man has to give up the fight because it’s getting a bit too… intense for him, what with all the crap Hulk’s tossing around.  Of course, Emo!Thor is a bit less of a wussy. Until, of course, Hulk gets the upper hand:

Somewhere, Wasp is having some alone time, watching her object d' lust flexing his muscles.

Hulk tries to run away, when Giant Man tries to intervene. Foiled again: Hulk flours the place up and disappears.  Thor makes an observation about why they’re failing so miserably at bringing Hulk down:

Yeah. I could see how that'd be a bad idea. Guys? He's got a valid point. Time to get dirty...

We later find out that Hulk has hitched a ride in the back of  a gravel truck, planning on swimming away to freedom after being dumped in a river. He makes it out to the ocean, days later, surfacing only for air once in the open sea, until a passing vessel pulls him on board.

BUT! Underneath the waves, a stranger watches:

Dun dun DUUUUUN! (I have no idea who this is, but he seems to be competent enough)

Hulk jumps overboard when his strength finally returns and he spots an island that would be perfect to hide out on for a while. But wait! Just as he’s making it to shore:

SURPRISE! Nearly Nekid Namor at your service!

Tiny verbal peen whipping conversation ensues:

Oh. Oh my. This can't be good.

Hulk manhandles Namor for a while before the Sub-Mariner’s had quite enough and fights back. We learn that while Hulk may be a bad-ass on land, Namor kinda owns it under the waves. He proceeds to thrash the hell out of Hulk and finally, calls a halt to the ass-kicking:

You + Me = Ultra Mega Awesome Baddies. Whatchoo think?

Namor summons his vessel, once a tentative partnership has been reached, but we soon discover that even THAT is a lie:

Question is... who's going to shaft the other first?

The dastardly duo make their way to Gibralter and send out a message, calling the Avengers to come out and play.  Thor? He’s ALL FOR IT:

Oh, verily, it's about to get brought.

Wasp can’t resist his… forcefulness:

So Wasp...tell us how you really feel?

And Henry steps in, all passive aggressive like:

Oh, I'd say she's ALL grown up, Henry. When are you going to actually, I dunno, start acting like you really DO care about her?

Later, they head out to the designated meeting place, in another of Tony Stark’s faboo new toys, searching for Namor and Hulk in some old bunkers still stocked with ammo.  How could this POSSIBLY be a bad idea?

Little do our heroes know, their foes are a little further down the tunnel, preparing to attack with weapons, despite knowing they won’t work. Namor has a plan. Namely, get Thor to throw Mjolnir.  Naturally, Thor decides he’s not going to be predictable this time, wanting to merely hammer the incoming shell.  Iron Man reminds him that Wasp isn’t exactly invincible and instead, uses his magnetic repulsers to send the shell right back at the baddies.

Namor decides to belittle Hulk, yet again, before trying to take out Iron Man with an Emery Dust Pellet… which apparently makes all his metal joints stiffen.  Thor, seeing this, tells Giant Man to take care of Tony, and THEN he sends Mjolnir in to do his dirty work.

Naked. Power. Yup.

60 seconds later, Mjolnir is back in Thor’s hands, and Wasp is taking off after our retreating foes. Unfortunately for her, Hulk decides to do some high-decibel damage, and catches Wasp in the process. Stunned, Wasp falls to the floor, seeking cover in a crevice as her three fellow heroes go thundering past. She quickly beats a hasty retreat to Henry’s shoulder to chill for the rest of the encounter.

Upstairs, Namor is introducing Hulk to his latest modified toy, only to find himself interrupted rather rudely by Giant Man who pulls him into a tussle as Hulk watches.  Eventually, Giant Man flings Namor toward Thor, only to find the pass intercepted by Iron Man:

Oh REALLY, Iron Man? You're sure it's not because, oh I dunno, you want to be the hero of the day, maybe?

Seriously, I haven’t seen Thor KILL ANYONE YET. But y’know. Whatever. Iron Man knows him…oh wait. He totally doesn’t!

Namor surprises him by delivering a bitchslap of EPIC proportions that disables the transistors in his suit that keep him alive. Hmm. Woopsie. Thor interjects, warning Sub-Mariner about his hammer:

Um... yeah. This isn't looking so good for Emo!Thor. Why does everyone want to touch his hammer after licking him? I mean really now.

Hulk is determined to wrest Mjolnir out of Thor’s grasp, but he discovers that it’s not as easy as just yanking candy out of a happy baby’s chubby fist:

Anyone else out there cackling right now? If Thor doesn't want to let go of his hammer, it ain't going no where. But, whatevs, Green Bean.

Thor decides, just as Hulk is yanking away his hardest, to just… let go. Hulk goes flying, and so does Mjolnir, and the fight is on, now, between Sub-Mariner and Hulk to see who gets the hammer first. Giant Man decides to step in, and Mjolnir once again safely returns to the Thunder God’s grasp:

Yeah. Thor. Hon. About that... It's not a club. And as long as you don't go letting it out of your HAND for more than 60 seconds, your secret will still be safe.

ANGRY!Hulk threatens Namor with a total ass-whupping if he keeps up with the name calling, but suddenly:

Whoa whoa WHOA! OH SNAP SON! Someone better run the hell away!

Bob Banner flees the scene, because HE doesn’t have an issue with the Avengers. Giant Man keeps grappling Namor who is, finally, becoming weaker due to being out of the water for too long.  Thor prepares to go off in search of Hulk, but before he can, he has to disable Namor by driving him into the now repaired Iron Man repulser field.

Thankfully for Sub-Mariner, he’s managed to crack the wall behind him enough that a SINGLE DROP OF WATER drips on him:

Wow. That's all he needed? REALLY?

He dives off into the water, and Wasp, eager to see some ass kicking occur, tries to sic Thor on him, but Thor isn’t having it:

Emo!Thor says thee NAY, Wasp. He fought the good fight, sorta. Let him go. Who else is surprised by this? I think Iron Man speaks for all of us...you NEVER let the bad guy go.

Ah well.

Stay tuned! Next issue: it’s back to Emo!Thor Adventures, dear readers! And this time, you get to see what really happened during the big show down between Thor and Hulk.

And we heard him exclaim as he hammered out of sight: Merry Thormas to all, and to all, a good night!  From our couch to yours, have a very MERRY Christmas :)

~Merry Thormas!
The Snarkstress *H*


Avengers…FIGHT!

24/12

Issue #2, Nov. 1963

The Avengers “Battle The Space Phantom!”

So we march ever forward into the next issue of The Avengers.  I have to say, before we start, that this was one of the most snark-worthy comics I’ve read in a while.  I was laughing the entire time and each turn of the page brought another giggle fit.

This issue is all about mistaken identities. Well, sort of.  It will all become clear, but suffice it to say that I was most amused by one glaringly OBVIOUS mistake that, frankly, surprised me.  It’s so fundamental … and those of you who read this (and the comics) for the Adventures of Emo!Thor will immediately see it.  But, on the off chance that you don’t, I’ll make sure to slow down ;)

ONWARD!

So we open with three of the Avengers gathered ’round the table.  Apparently there is a meeting going on and there are two missing members – Ant-Man and Wasp.  We get an idea of just how well this meeting is going to go with the opening lines from our favorite Asgardian and the equally caustic retort from Hulky:

Verily, those panties are offensive to me. And, too? I think of ALL the people out there, Thor is the only one who can back up talking smack like that to Not-So-Jolly Green.

Thor, naturally, takes offense at the blondie remark and things are about to get all real when Ant-Man speaks up, reminding the Thunder God that everyone is on the same team here.  Since they’re so tiny, they have to down their pills to regain sizes that EVERYONE can see:

Indeed, Snarky!Wasp, they are bitter pills to swallow. *rimshot* Thank yew!

Everyone is surprised to have them spring up from nowhere, Hulky noting that they’ve just saved him from beating Thor’s ass. Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night, Green Bean.

Henry ‘splains about the pills, everyone is amazed and duly impressed, and the meeting begins. Or rather…they sit around the table and whine:

The Avengers, Dating Service. And Wasp? Oh I'll BET you do.

Meanwhile, out in space:

THE MENACING SPACE EGG!

This “space egg” decides to join in a meteor shower and fall to earth, but since it’s not a REAL meteor, it won’t burn up in the atmosphere. Instead, it’ll land in an alleyway and hatch into:

Count ... Chocula?

Okay, so the Space Phantom looks NOTHING even remotely “phantom” like.  And in fact, he’s … alarmingly purple. But! He’s at least aware that he wouldn’t possibly blend in without assuming a disguise of some sort. SO:

*screams* Well that solves that problem and SURPRISE! PLOT BUNNY AHOY!

Looking completely ordinary, Imposter!Phantom makes his way to the Stark mansion because he knows the truth about all of the Avengers’ identities, apparently, because he’s been studying them from space for some reason.  Naturally, they know he’s coming via their tabletop:

All that's missing are the dice and sheets. And Wasp? Damn girl, hormones much?

Hulk decides he’s going to roll out the welcome wagon for their guest, with Emo!Thor warning him to be nice or he’s going to have to take things personally (like he doesn’t already?). Iron Man and Ant Man both try to prevail as the cool minds of reason.

Oh yeah. These four totally have their control issues well in hand.

Gentle!Hulk goes on to confront this intruder but winds up finding out the surprise is on him as he’s thrust into limbo.  Imposter!Phantom has taken over his form, with the intent on destroying the Avengers from within.  And how, dear readers, does he intend to do this, you ask? Simple:

He's going to insult them to death.

Imposter!Hulk decides to throw his weight around at Iron Man, and Emo!Thor has a problem with it, but no, Tony assures Thor he has things well under control. Cue Iron Man/Imposter!Hulk scuffle:

Strange indeed, Iron Man! Did you not see what happened on your fancy schmancy table top?

Just when things are about to get interesting, Emo!Thor has to get all up in their biz and ruin the party, stepping between them and whirling Mjolnir to get their attention. They react to this disruption by first insulting Thor for being so gorgeous, and then flouncing out of the room:

Okay, so what's with the hair jokes? I'm wondering if Stark is really jealous of his luscious locks. Don't hate him because he's beautiful, Tony. And really, Imposter!Hulk? You couldn't just use the door?

Imposter!Hulk decides to study these humans he’s about to subjugate (because he was too busy spying on the Avengers to care about these puny hoomins he’s about to turn into slaves) and he starts with the poor guy he thrust into limbo earlier.  He reappeared when Phantom stole Hulk’s identity and is finding out that sometimes? It doesn’t help your image to explain what really happened to you:

Yeah, better stop him before someone actually believes him. *eyeroll*

Out of nowhere, Rick Jones appears, telling Imposter!Hulk that he needs to come back to the lab, never suspecting the truth.  And then….he explains:

Wait wait wait. WHAT? WHEN DID HULK TAKE THOR'S ALTER EGO?? *mind? BLOWN*

*pauses to let everyone catch up*  Yes, RJ just told Imposter!Hulk that he turns into Lame!Blake.  Apparently, Imposter!Hulk, though he claimed to know all the Avengers’ secret identities, well even HE is surprised to hear about the Don Blake one.  I just… *head shake*

So RJ hitches a ride on Imposter!Hulk’s back, cluing in Phantom about how Hulk manages to “fly” via his super strong legs.  RJ finds himself even MORE confused when Imposter!Hulk starts heading in the wrong direction, just jumping willy nilly and generally acting totally un-Hulk-like.

Woopsie! Imposter!Hulk is still getting used to those landings...

And despite his better judgment, Imposter!Hulk decides to do a little bragging:

FOOL! You know nothing of the awesomeness of the Space Phantom!

Here’s the fun part: He brings the Hulk back from limbo to demonstrate his power, and just as RJ warns him to attack the Phantom to his left, Phantom snatches him back into limbo, thereby avoiding any potential “death by Hulk” scenarios.

*insert evil laugh here* Just kidding!

Imposter!Hulk bounds away to finish destroying the Avengers, stranding RJ in the middle of…wherever it was they landed.  Meanwhile, a missile test is about to begin, courtesy of Stark Industries:

Oh yeah, Bill. Total genius, that Stark.

Imposter!Hulk decides that, since he’s on his way to bring the Avengers down, he might as well destroy a few missiles too.

EPIC MISSILE SWIPE! Oh, uh, about that hair trigger...

Meanwhile, back at Stark mansion:

Gee... I sure hope this isn't foreshadowing of some sort!

He unplugs and answers the phone, only to be told of Imposter!Hulk’s antics. Send in Iron Man. He suits up and takes off, using his radar to track the unknown object that can ONLY be Imposter!Hulk:

Really? Tell us how you really feel, Iron Man.

But before Imposter!Hulk can strike, Iron Man grabs him and delivers a rather painful electric shock that makes Imposter!Hulk demonstrate the crybaby-owwie face:

See?

Thankfully, Iron Man FINALLY realizes that there might be something REALLY wrong with Hulk because duh, that shouldn’t have hurt him.  Phantom, seeing that the jig might be up, turns into a nearby insect, sending that poor bug to limbo, and naturally, Hulk reappears.  Of course, Iron Man has no idea that this change has even taken place, so when he goes to attack Hulk once more, intending to bring him to the rest of the Avengers, he notices that something is again off about his green skinned foe.

Meanwhile, elsewhere, RJ and his brood are preparing to send out a call for help to Giant-Man, while the guy whose equipment he’s “borrowing” decides to make it a family affair by calling his folks in to hear the fun:

Really, dood? I'm with you, RJ. Some people just don't understand.

Lamebrain’s parents are duly impressed as the message goes out:

Ma's thinking about how jealous Mrs. Smith next door will be.

Henry receives the message and tells Jan to get ready to roll.  They down their respective pills (*hums the tune to White Rabbit*) and Wasp proves, yet again, why she’s awesome:

She has the hormones of a teenage boy. I love her.

They arrive just as the battle between Iron Man and Hulk is starting to heat up.  Giant Man steps in, grabbing both of them and chiding them for being so eager to thrash each other silly:

Oh, well, I suppose you might have a point, there, Pym.

But Hulk can’t resist ONE LAST JAB:

Oh real mature, there, Green Bean.

Everyone shuts up so Wasp can figure out what the hell is going on with her evil-presence senses all a-tingling when suddenly:

OH NOES! It's a knock-off wasp!

And while our Wasp is getting all molested by Imposter!Wasp, Henry’s brand new cybernetic helmet tells him that there is a problem.

Showoff.

How Wasp ended all the way over there, I’ve got NO idea, but the trio rush off to save her and Phantom decides he wants to try on Giant Man for size.

Crap! Henry sees the importance of giving a status update that no one else hears.

Wasp lets Imposter!GM know that she’s aware of what just happened, after he thanks her for being a good decoy. But apparently, she wasn’t the only one:

Hulk saw what you did there.

They square off, but though Imposter!GM is big, Hulk points out the one fatal flaw in his plan:

Erm, yeah. About that...He does have a point, you know.

While Wasp flies off in search of Emo!Thor (for reasons, I suspect, don’t have everything to do with the fight), the two proceed to attempt to beat the crap out of each other, using a moon vehicle.  At one point, Imposter!GM is able to leap out of the way of the oncoming vehicle, but Iron Man isn’t so lucky.  He gets knocked back, and is mostly okay, thanks to his suit, and Imposter!GM decides he’s the next victim, sending him into limbo.

Meanwhile, Frantic!Wasp has made her way to the office of one Doctor Don Blake (WHO IS NOT THE HULK, BY THE WAY), gets Lame!Blake’s attention by grabbing the pencil from his hand, and writes a message asking for help.  Lame!Blake instantly recognizes who’s writing and tells her to wait in the reception room:

*cracks up* It shouldn't surprise you to learn that Hormonal!Wasp likes her men, erm.... big.

Lame!Blake thwack-Thor’s out and Wasp comes back in to tell her tale of woe.  Of course, Thor decides it’s time to hammer away, and our favorite sweetheart has yet another thought that would have Harlot!Jane in fits were she a mind reader:

We hear ya, Hormonal!Wasp. No one is listening to what Emo!Thor says. Verily. *fistbump*

Emo!Thor arrives just in time to see Iron Man keeping Giant Man and Hulk at bay with Jet Stream disks.  Somehow, despite the whirling, Giant Man can see Thor’s approach.  Wasp, tired of being deemed useless decides to put herself into the action:

Literally.

A snip of the main control cable later, Imposter!IM finds himself unable to perform. At least his warning device is working, so he’s able to easily deflect Mjolnir as it streaks toward him.  Imposter!IM spills his devious plan and Emo!Thor answers with a rainstorm that reveals a MAJOR WEAKNESS in Iron Man’s armor:

Oh boy. You'd think Iron Man would be aware of this little...flaw.

Trapped!Phantom decides to pull ANOTHER switcharoo, this time with our favorite Thunder God, but something goes horribly awry:

Oh.... SNAP!! GO TEAM THOR!

Iron Man is returned from limbo, and everyone finds themselves relieved. YAY! Emo!Thor makes a bit of a quip about infighting:

Uh oh. Cue EPIC!FLOUNCE in 3....2...

1... *puts a tragic cherry atop Emo!Hulk's woe cake*

Wasp? She’s relieved he’s gone. Giant Man? Understand that an Emo!Hulk is NOT something they want unleashed on the world. Iron Man? Smugly silent.  Thor? Concerned as well about the impending confrontation to come…

Stay tuned: Next issue, The Avengers assemble to take on a former member and a new baddie!

Apologies for such a long wait, the Issue 3 will be up very soon!

~Merry Thormas!
The Snarkstress *H*

http://www.pacsci.org/harrypotter/

Anniversaries And Crack Nuts

22/12

Several things of note in this post (aside from the obvious: so where’s the next Avengers post?):

Firstly, Dragon and I celebrated our eighth anniversary Monday and Tuesday (very long story, something I’ll be sure to elaborate on later), so you could say I’ve been a bit… preoccupied.  We’ve eaten at glamorous middle class restaurants and wandered snow-free botanical gardens lit by millions of twinkling lights.

Just one of many fantastic displays at the Belleveue Botanical Gardens: Garden De'Light display.

Secondly, as I’ve been asked several times, I’m going to provide here the recipe to my Christmas Pecans (aka Crack Nuts), because I’ve already been accused of putting something illegally addictive in the recipe. LOL.

Thirdly, tomorrow’s my birthday. Yay me! The Snarkstress sees the dawning of another year. Woo boy!

Fourthly, Happy Yule, Merry Christmas, Merry Solstice, Happy Festivus, etc.  We’re having a huge dinner, with some fantastic gaming, and long distance family bonding.  Here’s hoping everyone else out there has a merry festive occasion of their choice.

Oh my gods. This is the most sickeningly adorable thing ever! Avengers...Assemble! *just wants to snatch up Emo!Thor and cuddle him!*

So… with all of that out of the way: Here’s the Christmas Nuts you’ve asked for all year!

The Snarkstress’s Christmas Pecans

1 lb. pecan halves
1 egg white
1 Tbsp water
1 cup sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg
Dash of ground cloves
1/2 cup butter

Preheat the oven to 250 degrees F.  Cut up butter into bottom of 13×9 casserole dish and place in oven to melt.

Meanwhile, whip egg white until frothy.  Add water, sugar, and spices.  Add pecans to spice mixture, stir well to coat, then pour into pan.

Bake at 250 degrees for 1 and a half hours, stirring every 15 minutes.

Allow to cool completely before eating. Trust me on this. Hot nuts on your tongue is not something you want to explain to the ER nurses.

Enjoy!

~Happy Holidaze!
The Snarkstress *H*


Avengers, Assemble!

19/12

Issue #1, Sept. 1963

“The Coming Of The Avengers!”

Now, Snarkstress, you may be asking, why this sudden departure from Emo!Thor?

It’s actually not a departure at all, incidentally. In explanation, let me offer the following: While reading the next issue of Journey Into Mystery (#112), I realized that there was a little backstory that needed to be told in order for the issue to be better understood. You’ll understand more later, but basically, issue #112 of JIM is a “different look” at events that occur during issue #3 of The Avengers.

And since Emo!Thor is a major player in The Avengers from the get-go, I figured I might just go ahead and get the rest of you up to speed with the first 3 issues of The Avengers before hitting you with #112 of Journey Into Mystery. Besides, The Avengers have already shown up in a few issues of JIM to help our most Emo! of heroes.

So then, without further ado, I present Issue #1 of The Avengers!  Consider it an early Christmas present ;)

ONWARD!

So, let's get the incidentals out of the way.

Yup. We’re starting this off with a bang.  We see a VERY familiar face against a rocky backdrop and THAT must be our favorite villain we love to hate: Crafty!Loki.  And it would appear that he’s in somewhat of a pickle, left to his own devices, and stewing up a particularly nasty plot:

Well, it's nice to see that nothing's changed.

You’d think by now that Daddy!Odin would understand that physically restraining or otherwise incapacitating Loki really REALLY doesn’t do a damn thing to stop him from causing problems.

Good idea, Loki. Call him to Asgard where he's surrounded by allies and awesome. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG WITH THIS PLAN?

Eyeball!Loki starts peeping all over the place: First, Don Blake’s office (our very own Emo!Thor’s alter ego), where Loki explains how unsatisfying it would be to defeat Lame!Blake because, well, he’s LAME. So it’s off in search of something to draw out Thor and happens on the perfect candidate:

He's big. He's green. And he's totally not evil. PERFECT!

But having the perfect foil isn’t enough. No, Crafty!Loki needs to make the non-evil Hulk appear to BE evil, in order to get Thor’s attention.  So what does he do? He creates the illusion of TNT on a nearby railroad trestle bridge, causing Hulk to dive for it (thinking of saving civilians in an oncoming train) when in reality, it only makes him look like he’s committing a random act of destruction:

Hah! Fooled ya! Who's the bad guy now?

Of course, before he can be totally blamed as the cause of the destruction, Ingenious!Hulk does the unexpected:

Wait...wait...WHAT? OMG! GO HULK!

He uses his own body to prop up the tracks JUST LONG ENOUGH for the train to pass safely overhead, even though the conductor is convinced that he’s trying to kill them all. Unfortunately, as Crafty!Loki surmises, the humans didn’t see him HELPING, they instead only see Hulk as the cause of the destruction and therefore trying to kill him.

OMG! Say it ain't so! ... Who are you, by the way?

Apparently, he’s Rick Jones, a member of The Teen Brigade. They, uh, really like radio. And they decide that the ONLY ones who could possibly help are The Fantastic Four (whom I will not be covering any time that I can think of):

HAAAAALP!

Loki doesn’t want anything to go wrong, so he mentally diverts the message to a different wavelength… one that a particular Lame doctor happens to be listening to in his quiet study.  And apparently? He knows who the Teen Brigade is and responds by Thwack!Thoring out:

I'm glad HE knows who they are.

But he’s not the ONLY one who has heard this redirected message.  In one corner, we have Henry Pym and Jan:

Nice to see the passive aggressive hostility still exists as "romantic tension" between Jan and Henry.

And in the OTHER corner, one playboy billionaire with too much time on his hands (the OTHER one not named Bruce Wayne):

So, it's less about saving someone than it is about seeing if you can beat him? Good job, Iron Man.

It takes Iron man a few HOURS to get to the Teen Brigade, but he makes it in one piece (using his eco-friendly solar powered battery) and it’s a good thing, too. The Teen Brigade was just starting a serious Pout-out:

Go cry, emo kids.

Their spirits are lifted for a moment when Mr. Fantastic finally gets back to them, just as Ben Grimm is bitching in the background about having to carry heavy stuff (as he always does).  Excited though the TB might be, it’s only brief because:

Gee kid, we'd like to help but we're kinda busy right now. Fantastic Four? More like: Fantastic FAIL! Oh, and way to be elitist there Johnny.

And almost as if in ANSWER to the question posed by Johnny Storm, the gang all shows up:

And so begins the rivalry... Also? Don't hate Emo!Thor because he's beautiful.

Wasp, of course, is sucker-punched by the awesomeness of our Emo!Thor’s stunning good looks, forgetting herself for a moment:

Uh oh. Looks like Harlot!Jane's got some pint sized competition. And honestly? With an attitude like Henry's, I'm thinking Jan might be happier with someone else.

While the new group pow-wows, back in Asgard, Irritated!Loki is annoyed by the additional group members. He only wants Thor. So, he projects an illusion of The Hulk outside the window that Emo!Thor happens to be standing at.  Naturally, he glances out the window at that precise moment:

Of course not. Just race on out there, Action!Thor, and save the day! I'm trying to figure out if he just flung himself out the window after him or what...

Of course, the closer he gets to the projection, the more he realizes that this might not be quite what he expected:

*facepalm*

And in answer to this insult, he races off to Asgard, verily, to kick Loki’s ass yet again:

Oh...SNAP! Someone's about to get a stern talking to.

Back on earth, Iron Man notices the disappearance of Thor, but determines that Hulk is the bigger threat and that Thor’s a big boy who can take care of himself. Rick warns Iron Man that the Hulk is probably innocent, but if he’s not, he’s super dangerous.  And here, we see why:

Behold! The power of laughter!

Clown!Hulk is posing as a robot, essentially, because there’s no way he could possibly be anything else.  But it’s working well. Of course, as he’s lifting a cage and ruminating to himself about his own safety, a Spy!Ant watches from the sidelines, reporting back to Henry:

*cracks up* So Jan is ALL sorts of fangirl awesome. It's official. I heart her.

Cranky!Henry tells the ants in his army to dig beneath Hulk and eventually, his body weight combined with what he’s lifting breaks right through and he tumbles into the ground.

Aww. Clown!Hulk is sad.

Of course, Clown!Hulk, who is apparently more intelligent than later incarnations, quickly recovers:

HULK!SMASH!

Henry tries to reason with him, but Emo!Hulk wants to be left alone. As expected, when reasoning doesn’t work, threats are tried, and the group quickly learns that Hulk isn’t called “Incredible” for nothing:

Uh oh. This can't be good.

Henry sends Wasp to distract him (thus cementing Henry’s total dickishness) and unfortunately, she’s no match for him:

Oh crap. NOOOOOO! I ACTUALLY LIKE HER!

Iron Man appears, just in the nick of time, driving Hulk toward the center of the tent (ala Henry’s plan) where he tries to leap to freedom, but finds himself ensnared by nylon safety netting. Aaaaannnndddd…it’s no match for him either, duh, as he just goes right through it, taking the tent with him:

We didn't need that stupid tent anyway.

Iron Man follows doggedly, but once again proving he’s much smarter than anyone gives him credit for, Hulk quickly turns the tables on his pursuer:

*jaw agape* Who's being followed NOW?

Back on Asgard, Thor’s asking Daddy!Odin to make a little…visit to the Isle of Silence, to have a talk with his half-brother:

Sure. Here, take him this care package while you're headed that way.

And he sets off, knowing that Loki’s most likely got some traps along the way to slow him down:

Surprise! TRAP!

Just as he makes it out of THAT predicament, Irritated!Thor finds himself in another pickle:

DOOM BUBBLES! FEAR THEM!

Our hero dives under the water to perform a little surprise water attack of his own, which Loki is actually NOT expecting, but he does think fast, freezing water spray into an ice shield to keep Mjolnir from actually connecting.  Thor, naturally, smashes right through, telling Loki that he knows what he’s up to…sorta.  But just as he’s squaring off to kick some Loki ass, he’s reminded of why the Isle is called what it is:

Surprise! Troll hug! I will hug him and squeeze him and call him Thor....

Our hero finds himself being dragged into the earth while Loki gloats above, but at the last minute, he saves his own skin:

Let there be LIGHT!

Thor continues his attack, only to discover that he’s flung Mjolnir through an illusion of Loki.  Damn him. But again, Emo!Thor can outwit him, using wind from his hammer to blow all the impostor Loki’s over a cliff, finding the real one clinging for dear life on a tree root.  Of course, Loki threatens to just fall before letting Thor get his hands on him:

*grins* A good hammer rub solves everything. Although, too much might make for Blind!Thor...I'm just sayin'.

Although he STILL tries to get away, Magneto!Thor reels him back in and, to Fish!Loki’s surprise, Thor isn’t taking him to Daddy!Odin this time:

GO TEAM THOR!

Back on earth, Hulk is still trying to escape Iron Man, and failing to lose him, no matter what he does. Finally, tired of running, Hulk instead decides to turn the tables again inside an auto factory:

Initiate Hulk!Smash in 3....2.....

Showing his more than neanderthal thinking hard at work, Hulk fashions a weapon:

Whump!Cannon activate!

Iron Man, momentarily stalled, decides that it’s time to take off the gloves, refashioning the projectile into one of his own, trapping Hulk against the wall. Just as things are about to get REALLY ugly, Thor appears with Loki in tow, explaining to them how LOKI is responsible for the recent events.  Hulk decides to get all touchy feely:

NO TOUCHIE! Filthy mortal!

Loki tells them all to back the hell off and let him fight Thor in peace, but Ant-Man has other plans for him, swarming a nearby switch with his ant army, causing a trap door to open beneath Glow!Loki’s feet, landing him in a lead-lined tank. So um…what’s that doing there?

Oh. Uh, so okay. That explains it then. I wasn't aware of the radioactive waste produced by auto production. And I didn't know that this radioactive waste was then dumped into the ocean. Fabulous!

Henry stops the group from going their separate ways, now that the threat is contained, because he has a little proposition:

By our powers combined...

With Iron Man and Thor on board, there is only one left who needs to voice his opinion. And he does:

So, I'm in. And that's....a really great question, green man.

Naturally, Wasp has the answer, because she’s awesome like that:

WOO! AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

And there you have it, dear readers! Proof that there is more going on for Emo!Thor than merely pining for his lady love. Yay! Everyone needs a hobby.

Stay tuned: Next, we’ll cover #2 of The Avengers, as they battle The Space Phantom. We’ll resume coverage of Emo!Thor very soon!

~Go Team Thor!
The Snarkstress *H*


Emo!Thor Takes Names While Kicking Ass

16/12

Issue #111, Journey Into Mystery (Dec. 1964)

The Mighty Thor “The Mysterious Mr. Hyde and The Serpentine Cobra* Feel The Power of The Thunder God!”

Whew. Well that’s a mouthful. (*Paid for by the Department of Redundancy Department.)

So, basically, if you’ve been following along, you realize that the last issue ended with Emo!Thor preparing to deliver the most righteous beat-down of the entire CENTURY. Yea, verily.

There were tears. There were sniffles. There was peril! And? There was a damsel in mortal distress.

Frankly, I loved the emo-hell out of the last issue.  And it won me over to the side of Emo!Thor/Harlot!Jane together foreverz *air drawn heart*.

Before we continue with the thrilling conclusion, I’m going to let Stan Lee speak for me:

Glory. Drenched. Oh Reeeeeally now?

ONWARD!

Flashback time…short and sweet version:

Preach it S-Man!

And with that, we’re ka-powed right into the middle of the action, as Mr. Hyde and Cobra finally burst through the door they were headed for in the end of last issue.  The game, as it were, is immediately ON, as Gabby!Hyde decides to boast a little more about how awesome the Terrible Two are.  Thor, naturally, says them NAY, and lets his fists do a good majority of the talking:

Storm giants, and trolls, and baddies...oh my.

But, alas, ExtraEmo!Thor is aware that it’s two super-enhanced baddies on one heartbroken Thunder God, and so, he pulls out the big guns to get a little breathing room.  As the storm winds from Mjolnir unleash on the now distracted Cobra and Hyde, Emo!Thor grabs his still Dying!Jane and beats a hasty retreat, looking for somewhere safe to stash her:

Obviously? This room is totally not what he's looking for.

He smashes through and finds ANOTHER door to an otherwise empty room.  But our ExtraEmo!Thor isn’t a dummy.  He doesn’t just rush into an empty room. He stops to think first, throwing Mjolnir in ahead of him to look for traps:

Hey! A whoom-bed! Just what he needs!

Rather than rest his dying lady love upon the slab, he takes a load off and emos quietly once more over her prone body at his feet:

Wait here. Don't go anywhere. Oh, and don't die either.

So we also discover that he didn’t “reverse” time, no. He stopped it entirely. Because he’s AWESOME! *ahem* Go. Team. Thor!

Outside the little time warp encircled house, three random strangers who could very well be totally lost stumble onto the scene and do what anyone would do in their circumstances:

Don't know what it is? Throw a rock at it!

And when said rock just….hangs there? They run away. Because it’s scary.  Really.

See?

Naturally, Odin is also watching “As Midgard Turns” and notices this “strange phenomenon”.  We learn just where Thor received his emo! lessons as Daddy!Odin waxes poetic about his predicament:

Balder's solution? A ballad. Because that makes everything better, 'natch.

Daddy!Odin agrees, for he is sorely vexed, and Balder decides to sing a song that sounds disturbingly like…a FLASHBACK! *shimmershimmer*:

So a long time ago, Odin wanted to marry a non-goddess? POT! MEET! KETTLE!

Thankfully, Crafty!Loki is paying attention to Balder’s evil scheme and arrives JUST IN TIME to stop Reminiscing!Odin from doing something he might very well regret:

Oh. Mah. Gawd! How lucky that he arrived to stop these Shenanigans!

Back on earth, Furious!Thor emerges once more into the hallway to do battle:

Safe to come out now?

Of course, his foes have been waiting for him to stick his head out, and the battle proceeds apace.  They know he can’t beat them on his own…ahh. Hubris. Observe Furious!Thor’s reaction to their boast:

Oh, he won't just HURT you. No. He will CRUSH YOU!

Naturally, Hyde wants to hit him first. And Cobra takes exception to this. A scuffle breaks out, with Cobra deciding to give Hyde the chance to deliver the first blow…by flinging him bodily into Furious!Thor’s waiting fist:

So THERE!

Cobra decides to take advantage of the millisecond he has after using his partner as a battering ram to unleash his cobra darts.  Emo!Thor whips up a whirlwind to keep them from coming close, but, ‘natch, they have to explode somewhere, releasing that poison gas inside.  Cobra manages to escape into a nearby vent, while Hyde tries to cover up for being used as a hackey-sac.  But, when Hyde realizes that the gas is loose, he crashes through a nearby wall to escape:

Who needs a gas mask when one is possessed of a red silk cape? Verily!

Back in Asgard, it would appear that Daddy!Odin has reached a decision regarding Dying!Jane and Emo!Thor, and in the annals of Epically Bad Ideas, proceeds to commit what shall henceforth be known as:

THE MOST INSANELY STUPID IDEA IN ALL OF ASGARD!

Of course, if you don’t see impending treachery looming on the horizon, then you’ve not been reading along with us, dear reader. Crafty!Loki is OVERJOYED at this and immediately plans on making sure the message is conveniently lost.  Thankfully, the other Asgardians are paying attention:

We'll take that, if you don't mind. Thanksverymuch.

Guess who’s tapped to take the message to the healer?

Balder...THE AMAZINGLY AWESOMEST OF AWESOME ASGARDIANS (besides Emo!Thor and Daddy!Odin, of course)

Thwarted!Loki, not to be ignored, decides that if he can’t physically prevent the message from reaching the healer, he can sure as hell hope that a lot of the obstacles in the way of Balder’s quest manage to slow him down:

The Fire Swamp of DOOM!

Back on earth, Furious!Thor pursues Horrible!Hyde, battling hard to keep from being pushed into Hyde’s paralyzing ray…only:

OH SNAP! GO TEAM THOR!

With Hyde out of the way, Furious!Thor! turns his attentions to the above paralyzing ray and the one remaining baddie, Sneaky!Cobra:

Techno!Thor is mighty indeed!

Even he is amused by his newfound electrical knowledge:

No, honey, they're laughing at why it took you so long to catch up.

He manages to redirect the current, and it has the desired effect, flushing Electro!Cobra out of his hiding place:

Halp! Halp! Oh so NOW you need Hyde?

It’s easy to catch him, and after trussing Cobra up like a turkey, Triumphant!Thor speeds off to his lady love’s side:

WOE! WOE AND TRAGEDY AND HEARTBREAK!

But as Heartbroken!Thor contemplates his way out of this tricky pickle, we flash back to Balder, facing down a phantom of some sort whose touch means death:

GO TEAM BALDER! And his sword-fling of awesome!

He then keeps going because his quest isn’t over! More dangers await him:

*channels the Wicked Witch of the West* Poppies....sleeep....sleeeeep!

And then?

Booties! Booties are the answer!

FINALLY, Balder reaches the hut of Hardol the Healer, and as they’re making their introductions, it’s back to Earth…where things have gotten very very serious:

So, do you really think becoming Lame!Blake is the answer here? Because, I mean, I know he's an awesome surgeon and all...but even I don't think he's good enough to save her in a matter of seconds. Oh but I'm rooting for him.

*sniffle* NOOOOOO! I say thee NAY, Emo!Thor! I do NOT give you permission to die of WOE!

Desperate!Thor starts to hammer time back into normal flow, but just as he gets ready to Re-Blake, Balder’s sword appears from NOWHERE:

*GASP!* OMG! GO TEAM BALDER! WOO! (and seriously? Even Emo!Thor is all teary-eyed)

He grabs the vial and dashes off to Dying!Jane’s side:

OMGOMGOMG! YAY!

The sword goes back to Balder, who is waiting on Bifrost, and we leave this issue with the touching, beautiful waking up of Jane from the clutches of certain death:

*wild applause* YAY! *lip quiver of happiness* GO TEAM THOR!

Stay tuned! In the next issue, we get to see the REAL story of Thor vs. The not-so-jolly Green Giant, Hulk!

~Go Team Thor!
The Snarkstress *H*


Uh, So What Happened?

15/12

Mea culpa!

I know you’re all waiting with breathless anticipation to see what happens with the next Emo!Thor Adventure.  And normally I’d have one up by now! However, my laptop decided to take a vacation and I’m just now getting everything running on the new one.

I am hoping to have the post up tomorrow, just in time for Thor’s Day.

Thank you for your patience!

In the meantime, might I recommend giving Inception a watch? It’s all sorts of awesome, and we give it all sorts of mad props for being an amazing flick.

~Go Team Thor!
The Snarkstress *H*